Let's be honest

I've not been very good about blogging since marrying that fabulous man I married. Let's be even more honest... my blog has been a big aimless even for a while before that. It started out being life as a single, Jewish woman in the social media field with some love of Sherlock Holmes thrown in. But it was aimless. I didn't feel like I had a strong topic. I found a voice when I was in Israel and Israeli life and Jewish learning was all around me. But I lost my voice when I came home... just as I lost my focus on Jewish learning.Well, recent events have given me a refocus. I will be cleaning us TSW and dusting the old girl off. Many of you readers may not like my blog anymore... it may not be your wheelhouse... I will still write about social media and technical 'stuff' every so often as it comes up but it won't be the focus.I am not ready to announce what the focus will be but I just wanted to prepare y'all. Thanks for sticking around.

Update to American Express Post

A while ago, I posted a letter about our issues with American Express and United Airlines. You can read it here. Here is our update...We were kindly contacted by some folks at Amex who put some of their best people on this situation. The agent who helped us was very kind and worked very hard for us. But it boils down to this, airlines are notoriously difficult and not interested in being the best at customer service. They were unable to do anything for us but did compensate us for being good customers.Our issue now has been clarified. United Airlines customer service is atrocious. We initially called when we noticed the problem and after a significant amount of time on the phone, the customer service rep HUNG UP ON ME. Really? That is how you handle customers? When we asked how to resolve our issue they offer us two options: 1. pay hundreds of dollars and rebook tickets OR 2. put it in a type of mediation service that takes a long time and may or may not solve our issue in time to make it to the two weddings. What kind of choice is that? It's a choice by a company that clearly could care LESS about us and our travel situation.Our boycott now lays squarely at the feet of United Airlines. So in addition to our boycott, we recommended to my brother, who will be traveling a significant amount for his new job, to avoid United Airlines and recommend to his colleagues to do the same.

Our Engagement Story

How we got engaged:To read the full story, click hereWe are currently sharing a car as his blew up prior to a camping trip. He needed it yesterday for work so he dropped me off at my job in the morning. He came to pick me up after work. We had talked about maybe working out that afternoon but first we HAD to stop by the garden. It had been a rainy and cool few days and with Yom Kippur, we hadn’t been to the garden in a couple of days. He lured me there with the notion that our watermelon… yes we grew a watermelon!!! might be ready.That day I had forwarded him an email from the minyan (a lay led synagogue) that we had been attending, suggesting that we should join and do a couples membership. He told me “Whoa, lo0k you have to give me a night to think about this. Joining a synagogue as a couple is a big step. I mean, it says something, especially if we aren’t even engaged!”I could kick myself! How could I do that?! Scaring off the Sweet Boyfriend is NOT a good idea!So we proceeded to the garden. I flitted around… picking zucchinis and patty-pans while Sweet Boyfriend is off in a corner. La la la… no worries in the world.Sweet Boyfriend says: “Babe! Come here! You have to see this!”I come running. Is it a awesome squash? A yellow patty-pan? I come running. Just as I get to him, he turns around, looks me in the eyes and says: “I want to spend the rest of my life with you.I froze. Holy crap. That isn’t a squash. That is a ring. A beautiful ring.“Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes,” I said.“Can I put this thing on your finger before I drop it in the dirt?” Sweet Boyfriend said.Of course. And though, after a touch of canoodling in the garden, I was ready to get back to picking… he informed me that it was all just a ruse to get me there. And there is champagne on ice at home. And we are going out to dinner.Whoa, can this man plan!When it was all said and done, he has been planning this for a while. He spoke to my father at break the fast after Yom Kippur, the day before, to get permission. His folks have seen and approved of the ring (and me).He became a diamond expert and purchased me a stone cut in a vintage style… to match my vintage style… and he proposed to me in the garden we grew together.

Why American Express Lost Our Business (and United too)

This blog was never a place to just air grievances. And I promise that is not what we have become. As I slip into my new groove, this blog and Kosher, She Eats will get back on track. However, I have found that this is the best way to broadcast a large amount of information. So ... here is the letter my husband sent to American Express and why AmEx lost our business. Names and amounts have been redacted to protect all involved.

