As a mom of small kids, who also keeps Shabbat, I find myself struggling every year around this time. They’ve spent the winter being engaged in our Shabbat practice. We light candles, say the blessing over the wine and challah. It’s a big ritual and one that we repeat on Saturday night for Havdallah. But with Daylight Savings Time, I find myself struggling to engage the kids in Shabbat and Havdallah since they go to bed early. This year, for the first time, my son (3.5) is finally communicating to me that “the sun is out mama! It’s not bedtime” and that goes for Shabbat as well.
Read moreApps To Make Parenting Easier
Congratulations! You’ve just been through hours of labor, you’re exhausted, you’re hungry and here’s your beautiful, screaming bundle of joy. One of the first things the nurses tell you to do once you have delivered your baby is to keep track of every time they poop and pee and eat. At my hospital, they gave me a little notepad inside the hospital handout to track it on. Now, initially it’s annoying but when they come around and ask when the last time was the baby pooped, that written log is awful helpful.
Read moreVisiting Christmas
As a child, we rarely lived in an area with a large Jewish population. While I was born in NYC, we moved around from the time I was about seven for my father’s job. The first response I always get to that statement is the question, “Oh was he military?” and I always say, “sort of, he’s a rabbi.”
Read moreAn Imperfect Mom Confessional
I burned the frozen vegetables because my dog was insanely barking and I had to put her in her crate upstairs and then my toddler was crying and asking me to read a book and I’m worried about my husband who contracted Hand Foot and Mouth and it’s two days before we are flying out on a business trip and I’m 7 months pregnant and I’m tired and I’m worried about the taxes and paperwork I have to file for our new business…
Read moreMemories of Passover Past
Photo: Copyright © Talia Haykin – The Davis Family, four generations (the toddler is the author)
In recent years, I have decided to stick with the traditional Baskin Haggadah. If you know this haggadah there is a chance you are familiar with the controversy over the artist and his excellent little joke he left on page 93… (you can message me if you have no idea what I am talking about…). Anyway, this has been my haggadah of choice. The year I got married, I picked my haggadah as usual and sat down to the seder. I opened this particular version and saw my grandmother’s name on the first page. Funny, strange… but ok.
Read moreDoing The Thanksgiving Dance
Famously Lorelei and Rory Gilmore committed to four Thanksgiving dinners in the episode “A Deep-Fried Korean Thanksgiving” (season 3, episode 9). Ok maybe it’s not that famous but in MY family (my brother and I), it’s super famous. We watched them get stuffed and bounce from house to house from deep fried turkey to tofurky, stuffing themselves along the way.
That’s a little bit of how my first Thanksgiving with my new fiancé went. We were newly engaged and Thanksgiving is a very important holiday for both of our families.
My family always gathered in Rhode Island because my great-grandmother’s birthday fell around Thanksgiving. All of her children would gather and celebrate. The gathering grew and grew and some of my favorite memories are running around the basement of my great auntie’s (that’s pronounced with an ‘ahhh’) house with my cousins, stuffing our faces with cheese puffs and chopped liver while rolling billiard balls across the pool table, trying not to crush anyone’s fingers (usually unsuccessfully). My memories of Thanksgiving are idealized, I know that, but oh are they clear. Russian dressing on turkey sandwiches for dinner, playing nickel and dime poker with my cousins, the generations all together.
For my husband, Thanksgiving was so much more than a holiday. They escaped Soviet Russia in 1980 and landed in this crazy foreign land that welcomed them and gave them amazing opportunities. Thanksgiving was a way to be American and thank this country for literally saving them. They boarded a train in Russia with nothing, not knowing where they were going. They took their elders and my husband’s big sister on this scary journey. Twenty-four hours (or so) after they got on the train, the doors were thrown open and waiting for them were numerous countries hoping to welcome them to a new home. They chose the United States of America and every Thanksgiving, express their thankfulness for that opportunity. They eat traditional American delicacies (our stuffing is amazing!!!) with some Russian treats thrown in. It’s honestly the most grateful table I have ever sat around.
But what do you do when you have two strong traditions coming together in one couple? Our solution was an “abbreviated Gilmore.” Thanksgiving lunch and some parade watching with my parents, dinner with my in-laws. PLUS there is the off year that we fly to Rhode Island and spend the day with my father’s family.
