The Value of Mom Friends

I didn't get the concept of 'mom friends' until we started trying to have a baby. I joined the "You are having a baby due in December 2014" group immediately. We all obsessed about the same stuff and it felt like a pretty safe space to talk about all the things I really wanted to talk about but my husband was uninterested in. And then we lost our first baby. And the moms who had been there before guided me through my grief. Then I joined the "You are having a baby due in March 2015" group and it was the same deal only here I found some very close friends. Women who I have actually met in person now and consider some of my closest friends. It was the same deal. They held me and walked me through the difficult moments when we lost our little girl. Several of the women in the smaller group born out of the larger group, had lost their March babies as well or babies previous to that one. Finally, I joined the "You are having a baby due in June 2015" group. Thank G-d it was the final 'birth month' group I had to join. These women, also, became very close friends. I thought that was what I needed. Until I found local mom friends.Here in Denver we have an amazing program for first time parents called JBU - Jewish Baby University - through the JCC. Again, you are tossed together with other couples expecting their first baby within a three month window but now you have a few more things in common. First off, you live in the same city and second, you are all (at varying levels) Jewish. This really adds an interesting dimension.JBU_chanukkahI am so thankful for my JBU mom friends. We literally guide each other through each step. Breastfeeding, bottle feeding, recovery, rolling over, sleeping (or lack thereof), crawling, walking, first birthdays... but beyond the baby connected topics, these women have become some of my closest friends. We have girls' nights out, I've asked for fashion advice, these are couples that I see staying close with for a long time.While I value my variety of friends, in all stages in their lives, I really appreciate having other mommas who get what I am going through. Who called me up a few weeks after having Nugget and told me to get out of the house and meet them at Nordstrom's, just for lunch, who initiated a weekly mom's lunch during maternity leave...I think there is a real value in mommy friends and I'm super thankful for my mommy friends, both the online ones that I can chat with all day long and my local ones who I can rely on for an awesome night out!JBU Valentine's party... getting harder to get them to sit still... Nugs and his girl, still making trouble!

Young Me/Old Me

I may be creating a never ending spiral by posting this but... it got me thinking. And frankly as meme's go, this isn't the worst one...A friend from high school wrote a post with the identical title - Young Me/Old Me wherein she referenced another mutual friend from high school who wrote I think I've turned into a wuss.My high school friend, Jason, wrote in I think I've turned into a wuss:

I have been missing the belief that I can do anything.  I have been missing the realization that I was not stuck in a rut.  I have been missing the desire to be creative, be exploratory, be expressive and cling to God with my life in obedience.  I wondered what happened to Young Me who spent hours in the driveway on Mockingbird Drive pretending he was in the NBA.  Young Me played ball until he couldn’t even see the rim.  Young Me also had a back story for all his toys.  Young Me had a spaceship made out of a bush that grew next to two oak trees and had half of a cinder block for the commander’s chair.  Young Me didn’t care what others thought.  Young Me rocked.

My high school friend, Erin, wrote in Young Me/Old Me:

“Aren’t the 30s weird? Like we’ve done all the things we’re supposed to do, gone to school and gotten jobs and started families, and at any moment it could all explode. We could all go back to square one. And it wouldn’t be that bad.”

And

What did your Young Me do that your Old Me doesn’t?Young Me decorated the pages of my journals with paint and crayons.Young Me laughed the loudest and didn’t care.Young Me tossed out unsolicited opinions.Young Me watched movies alone.Young Me went jogging any old time, not concerned about when the last time I went jogging.Young Me painted my favorite quotes on my walls.Young Me hugged everyone.Young Me danced without drinking first.Young Me climbed trees.My Young Me rocked, too. I could probably stand to be a little more like my Young Me.

So this makes me start thinking about Erin's young her because ... well I knew her for part of that time. Which then makes me think of young me... How have I changed? How have the 30's changed me? For all intents and purposes, these are the best days of my life! I mean it, truly. I am happier and healthier and fitter and more content with my life today than I was as "young me."Let us compare, shall we:

Young Me
Old Me
Nervous and scared Confident
Shy and awkward Outgoing (can I say confident again?)
Really cared what other people thought of me Can I say confident again?
Unfettered by debt Fiscally aware
Longing for something more Content with my life

 But here's the thing... what both blogs said is true. The 30's are weird. I'm on a precipice of life but I have already lived so much. I have experienced so much but there is a lot to come. Children and adventures, all sorts of things. So... let's do the exercise...

thoughtful taliaWhat did your Young Me do that your Old Me doesn’t?Young Me burned 30 candles in my room while pretending to play guitar without fear that I the music I made was horrid (it was).Young Me sang along to old show tunes records at the top of my lungs. (And by records, I mean REAL vinyl!)Young Me was fearless on the stage when Young Me couldn't be fearless in real life.Young Me kept trying new things (guitar, violin, painting, drawing, dancing, gymnastics, life guarding).Young Me found time to have fun no matter what (with my brother, or my parents, or my friends, or myself).