To Whom It May Concern:I am writing to inform you that, after spending more than $XXX on my SPG American Express card last year and using it nearly exclusively for many years, I will no longer be using the card. The intention of this letter is to explain why I’ve decided to give all of my business to Visa instead.   Over the course of several months, I’ve tried repeatedly to get an answer about a disputed charge and the customer service I’ve received was awful.  First, I initiated the dispute over the phone, with nonsensical results.  When I called back again, the agent I spoke with suggested that I include a letter explaining the situation.  I did just as she suggested and even included supporting documentation.  To keep myself organized, I will first incorporate that entire letter sent on 10/11/2013 via fax:

To whom it may concern:

I am writing to provide an explanation for a $XX charge from United Airlines that I am contesting as well as supporting documentation.  This is actually my second time contesting the charge.  On my first attempt, I was told that I would be contacted by American Express before any resolution.  Instead I got a resolution letter that doesn’t really address the issue, more on that below.  I understand that you only need the last five digits of my account number (xxxxx) in order to link this letter to the contested charge.

My issue is that I do not believe I authorized payment for the flight that United is trying to charge to my card.  My wife and I purchased our tickets with the specific purpose of attending two weddings, in two states, in two days.  Therefore it was an imperative that our return flight was early, so that we wouldn’t miss the second day’s events.  When we booked our ticket, we are absolutely positive that we booked a morning flight.  A few weeks before our trip, we received an itinerary change from United that has us booked on an evening return flight.  I immediately called United and explained that this must be a mistake, but the agent told me that my claim was a literal impossibility.  I found the original email we received from United after booking the ticket, and very atypically, it only showed dates and departure/arrival cities – no flight number, no flight times.  We would have noticed this omission right away, but this is the first I’ve heard of a confirmation email not actually confirming a clear flight.  And in any case, the information in the email was accurate for the morning flight that we booked.  United’s representative told us the following: 1) It was impossible that we received the truncated confirmation email from united (attached to this letter) that we claimed.  When we offered to send him the email for review, he refused. 2)  Any complaint would have to be submitted online and a resolution would only come weeks later.   He said that we may not even get onto the flight we wanted at that point, since the flight may full by then.  3) We would have to spend hundreds of dollars rebooking the flights back to our original choice if we didn’t want to risk the multi-week complaint process.  4) Since I authorized United to charge my card, it doesn’t matter that they gave me the wrong flight and I likely made the mistake anyways.  I would have had to make this mistake twice, since my wife’s flight was booked with points in a separate transaction.

United never sent us the incorrect itinerary on the day we purchased the tickets.  Had they sent the email, I could have canceled right away without penalty.   Also, bear in mind, United refused to fix the problem in time for us to book the replacement flight.  We were left with no choice, so we contested the charge and booked another flight on a competing airline.  I was doubly confused after I read American Express’ first reply letter which claimed that the charge was not cancelled by United.  I am not even sure what that means, especially in light on what I was told over the phone by United’s representative.   In any case, we took another flight, I did not authorize United to charge us for an evening flight and I don’t want credit because United had no right to charge me for the wrong flight.

The attachments to this fax are the following:1)     United’s original truncated itinerary2)     United’s flight change email3)     The United agent sent us another email while on the phone, claiming that he had a record showing that we were in fact sent this itinerary the day of the purchase.  I do not believe we received this email and, as such, I believe United has no record demonstrating their position.

I would like for American Express to contact me about this issue at my mobile number xxx-xxx-xxxx.   I realize my problem is atypical and may benefit from some explanation over the phone.