The thing about marriage is that it’s foundation is compromise. I would love to go to Rhode Island every year but we can’t. It’s not fair to my husband to take him away from the traditions he loves. Maybe one day we will incorporate all the families together at our home but for now, this works. It’s a little more effort, more driving, and more cooking but I am so happy to do it because it creates Shalom Bayit (peace in our home) plus, I’ve come to love Thanksgiving golubtsy (stuffed cabbage), shashlik (shish kebabs), and vinegret (root veg salad) … I just can’t bring myself to try the kholodets (jellied chicken thing) yet…
Photo Credit: Predi Flickr via Compfight cc
This article originally appeared on MazelTogether - formerly a program of Rose Community Foundation.
Compassion For Those Who Have Suffered A Miscarriage
Between April 2014 and September 2014, I had been pregnant three times. The first two pregnancies ended in miscarriage, the first at 7 weeks and the second at 12. At that point I was diagnosed with recurrent miscarriages and we were able to test the second baby. She was a little girl who had Turner’s Syndrome. On Mother’s Day in 2014, I came out to the world that I had a miscarriage by writing about it in my blog and on Facebook: the moment I went public, I became a resource of sorts for other women (and men) who have experienced the loss of a baby (both in utero or shortly after birth).
Read moreEggs at the Coffee Table
I was having rough morning. Who am I kidding... I had been having a rough couple of weeks. Nugget has been cutting two top teeth and two top molars for what feels like 52 years. It's been a drooling, crying, waking up at 3am nightmare around this house. But Sunday was bad. I woke up after not much sleep with a crick in my neck so painful that I couldn't move my head. Uh great. That's super helpful when you are the only parent on that day and have a 23 pound wiggly toddler for which to care.Magically that moment my mom called. I kvetched and complained and she told me that I just needed to go with the flow, that day especially. We were FaceTiming and nugget was refusing to eat the egg I cooked for him for breakfast. She said, "get him something you know he will eat." When he refused to eat even his favorite Mini Club Crackers, she said "eh, don't worry about it! Try again later. In fact, put it on a plate on the coffee table and let him graze."And you know what? She was right. My mommy was right. She reminded me that no matter my agenda for my toddler, to some extent he is going to make his own and while I can fight the good fight most days, some days I get to just go with the flow.So I put our EzPz mini mat on the coffee table, loaded it up with scrambled eggs and some crackers, got him a sippy of milk and made a nice buffet for him. We decided that THAT DAY, eating wasn't going to be a struggle and it wasn't. Low and behold, he came over and started grazing. Not how I want every meal to go but it worked! We had a nice flow that morning and when he went down for his first nap, I was able to take a nice steam shower (another mommy recommendation... instead of washing the dishes or doing laundry) which helped my neck tremendously.I guess what I am trying to say is... every now and then we need our mommy to remind us that it's ok to eat eggs at the coffee table. :)
Baby, There Are Bad People In This World
My little guy was bit by another kid in daycare the other day. It happened right before pick up and he was pretty sad about it when I got there. Now I know that at 16 months the things I say aren't going to stick but one phrase that just came out of my mouth when I was trying to comfort him was "baby, there are bad people in this world."I was surprised and froze for a second. I didn't mean that in his situation. What I meant to say was there are people who do bad things... but there are also bad people in this world and likely what I was reflecting on to him was my recent run in with some bad people. Not just bad people who operate in their own sphere but bad people whose bad and selfish/self-serving decisions ruin wonderful things around them.Just like a baby who doesn't know any better than to bite their friend when they are in their way, these people in our world lash out and bite us to get their what they want. They only see the next move... I want X so I will do Y to get it. Never mind that Y is biting someone or ruining a phenomenal organization... it gets them THEIR way. If nugget's little friend had thought, "hey, biting nugget is probably a bad idea because even though I will get the toy he is playing with, I will hurt him and make him sad and earn myself a time out," it wouldn't have happened but no, many human beings are wired for short term gratification. Cool, I get my name on a building or a fancy title I didn't earn... who cares who invested what in creating these things... I get what I want when I want it (NOW)!It's funny that all this should come up for me now. I have been reading "The Well-Behaved Child" by John Rosemond and this situation immediately reminded me of something he said in one of his columns.
"Even a toddler knows that he can achieve his objective far more quickly by biting than talking, and instant gratification is their objective."