Young Me did rock. I am proud of who I was. But I am also proud of who I have become. I am SO thankful to Erin and Jason for starting me on this thought path. While my inference may have been slightly different, the thought is the same... don't forget the simple pleasures in life but do stop listening to the little voice in your head that tells you no no no because you are over 30!

Mandy Patinkin at JFS Luncheon

I had the pleasure of listening to Mr. Patinkin speak at the Jewish Family Service luncheon here in Colorado. He was a joy to listen to and he sang a little bit of a song a the end in English and Yiddish. Here are my tweets from the event and the sound bite at the end. 

 

 

 

oops... break the bread to come back together

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Mandy Patinkin Singing at JFS

 

Jewish Family Service of Colorado Video

The Wedding Challenge

Engagement picIt is the most amazing time of your life. It really is. You are planning the day when you marry your soul mate, your Beshert.When you get engaged, it's all so exciting and happy... then you start planning. I have been told, by recently married friends, that the bickering and fights that happen during this time are the worst... oh boy!I am fortunate that my dear fiance isn't picky and has only reserved veto power in this process but it doesn't mean that we haven't had our challenges. From the band or DJ conversation to which photographer to the hours spent looking at wedding rings for both of us, everything takes time and thought. However, the hardest part of wedding planning (at least so far)... and frankly some of the hardest conversations and decisions I have ever had to make have centered around our guest list.How do you encapsulate two peoples' lives into a guest list? Not only this but we have both led rich and full lives. When my parents got married, you invited the entire extended family and some friends. But that just doesn't fly here. Our families do not live within blocks of each other. I have people in my family tree that I haven't seen or spoken to since my Bat Mitzvah. How can I not invite my best friends from college but invite these people? Dan and I each made our lists. His with the heavy input from his parents (they had a cheat sheet, his sister got married a couple of years ago) and mine was mainly done by me. I took some input from my parents, adding in some of their 1st cousins and representatives from each branch or sibling (oy! Our family tree can be so complicated!) but it was important to me that my dear and closest friends from different stages of my life be included. There were negotiations... "You can add them, but you have to take someone else off" and debates, "Are we inviting kids? Can we afford that? Family kids only?" And I know we have insulted and upset people with some of the decisions we made. But I have to say this...No decision was without debate and long thought. No decision was made ignorant of the repercussions to us... the couple getting married. And frankly it sucks to be the bride and be worried about hurting people's feelings... not like it's MY wedding or anything.In the end, we did the best we could. We don't have an endless budget, we don't have a million dollars to feed every person we ever met or were friendly with and their spouse and kids. We had to make decisions.And we hope that people don't take it as a personal affront. I don't know any couple that could invite every person they wanted to, to their wedding. We still like and enjoy the company of the people we didn't invite. But I cannot think of any harder thing than paring down a wedding guest list.Anyone have any good stories? Horror stories about this?

A Shabbat of Peace For All

I am taking a moment out of my day to stop reading about the impeding war in Israel... to stop looking at pictures of dead and injured children on both sides... to stop drafting messages from my CEO to our community on what is going on in Israel...Why? (Other than the obvious answer of, that is all insanely depressing) To say to all of you... 

SHABBAT SHALOM

 Let this be a sabbath of peace. For the Israelis. For the Gazans and Palestinians. For my friends and family who are in target zones. For the  bitter armchair internet warriors who call people on the other side horrible names and accuse them of horrible acts. For each and every one of us. 

The Engagement Interlude

Ever since I got engaged I noticed a few things.First and foremost... I can't think about anything for any period of time without wedding planning creeping into my brain... it's like a bug... an awesome frilly, lacy bug... but a bug that distracts me from work. :)Next, the day after we got engaged, everyone immediately asked "So when is the wedding?" "Where are you getting married?" OY! I was still distracted by the shiny object on my ring finger... much less had started planning.Then the oddest thing started happening... to both of us... people (mainly women) would come to us and say "Awww, congrats! Now, can you help me find a guy?" (or girl in the rare occasions that it was a guy asking) So as soon as we were off the market it was assumed that we had Rolodexes of men and women that we were hording. With the engagement ring comes the responsibility to release all the names of the eligible people we had been hiding so as to hedge our bets... I think it's so funny. They wouldn't dream of asking us before we were engaged but all's fair now that we are attached... permanently.After a few times Dan and I looked at each other and he said, "You know... this is a good idea! I wish I could help them out." So we started trying to think of matches for these people. Heck, we are SO thankful to our friends for setting us up... why shouldn't we do that for someone else.Turns out... it's a little harder than it looks. I really don't want to make a bad match or have someone say "Did you REALLY think we would get along?" But at least I am aware of it now and I have started keeping a mental list of boys and girls in my head.Now that we are a month into our engagement (!!!!) and wedding planning is well underway, I am getting TONS of people giving me wedding advice. Which is fun... and slightly annoying at the same time. So I just tried to solicit it all at once on my Facebook. I got some pretty good stuff which I intend to publish here at a later date.Anyway, beyond all of this... being engaged to my best friend is the most amazing thing in the world. Stay tuned for wedding updates!