Thank you for your time, Daniel Haykin

American Express never contacted me as I requested, and over the course of the next few weeks I disputed the charge multiple times with contradictory and irrelevant replies.  Additionally, on my Amex statement, where there are usually flight numbers, dates, times, and airport, it was suspiciously blank. My wife and I looked at other flights we purchased with our Amex and those details were always there, except in this case.As mentioned in the original letter, American Express first told me to call United’s customer service to book a replacement flight.  This was particularly curious, since United told me I would sacrifice my flight during my original conversation.  Even stranger, when I resubmitted the exact same dispute again, your reply changed to “not cancelled and no value status.”  Why the change?  Did I ask one too many times?  I suppose so, because I kept getting similar letters every time I submitted my info.  And why would I repeat the same thing over-and-over expecting different results, am I insane?  No, but your customer service told me to resubmit my claim each time, making me borderline nuts.After each denial, I called Amex to explain that the central issue was never dealt with.  United booked me on the wrong flight, sent me a strange truncated itinerary (taking away my ability to cancel or change my flight without penalty), and told me that my story couldn’t possibly be true.  I provided those very emails as proof to American Express, time and again.  On occasions, the customer service reps ‘could not see’ any supporting documentation, despite the fact that I faxed it to the number given.  They said try again, and so I did.  I would call back and pages would be missing again, they said upload them online, and so I did.  Sometimes the replies would include an electronic imagine of United’s credit card system, showing that my card was charged for the wrong flight.  As if anyone was questioning that they charged my card.  That was the whole point!  What in the world does that prove?  Either way, why will no one address the letter I keep sending you over and over, and why won’t anyone call me back?  Maybe I wasn’t talking to the right person.  Sometime in December, I asked for a supervisor.I was transferred to XXX (#xxxx) and since then, in fits and starts, I’ve dialogued with her on this issue.  The first time we spoke, I spent more than an hour, in total, explaining the situation.   When we got disconnected, she called me back to make sure she understood the issue fully.  Admittedly, XXX seemed bright, polite and very competent on our call.  I was reassured.  Finally Amex was going to take care of me; I was a valued customer!  She told me, from my best recollection, that she would contact me no later than the following Thursday.  That day came and went.  I waited a few more days, called the supervisor line again, and through another rep, left XXX a message that I would like her to call me back, as promised.  After a few days, XXX did call back and apologized, without giving a reason for not calling.  She said she needed more time, and again, gave me a firm date for her reply.  That day also came and went with no call-back.  Yet again, after a few days, I called the supervisor line.   This time I didn’t hide my frustration.  I told the rep that I am beginning to feel disrespected.Let’s put aside that the revenue American Express receives from my card is sizable.  Isn’t it just rude to waste so much of my time?   Does your company actually want my business?   The representative expressed regret and said they would pass the message along to XXX and her boss.  I heard from XXX a few days later.  She apologized that she repeatedly did not call me back, she said she made a mistake and she wanted to buy us dinner with a $50 credit to my card.  But she also informed me that my dispute was not valid because of some irrelevant detail of my original conversations with an agent months ago.  I was floored, she didn’t actually look into the question of the email/itinerary at all, despite keeping me waiting.  At this point, I had been disputing the same charge, with the same question, with all the same documentation for months and still no clear answer.  XXX apologize and asked for more time, to which I agreed with a new caveat.  I was done calling Amex and wasting my time stuck in your telephonic customer service horror show.I informed XXX that if she was not willing to help me, I would stop using my American Express and start a letter writing campaign to help the company understand why I took this action.  She told me that she understood and would call back, and did so a few days later.  She had been talking about my issue with her boss.  They decided, on an open-ended basis, to reopen my dispute and force United to answer my claims.  The dispute would not go away unless one of the two following scenarios was satisfied: 1) United produces an actual email itinerary on the day of purchase as they claimed that they sent, or 2) explain why they are allowed to book me on the wrong flight, not send an itinerary and then not fix their mistake.  XXX asked for me to send another piece of documentation, which I did.  She promised she would be in contact with me with the resolution.  Hallelujah, exactly what I wanted from the beginning.   Weeks later I noticed the dispute disappeared from the Amex website and I got a form letter from American Express again, and no surprise, I never heard from XXX.  Same letter as countless times before with an addition, United actually provided the email they sent me.  This is progress.  And you’ll never guess what they sent your company – the exact email they claimed could not exist!  Why was that sufficient for you to close the dispute?  Doesn’t that prove what I’ve said all along?  United circled things on the email and drew arrows, did that confuse you somehow?  We may never know.I called the supervisor line yet again, this time to get XXX’s ID number for this letter.  The representative I spoke with sounded very concerned when she heard my story, she told me XXX was a longtime employee and asked that I give her some time to contact XXX and her manager.  I agreed to wait until Monday (2/24/14), which no surprise, came and went with no call back.   Perhaps the perfect final punch line to this awful joke:  I just checked my Amex statement, XXX didn’t actually give us the $50 credit for forgetting to call us back like she promised.Having failed through endless calling, I will instead try to get your company’s attention by sending this letter and making it as public as possible.  You must understand how much I loved using your card.  At every opportunity, I made sure to tell friends and acquaintances alike how much I value my SPG Amex card.  With similar fervor, I will publicize why this is no longer the case.  My wife is a social media specialist by trade, I’m sure she will help with this effort.  To tell you the truth, I do feel disrespected by your company.  As I’ve told your ‘supervisor’ line now multiple times, I am willing to reconsider only when your company reaches out to me, but I do not intend on calling you on this subject again.  I may not be an important customer to American Express, but I’m sure Visa will like my business.Daniel Haykin

What it doesn't say in this letter is how HORRIBLY we were treated by United Airlines as well. Including but not limited to one of their reps legit hanging up the phone on me after spending an hour trying to fix this. Thus, American Express and United are on our NO GO list from now on.

