Baby, There Are Bad People In This World

My little guy was bit by another kid in daycare the other day. It happened right before pick up and he was pretty sad about it when I got there. Now I know that at 16 months the things I say aren't going to stick but one phrase that just came out of my mouth when I was trying to comfort him was "baby, there are bad people in this world."I was surprised and froze for a second. I didn't mean that in his situation. What I meant to say was there are people who do bad things... but there are also bad people in this world and likely what I was reflecting on to him was my recent run in with some bad people. Not just bad people who operate in their own sphere but bad people whose bad and selfish/self-serving decisions ruin wonderful things around them.Just like a baby who doesn't know any better than to bite their friend when they are in their way, these people in our world lash out and bite us to get their what they want. They only see the next move... I want X so I will do Y to get it. Never mind that Y is biting someone or ruining a phenomenal organization... it gets them THEIR way. If nugget's little friend had thought, "hey, biting nugget is probably a bad idea because even though I will get the toy he is playing with, I will hurt him and make him sad and earn myself a time out," it wouldn't have happened but no, many human beings are wired for short term gratification. Cool, I get my name on a building or a fancy title I didn't earn... who cares who invested what in creating these things... I get what I want when I want it (NOW)!It's funny that all this should come up for me now. I have been reading "The Well-Behaved Child" by John Rosemond and this situation immediately reminded me of something he said in one of his columns.

"Even a toddler knows that he can achieve his objective far more quickly by biting than talking, and instant gratification is their objective."

Instant gratification is their objective... and, sadly, I am finding it is the objective for many adults too. No one taught these adults that even if you want something NOW, you don't always get it NOW. But growing up, we are teaching kids (who grow into adults) that they all get rewarded, and not because of their hard world. We focus on dreaming big but now small acts are insignificant. Kids aren't allowed to fail and now their parents refuse to let their children see THEM fail. Which creates a lovely cycle of entitlement by parent and child. In today's day and age, everyone is special and the kid's supposed happiness always has to come first. Not only all of this but in an attempt to right some invisible wrongs, we give our children every comfort available... a thousand pillows so they don't even feel their fall.Here's what I learned from Mr. Rosemond - previous generations were successful because of how they were raised and if we look back at some of those techniques we might find how to raise another generation of successful kids.Back to my point about bad people. For all the planning and teaching you do for/to/with your child, there will still be bad people in this world and your child will have to deal with them as children and as adults. If we don't give our kids the tools to handle tiny dictators, how will they learn to handle "benevolent" adult dictators? They won't. And they will fall when pressured, become "yes" wo/men and find themselves betraying the morals and values you taught them and that they purported to hold dear.So my point to Nugget stands. There are good people who do bad things and there are bad people in this world. You will not be in either one of those groups if mommy and papa have a say. As a family, we will learn the value of discipline together and when you are faced with the bad people in this world (and you will be), you will be well equipped to deal with them. Their fate rests in their own hands and bad decisions. Don't let them drag you down.

Seeking Forgiveness In A Facebook World - GrokNation

Recently, I wrote an article for Mayim Bialik's website GrokNation on forgiveness and Yom Kippur. I am so thankful to now have the opportunity to stretch my writing muscles since I am self employed (and thankful to have friends who encourage it! Ahem-EstherK-ahem). This piece sort of came out of nowhere and everywhere at once. I was searching for a topic that was Jewy but not too Jewy and a post popped up on my Facebook feed... then another one. All of these asking for forgiveness. I thought back to how many times I have done this myself in the rush to feel ready for Yom Kippur. And then I saw a post of a friend of a friend. It so moved me that this is the result. I hope you enjoy the article. 

There is this odd time of year when my Facebook feed is filled with friends with remarkably similar status updates: some version of “It’s been crazy and I know I’m supposed to do this personally but if I wronged you this year, I am sorry.” It’s a sign that Yom Kippur, the Jewish Day of Repentance, is coming – but does a blanket Facebook status or Tweet constitute a real apology? READ MORE

Looking Forward To Mondays?