Creating A Return On An Investment...

ROI - in business ROI stands for return on investment... And that is exactly what Lynn Schusterman got from the recent ROI Community Summit in Jerusalem, a return on her investment of the future of the Jewish people.From June 10-14, I attended this summit in Jerusalem with 150 other young Jewish innovators. Out of 600 applications, we were selected as connectors and creators, entrepreneurs and catalysts. From the United States, Israel, England, South Africa, Latvia, Brussels, Turkey, and even Uganda, we represented 30 countries. As a community, we descended on Jerusalem to sharpen our skills and pitch new projects or refine old ideas. I instantly connected with the local director of AIPAC in Dallas, an experiential journalist from London, an event promoter from NYC, a guy working to get the Israeli flag and a Torah on the moon, a woman running a speakeasy and kosher, organic, and locally grown restaurant from her Brooklyn home, a leader in the National Young Leadership Cabinet (NYLC) in Atlanta, and a Chabad rabbi. I also got to spend time with Boulder's very own Jonathan Lev, the executive director of the Boulder JCC. All I can say is, "yeah, that happened." Words seem so inadequate to express this experience.We spent five days connecting and creating. Part of the program was the opportunity to present a concept that you want to develop and then crowd-source it to get support, help developing it, and potentially funding. This year 50 ideas were posted to the site IdeaScale and for the first time, the world could vote for them. The top three ideas and their creators had the opportunity to pitch the idea to four celebrity judges. Danna Azrieli - chair of the Azrieli Foundation in Israel. Noa Tishby - actress, producer, model, and non-profit spokeswoman. Yossi Abramowitz - one of the 50 most influential Jews in the world in 2011 & 2012 according to the Jerusalem Post. President and co-founder of the Arava Power Company. Yossi Vardi - an Israeli high-tech entrepreneur.I highly encourage you to go to roisummit2012.ideascale.com and look at what came out of this conference. And yes, I did pitch an idea. One that my co-worker at the Allied Jewish Federation of Colorado, Melissa Scholten-Gutierrez and I have been developing. It is called Tikkun Platoon. This is flash mob philanthropy, where collective identity meets collective responsibility to affect social change.  I hope that with the help of the ROI community, this dream will become a reality soon!The amazing thing about ROI is that it is not just a conference, it's a community. I am now a part of something big, with some 800 ROI'ers across the world, we have access to each other and our talents and microgrant funding for projects. The goal is that through a 1000 ROI'ers, we will reach 1 million people. And it is happening. You may be familiar with G-dcast.com, the weekly parsha videos online or Moshe House? These are both concepts born from ROI. Judging by the brilliance that was posted on IdeaScale, there will be many more.At the end of the day, though, my favorite moment happened on the last day. Lynn Schusterman, who made it possible for me to be at ROI, and I sat together after a morning session and we did our yarn crafts together and chatted. She, knitting a scarf for her grandchildren. I, crocheting a scarf for my friend. We discussed technology and yarn and knitting and the beauty of Colorado. And that is what ROI is about, finding people with similar interests and connecting... Even if there is an age difference.See my ROI profile at http://www.roicommunity.org/users/talia-davis-haykin

T-8 Days Until the No Pants Dance

I announced here yesterday that I would be starting a No Pants Skirts Dance on June 1.What does that mean? Well, it means that I won't be buying clothing or knickknacks for three months. I'm cutting my extraneous shopping budget down to zero (just like Captain Planet and pollution... sorry, that song was in my head). I was scared and a bit nervous for several reasons.First, I hate doing these things so 'publicly' (aka on my blog) because I do not like to fail and I like even less when I fail publicly. Well... you don't fail publicly if you don't make it public, am I right? Okay, anyway, I don't like making pronouncements.Next, I made the decision to mention my boyfriend (you remember him, the one who is awesome and incredible?) in my blog. I do not blog about my dating life very much and it especially made me nervous because this relationship is going so well and he is not an internet guy. So I was worried about how he might respond to it.Well... I'm less worried now. Sweet Boyfriend supports me, is my self-proclaimed biggest cheerleader, and even went against his anti-internet presence ways to leave a comment on my blog! WHOA! That's a big deal.I feel so supported by my great friends who commented and DH (as we will now refer to Sweet Boyfriend since that is how he outed himself). I am thankful for this support and am looking forward to seeing how this all turns out!