Young Me/Old Me

I may be creating a never ending spiral by posting this but... it got me thinking. And frankly as meme's go, this isn't the worst one...A friend from high school wrote a post with the identical title - Young Me/Old Me wherein she referenced another mutual friend from high school who wrote I think I've turned into a wuss.My high school friend, Jason, wrote in I think I've turned into a wuss:

I have been missing the belief that I can do anything.  I have been missing the realization that I was not stuck in a rut.  I have been missing the desire to be creative, be exploratory, be expressive and cling to God with my life in obedience.  I wondered what happened to Young Me who spent hours in the driveway on Mockingbird Drive pretending he was in the NBA.  Young Me played ball until he couldn’t even see the rim.  Young Me also had a back story for all his toys.  Young Me had a spaceship made out of a bush that grew next to two oak trees and had half of a cinder block for the commander’s chair.  Young Me didn’t care what others thought.  Young Me rocked.

My high school friend, Erin, wrote in Young Me/Old Me:

“Aren’t the 30s weird? Like we’ve done all the things we’re supposed to do, gone to school and gotten jobs and started families, and at any moment it could all explode. We could all go back to square one. And it wouldn’t be that bad.”

And

What did your Young Me do that your Old Me doesn’t?Young Me decorated the pages of my journals with paint and crayons.Young Me laughed the loudest and didn’t care.Young Me tossed out unsolicited opinions.Young Me watched movies alone.Young Me went jogging any old time, not concerned about when the last time I went jogging.Young Me painted my favorite quotes on my walls.Young Me hugged everyone.Young Me danced without drinking first.Young Me climbed trees.My Young Me rocked, too. I could probably stand to be a little more like my Young Me.

So this makes me start thinking about Erin's young her because ... well I knew her for part of that time. Which then makes me think of young me... How have I changed? How have the 30's changed me? For all intents and purposes, these are the best days of my life! I mean it, truly. I am happier and healthier and fitter and more content with my life today than I was as "young me."Let us compare, shall we:

Young Me
Old Me
Nervous and scared Confident
Shy and awkward Outgoing (can I say confident again?)
Really cared what other people thought of me Can I say confident again?
Unfettered by debt Fiscally aware
Longing for something more Content with my life

 But here's the thing... what both blogs said is true. The 30's are weird. I'm on a precipice of life but I have already lived so much. I have experienced so much but there is a lot to come. Children and adventures, all sorts of things. So... let's do the exercise...

thoughtful taliaWhat did your Young Me do that your Old Me doesn’t?Young Me burned 30 candles in my room while pretending to play guitar without fear that I the music I made was horrid (it was).Young Me sang along to old show tunes records at the top of my lungs. (And by records, I mean REAL vinyl!)Young Me was fearless on the stage when Young Me couldn't be fearless in real life.Young Me kept trying new things (guitar, violin, painting, drawing, dancing, gymnastics, life guarding).Young Me found time to have fun no matter what (with my brother, or my parents, or my friends, or myself).

Young Me did rock. I am proud of who I was. But I am also proud of who I have become. I am SO thankful to Erin and Jason for starting me on this thought path. While my inference may have been slightly different, the thought is the same... don't forget the simple pleasures in life but do stop listening to the little voice in your head that tells you no no no because you are over 30!

Amazing Lighting

If you haven't seen our wedding pictures yet (they are so amazing, thank you Dox Photo!), you may not have seen our great lighting! Mike from The Conference Experience came out and hung them all for us. We had a specific vision of garden lights hanging across the room. This was the design on our amazing invites (thanks to Paper Candy Prints) and we wanted to carry it through the whole event. Unfortunately it was pretty costly to rent these type of lights. SO Dan and I found them online at PartyLights.com and used a C7 string and G40 bulb (if you wanted those technical details). They were very low wattage which created a nice glow in the room and the awesome McNichols Building left up some illuminated art around the room. In addition, Mike added some up-lights and lighting for the band. His cost was VERY reasonable considering some of the quotes we got AND that he had to screw in 500 bulbs! I knew the wedding resale market  is pretty good and that I could sell them after wedding... what I didn't realize was that Mike would want them for his arsenal! So if you are looking for a similar feel as my wedding, be sure to call Mike! He has it! :)Here are some pics to get an idea:Reception lighting.jpg 

Reception lighting 2.jpg

Reception lighting 3.jpg

Dance Floor lighting.jpg

Best. Wedding. Toast. Ever.

I have to just gush for a minute. My brother gave the best wedding toast ever. We were incredibly honored by all the toasts our family made. However, in particular, my brother gave a hilarious speech. Here is his speech, minus the hilarious ad libs. He had all of us rolling in the aisles and then tearing up. Oh and that picture? That is the hilarious fellow in the flesh, Ronin A. Davis. Click here to read more of his writing.