When I was single and married without kids I hated Mondays (this should not come as a shock to anyone) and LOVED Fridays (again, no shock). The weekends were bliss. Saturdays were for sleeping in, drinking coffee on the porch, reading the Wall Street Journal cover to cover (minus the business section), maybe even reading a book, long walks with the doggie, and studying Hebrew. Sundays were farmers markets, grocery shopping, laundry, errands, and cleaning, the gym and fancy coffee... all done together as a couple.Since the nugget was born, everything changed (again, not a shocker... I know). There are things I really miss about our weekends BN (before nugget) but what I hadn't realized had changed was that I completely approach the week totally differently. It was actually shocking when I realized it. I realized I was starting to dread Fridays and cheer for Mondays. Now, this wasn't instantly and I really noticed the change when I recently lost my job and began doing freelance work from home. No longer were my weeks 60-70 hours long with a dash to get nugget to bed, eat, clean, sleep and do it all over. I had a bit more breathing room. Granted I also had a bit of a crazier schedule than most. I worked 7:30am-5:30pm (because those were the daycare hours) and then I worked at home before bed. But I digress...Now I love Mondays. I take the nugget to school, hug and kiss him, play for a little bit in his room and then dash off to actually drink a cup of coffee... (wait for it...) HOT! I drink hot coffee again, people... I can read the news and catch up on the world while working and no one is crying. I am not trying to beat the clock before someone wakes up from a nap. I can chat with friends on Facebook without miraculously disappearing suddenly for three days because I have no time for myself and who the hell can remember where they left off anyway! And I dread Fridays (a little... not a lot) because I know all weekend will be poopy butts and whiney nuggets and food thrown at/on/to the dog and tiny hands hitting my face and pulling my glasses off 850 times a day.Now, don't get me wrong... I love my son. He is the light of my life. I would never trade him for the world. But I so appreciate his daycare teachers and their patience and that it gives me a break. I have to work and I couldn't work if I had to watch nugget all day. He isn't content to ever sit and my work takes thought and focus.And so we have a new normal. Mondays are exciting and signal some me time while I have to psych myself up for Fridays and the exhaustion that comes with chasing the dog and pushing dining room chairs around the house all day. And I am ok with that. :)

This all came up, by the way, because a friend posted this on Facebook:

People without school aged kids: booooo its monday!People with school aged kids: Mondays here! lets celebrate!#truestory#Ilovemykids#butIneedsomespacesometimes#moneywellspent

Pregnancy Loss and NIPT

It's possible that you don't know us (personally) or our story... unless the only people reading this are my parents and in that case, HI MOM!Our story is a common one, though, not commonly talked about. Usually when I say this part, people get really uncomfortable... We had two miscarriages prior to the birth of the nugget. If you are interested in our story, here are a few blogs that I wrote along the way:

• Thanking G-d
• What's In A Name
• It's Been A While
• 3/3/15

During the third (and ultimately successful) pregnancy, one thing I knew we would be doing was NIPT - Non-Invasive Pregnancy Testing. This simple blood test most often removes the need for other, more dangerous testing, like Amniocentesis. At 10 weeks I had blood drawn and by my 12 week appointment we had our answers, no chromosomal abnormalities. After having at least one miscarriage due to chromosomal abnormalities, this was incredibly reassuring. Granted, I didn't stop worrying that the pregnancy might not end with a healthy baby but it really gave us some peace of mind.The company that made our test, Illumina, did a little video about our experience and how wonderful NIPT was for us.I think it came out beautifully and gave us some amazing footage of the nugget at five months old. I am sharing it here and I hope it can inspire and give some hope.I do want to say one thing, there are some negative emotions around NIPT. There has been controversy (and misconception) that it is used to terminate Down's Syndrome babies and some couples think it's just a fun way to find out your baby's sex super early. This was not my experience. We utilized this test as a way to ensure this baby (my third pregnancy) was healthy and though if it showed the same abnormality as our second child, a daughter, we couldn't/wouldn't have done anything differently, it would have given us an opportunity to prepare for that outcome. An even broader version of these tests benefit loss moms, especially when there is emotional trauma around pregnancy and loss. Each woman's pregnancy is unique and so our choices are unique as well. The loss of a child in any stage is devastating and I admire moms who have had to make intensely harder decisions than I.https://youtu.be/sZg0Yajgajk

One Of My Favorite Things

I am part of a bloggers group and they have been having a summer challenge... And I have been totally slacking off. In looking back on some of the topics, there was one I really wanted to write about... "Share Your Favorite Thing" it was called. They said "Pretend you are a celebrity and you are telling your fans all about the thing you cannot live without."I will tell you the first thing that popped in my mind. TOMS Classics. Legit, these save the day all the time lately. Don't know what to wear? Need a pop of color? Need a neutral? Need something on your feet before your baby explodes into flames or your dog into a puff of fur because you promised them they could go for a w. a. l .k (we spell it in this house, don't say it, because the dog totally knows the word) 15 minutes ago?They are comfortable and easy to slip on. Perfect for everyday and come in a ton of colors and fabrics. I've even expanded into some booties and wedges recently. All in all, definitely my favorite thing since I was too pregnant to tie my shoes... :) Check them out and if you use this link (this one right here), I think you will get $20 off your first purchase! :)So what is your favorite product? What can't you live without? Share in the comments!

