Famously Lorelei and Rory Gilmore committed to four Thanksgiving dinners in the episode “A Deep-Fried Korean Thanksgiving” (season 3, episode 9). Ok maybe it’s not that famous but in MY family (my brother and I), it’s super famous. We watched them get stuffed and bounce from house to house from deep fried turkey to tofurky, stuffing themselves along the way.
That’s a little bit of how my first Thanksgiving with my new fiancé went. We were newly engaged and Thanksgiving is a very important holiday for both of our families.
My family always gathered in Rhode Island because my great-grandmother’s birthday fell around Thanksgiving. All of her children would gather and celebrate. The gathering grew and grew and some of my favorite memories are running around the basement of my great auntie’s (that’s pronounced with an ‘ahhh’) house with my cousins, stuffing our faces with cheese puffs and chopped liver while rolling billiard balls across the pool table, trying not to crush anyone’s fingers (usually unsuccessfully). My memories of Thanksgiving are idealized, I know that, but oh are they clear. Russian dressing on turkey sandwiches for dinner, playing nickel and dime poker with my cousins, the generations all together.
For my husband, Thanksgiving was so much more than a holiday. They escaped Soviet Russia in 1980 and landed in this crazy foreign land that welcomed them and gave them amazing opportunities. Thanksgiving was a way to be American and thank this country for literally saving them. They boarded a train in Russia with nothing, not knowing where they were going. They took their elders and my husband’s big sister on this scary journey. Twenty-four hours (or so) after they got on the train, the doors were thrown open and waiting for them were numerous countries hoping to welcome them to a new home. They chose the United States of America and every Thanksgiving, express their thankfulness for that opportunity. They eat traditional American delicacies (our stuffing is amazing!!!) with some Russian treats thrown in. It’s honestly the most grateful table I have ever sat around.
But what do you do when you have two strong traditions coming together in one couple? Our solution was an “abbreviated Gilmore.” Thanksgiving lunch and some parade watching with my parents, dinner with my in-laws. PLUS there is the off year that we fly to Rhode Island and spend the day with my father’s family.
The thing about marriage is that it’s foundation is compromise. I would love to go to Rhode Island every year but we can’t. It’s not fair to my husband to take him away from the traditions he loves. Maybe one day we will incorporate all the families together at our home but for now, this works. It’s a little more effort, more driving, and more cooking but I am so happy to do it because it creates Shalom Bayit (peace in our home) plus, I’ve come to love Thanksgiving golubtsy (stuffed cabbage), shashlik (shish kebabs), and vinegret (root veg salad) … I just can’t bring myself to try the kholodets (jellied chicken thing) yet…
Photo Credit: Predi Flickr via Compfight cc
This article originally appeared on MazelTogether - formerly a program of Rose Community Foundation.