December 28, 2012 in Wedding
When you get engaged, it’s all so exciting and happy… then you start planning. I have been told, by recently married friends, that the bickering and fights that happen during this time are the worst… oh boy!
I am fortunate that my dear fiance isn’t picky and has only reserved veto power in this process but it doesn’t mean that we haven’t had our challenges. From the band or DJ conversation to which photographer to the hours spent looking at wedding rings for both of us, everything takes time and thought. However, the hardest part of wedding planning (at least so far)… and frankly some of the hardest conversations and decisions I have ever had to make have centered around our guest list.
How do you encapsulate two peoples’ lives into a guest list? Not only this but we have both led rich and full lives. When my parents got married, you invited the entire extended family and some friends. But that just doesn’t fly here. Our families do not live within blocks of each other. I have people in my family tree that I haven’t seen or spoken to since my Bat Mitzvah. How can I not invite my best friends from college but invite these people? Dan and I each made our lists. His with the heavy input from his parents (they had a cheat sheet, his sister got married a couple of years ago) and mine was mainly done by me. I took some input from my parents, adding in some of their 1st cousins and representatives from each branch or sibling (oy! Our family tree can be so complicated!) but it was important to me that my dear and closest friends from different stages of my life be included. There were negotiations… “You can add them, but you have to take someone else off” and debates, “Are we inviting kids? Can we afford that? Family kids only?” And I know we have insulted and upset people with some of the decisions we made. But I have to say this…
No decision was without debate and long thought. No decision was made ignorant of the repercussions to us… the couple getting married. And frankly it sucks to be the bride and be worried about hurting people’s feelings… not like it’s MY wedding or anything.
In the end, we did the best we could. We don’t have an endless budget, we don’t have a million dollars to feed every person we ever met or were friendly with and their spouse and kids. We had to make decisions.
And we hope that people don’t take it as a personal affront. I don’t know any couple that could invite every person they wanted to, to their wedding. We still like and enjoy the company of the people we didn’t invite. But I cannot think of any harder thing than paring down a wedding guest list.
Anyone have any good stories? Horror stories about this?