4 am

I woke up the other morning and it was 7:15. There was no screaming. No crying. No dog nudging me with her nose. No husband snoring or blowing his nose or brushing his teeth with the loudest electric toothbrush on the face of the planet.I just woke up. It was magical.I never thought I would say that about 7am. I was the kid (adult) who, given the opportunity, could sleep until noon or 1:00. I used to bemoan the loss of the day while feeling super rested. I've forgotten what 'super rested' feels like.Since the nugget was born, we have had a love/hate relationship with sleep. He slept great in the hospital then tortured us the first night home (he screamed all night... thank you Happiest Baby On The Block DVD for saving our lives). Then he would sleep five hours at a time at night and then for about a month and a half, he woke up every. 30. minutes. all. night. long. It was at that point that we hired a sleep therapist to come help us. She made a world of difference and his sleep has been a lot more normal since then.But there are still nights... usually when he is teething... that we struggle. He will wake up at 4am and it's just the perfect, exact time that you don't know what to do with him. Bottle? Advil? Will he go back to sleep? Probably not... Especially not if I bring him into our bed... then it's such an awesome adventure, forget sleep! Ok, what if mom crawls into the crib with you? Now will you sleep? 50/50 shot on that one.I totally get that this is part of babyhood. But every morning that I open my eyes and the clock says 7am (and not 4am) and the nugget isn't crying, I say thank you. Not to G-d (though I'm sure he had a big part in it), but to the nugget. Thanks, baby, for letting mommy sleep until a normal time.

My Baby Turned One

I have been dragging my heels for weeks to write this blog... First, I'm having a pretty hard time believing my baby is one. Like how in the WORLD did that happen?! Just yesterday he was a dream in our minds, a squiggly baby in my tummy, a tiny floppy newborn... how is it possible that he is now a cruising, squirmy, tantruming, babbling big boy toddler?!This year has flown by but I thought I would write a little letter to the nugget and share some pictures here. Maybe one day his wife would enjoy reading it. :)My sweet DMH -You are ONE! I can't believe it's been one year since you came into our lives. It has been a challenging year but also the most amazing year of our lives. Before you were born, your Papa had not held many babies and never one as tiny as you. He wouldn't even hold you right when you were born. He waited a few hours until we were in our room. Then he had a very special first minute alone with you. He fell in love very quickly. I think I fell in love with you while you were squirming in my tummy but you still didn't seem real until I met you on your birth day. You used to have hiccups and rub your heels along my belly. Towards the end, you liked to poke me in the hips. I was SO impatient to meet you.Your birth was hard. Your heart rate dropped along with my blood pressure. We got an infection and both got antibiotics. And there was a whole respiratory team in the room when you were born because (ewww) you pooped before you were born! You have always been a good pooper! :) But from the minute you were born, Papa and I were so full of joy. When we got to bring you home, we were so proud of ourselves... you slept the whole day and we thought we had this parenting thing nailed. We put you down to sleep and then you screamed the whole night long. We laid awake trying to soothe you. We lost our minds trying to soothe you. Papa drove to King Soopers at 3am to get gas drops while Mama frantically googled, trying to soothe you. The next morning we took you to Dr. Noah and watched The Happiest Baby On The Block. WOW! What a difference! That started our journey of learning how to be a Mama and a Papa.Over the next few months you grew and grew. You learned how to smile and coo. You had lunch dates with your JBU friends, you started school with your true love, Ms. Gina. You could hold your head up, sit up, roll over, scootch, army crawl, real crawl, pull up, and now you are cruising all over the room. You've slept in 30 minute increments and 12 hours at a time. You've seen a sleep therapist, craniosacral therapist, ER doctor, GI doctor, lactation consultant, had a chest x-ray, ultrasound, IV and visited Children's Hospital. You've nursed, drank formula, water, chicken soup, pedialyte, and now milk. You love food. You've violently thrown up food. You are picky and skeptical about new foods. You hate slimy things. You think sweets are eh but love carbs.The one enduring thing has been Soba. She never fails to make you laugh. She licks your hands and feet and face. You steal her toys and try to stick your fingers up her nose. If I let her, she would lick your hands clean when you are in your highchair and you love it. Now I have to remind you to be gentle because you want to 'pet' her so bad that you smack her and pull her hair. She's your big sister. It's just a dog and her boy.DMH - You've brought such joy (and struggles, exhaustion, and challenges) into our lives. The past year was not easy (nor cheap, by the way) but it has been the most amazing year of our lives. I cannot imagine our lives without you, our sweet firstborn son. Mazal tov on your first birthday. Papa and I will toast with some cider to 119 more!LOVE,Mama