If you aren't sure just how amazing it was by reading it, check out the video! Thanks to Matthew Moore of Flat Face Films!

[wpvideo ZOSLGx1G]

Ronin giving a toastA Toast to Dan and Talia

How do you write a wedding speech for your sibling? I am not uncomfortable with public speaking, our father’s a Rabbi, all he ever wants to do is talk to large groups of people, you kind of get used to it. But this is new territory for me.

I thought of the typical formula that I had picked up from movies.  Funny and/or embarrassing childhood anecdote about the wedded sibling(Remember that time we set up a lemonade stand on our driveway and instead of lemonade we had a polaroid camera and were selling “glamor shots”)

followed by a sentimental nod to your relationship(we’ve always been so close people thought we were twins)

and end with an acknowledgement of the spouse(welcome to family Dan, you really seem like a great guy who clearly hasn’t seen the full extent of our father’s gun collection).

But circumstances conspired that Talia and I didn’t have the typical big sibling/little sibling situations that others had.  By the time I would have had her teachers (recognizing my name, asking me to say hi to her, making me feel insecure by regaling me with their constant praise of her) I was attending a different school or living in a different state than my sister.

When i went to high school she went to college, staying in Florida while our family moved to Colorado.  But just because I didn’t have my big sister there in person, it didn’t stop me from calling her, with a calling card, from the school payphone whenever I was upset (no cell phones yet, though Talia helped me get my first one four years later!).

Now believe me, Talia and I have fought and argued and it is not fun to be around the Davis siblings when they are stressed out at the same time.  But I think the true nature of our sibling-hood can be seen in how we were punished growing up.

After one of our arguments our mother got fed up and made us sit in the center of the living room floor with the soles of our feet touching.  Can everyone picture that?  She said we had to stay there till we made up.  So we sat and scowled at each other, argued some more, complained about this stupid punishment and then silently brooded for a bit.  After a while we decided to pull one over on our mother.  We’d pretend that we made up and that everything was ok.  So we hugged and smiled and Mom let us go back to our rooms... where we angrily shut our doors on each other.  Except we were not that angry anymore.  And honestly I don’t think we even remembered what we were fighting about.  To this day I just recall working together and thinking we were very clever...though looking back I think Mom may have been the clever one.

But when it comes down to it, Talia has been, if I may be so cliche, a lot more than a sister.  She’s been my friend, my travel buddy, and my co-worker.  We’ve lived together, shared a room...and a sink (much to her chagrin).  We’ve been each others co-pilots, counselors, and whatever you call the person who lights a fire under your ass.  We’ve shared our toys, our friends, our interests, and perhaps most shockingly, we almost died together (or were almost very seriously injured depending on your vantage point).

Talia, in one of her fearless adventures, traveled to LA to act.  Unfortunately it was LA, a place that repels Davises.  So I came out, packed CiCi (her Honda Civic) so full you couldn’t adjust the seats and we drove (she drove) back to Colorado.

As we drove through an unexpected blizzard in New Mexico [? - Arizona], her car spun out when we tried to avoid a semi that had gone off the road leaving the giant truck portion blocking half the street.  We spun, and spun, and spun.  Neither of us are clear on how fast we were spinning, we both just watched the corner of the truck inch closer with every spin.

We were silent.  We did not look at each other.  I was focusing calmly yet fiercely on the truck in an attempt to will it to hit my side of the car.  As I found out later, Talia was trying to will the truck to hit her side of the car.  When the car finally stopped spinning we sat in silence.  Staring out into the darkness, peppered with the occasionally gleaming flakes of snow as they passed in front of the headlights.

At some point we looked down to the console between us and saw that we had been holding hands the entire time.  Only at this realization did we finally look at each other, smile...and begin laughing.  Laughing hysterically.  Laughing at life, laughing at what was just avoided, laughing at our confusion and skewed perception?  I don’t know.  But we laughed - then drove very slowly to the nearest hotel.

I should note that neither of us cried, screamed, yelled, or panicked.  And I have a feeling that at least one of those actions would have creeped in had we not been together.

Dan, this story was to explain to you that you’re marrying someone whose brain power is so incredible that she was actually able to stop a moving car.

And Talia, this story was to remind you that love works best when it has company.  I don’t care about the facts of that near accident, the love we have for each other is what kept us safe.  It is amazing when you can find someone to willingly share your love and who will share their love in return.

Thank you, Ronin, for such an amazing toast.