Instant gratification is their objective... and, sadly, I am finding it is the objective for many adults too. No one taught these adults that even if you want something NOW, you don't always get it NOW. But growing up, we are teaching kids (who grow into adults) that they all get rewarded, and not because of their hard world. We focus on dreaming big but now small acts are insignificant. Kids aren't allowed to fail and now their parents refuse to let their children see THEM fail. Which creates a lovely cycle of entitlement by parent and child. In today's day and age, everyone is special and the kid's supposed happiness always has to come first. Not only all of this but in an attempt to right some invisible wrongs, we give our children every comfort available... a thousand pillows so they don't even feel their fall.Here's what I learned from Mr. Rosemond - previous generations were successful because of how they were raised and if we look back at some of those techniques we might find how to raise another generation of successful kids.Back to my point about bad people. For all the planning and teaching you do for/to/with your child, there will still be bad people in this world and your child will have to deal with them as children and as adults. If we don't give our kids the tools to handle tiny dictators, how will they learn to handle "benevolent" adult dictators? They won't. And they will fall when pressured, become "yes" wo/men and find themselves betraying the morals and values you taught them and that they purported to hold dear.So my point to Nugget stands. There are good people who do bad things and there are bad people in this world. You will not be in either one of those groups if mommy and papa have a say. As a family, we will learn the value of discipline together and when you are faced with the bad people in this world (and you will be), you will be well equipped to deal with them. Their fate rests in their own hands and bad decisions. Don't let them drag you down.
Laundry Stripping
Oh yeah, let that title sink in... laundry stripping... I know you are excited. This is going to be a very sexy post... all about dirty laundry! Ahh the life of a wife and mom. So hawt. As one of my friends commented when I said this was my new obsession, "Picturing you doing a sexy dance in your laundry room..." As you should... as you should.
Anywho, here's the story. I was at my wits end. Between the sour milk smell in some of the nugget's onesies and the stank in my husband's workout clothes, the moldy smelling towels relegated to the dog and the dish towels that smell less than fresh... I needed to do something. I tried baking soda in the washer... vinegar... all sorts of detergents... nothing worked. I was on the verge of throwing things in the trash.
Then I remembered someone mentioning in some Facebook group that you can "strip" your laundry (cloth diaper people, you know what I am talking about). So I did some research. For The Love Of Clean is pretty much THE authority on cleaning online. If you have hard water (like we do) or sweat stains or build up of minerals, soap, etc or you bought it already worn (thrift store, etc)... you may need to strip your laundry. Here is a guide to if you should strip, deep clean, or sanitize.
Can I just stop for a second and say that I could read this website all day long? Seriously. Look at all the interesting stuff here!
Ok let's get down to it. I've done it twice now and I am obsessed. Each time the water has been a different color and the bathroom STINKS! Gross, I know but I feel like "whoooo, it's working!" I literally have a batch in the tub right now and love checking on it! I'm taking pictures every hour and they really don't do it justice!
Basically, you are putting enzymes in hot water and that is lifting out the stains, minerals, and stank. It's super easy. See this process in detail and with more information here.
At this point, if you are like me, you are super duper excited and want to get started... but you need supplies first. I ordered mine on Amazon Prime so it got here fast. For The Love Of Clean has a recipe for a homemade version but I just bought the two they recommended - Grovia Mighty Bubbles (cloth diaper mommas you know) and RLR. Get their homemade version here.
Start with clean laundry. Wet or dry. I sniff tested after I dried things and made a pile of "to strip."
Fill something with hot water. I used our tub because I had a lot of stuff. You can use a sink for a small batch and a top load washer but... that seems cray to me. They say half full... I put enough to cover the clothing. Also, get the water as hot as possible.
Add your potion of choice and dissolve it in the hot water.
Put your stuff in and let it soak until the water cools (that is like a million years but leave it in for at least four hours).
Stir every hour or so to release crap... I put my stuff in and the water was clear, I stirred it and it turned BROWN!
When it's done (four hours or cool), drain and squeeze the water out of the clothes.
Run a load with water only (no detergent) then dry as usual.
Smell your awesome clothes/towels/etc.
Ok so ... here are my pics ... These pics are not doing the color justice... it is so gnarly... If you try this, share your pics in the comments! :)