Seeking Forgiveness In A Facebook World - GrokNation

Recently, I wrote an article for Mayim Bialik's website GrokNation on forgiveness and Yom Kippur. I am so thankful to now have the opportunity to stretch my writing muscles since I am self employed (and thankful to have friends who encourage it! Ahem-EstherK-ahem). This piece sort of came out of nowhere and everywhere at once. I was searching for a topic that was Jewy but not too Jewy and a post popped up on my Facebook feed... then another one. All of these asking for forgiveness. I thought back to how many times I have done this myself in the rush to feel ready for Yom Kippur. And then I saw a post of a friend of a friend. It so moved me that this is the result. I hope you enjoy the article. 

There is this odd time of year when my Facebook feed is filled with friends with remarkably similar status updates: some version of “It’s been crazy and I know I’m supposed to do this personally but if I wronged you this year, I am sorry.” It’s a sign that Yom Kippur, the Jewish Day of Repentance, is coming – but does a blanket Facebook status or Tweet constitute a real apology? READ MORE

An Ode To Parsley

I know, I know... don't yell at me! I haven't been writing in forever. I promise that you are back on my to do list, bloggie! Life has been a bit busy with my adorable little guy and moving and etc etc...To tide you over until I am back, here's a little piece I wrote for Mazeltot.org -

As a child, Passover was always a big affair. Growing up as the granddaughter, niece, and daughter of rabbis, we always hosted large Seders. Generally, the first night was the Seder at shul with the congregation and the second night was what we called “family Seder.”Don’t let the term “family Seder” deceive you… they were generally composed of more than just our family. We invited people who had nowhere else to go along with many non-Jews wanting to experience a Jewish festival meal.

My father established a number of traditions for our family Seder, all of which are still in practice today. First, is always his ‘order.’ He teaches us to remember the order of the Seder with this mnemonic – Kooky Mr. M&M may come schlepping after silly boys holding noses (KUoKY MR. M&M May Kome Schlepping after Tzilly Boys Holding Noses – Kadesh, Urchatz, Karpas, Yachatz, Maggid, Rachtzah, Motzie, Matzah, Maror, Korech, Shulchan Orech, Tzafun, Beirach, Hallel, Nirtzah) and you have the order of the Seder.

Read more here - MazelTot.org

Please welcome David Moshe Haykin

It's true! He's here! David Moshe Haykin was born at 5:43am on 6/12/15. (I was always skeptical of how moms remembered the birth times of their babies... I am no longer. 5:43am will be burned into my mind forever now, in the best way possible.)I will write more about his birth and him but he had his bris today and I know people are anxious to know his name and the stories behind it. I will share pictures of him on this blog but they will be protected posts so contact us if you would like access to them. We will be sharing images with the general public in a VERY limited way for his safety and to protect the images from people who steal that sort of thing.So here we are - David Moshe Haykin. Here is why we named him as such:Moshe - After Talia's Paternal grandfather Maurice Davis:

We choose to name David Moshe after two very important people.His middle name, Moshe, is after my paternal grandfather, Maurice. Moshe was his Hebrew name. He was my best friend, pretty much since the day I was born. I was the very first grandchild on either side and my father tells me that I quite quickly had grandpa wrapped around my little finger. It was in him who confided all my secrets, he made up and played silly games with me... like when we would pretend our fingers were people and they would get lost in his copious chest hair. He would play rock, paper, scissors with me for hours on end and then tickle my back with a feather he pulled from his pillow while we watched M*A*S*H* and Murder, She Wrote together. As I grew older, I learned that he was more than just a hairy and fun playmate. He was a very well respected rabbi within the Reform Jewish movement. If you picture a classical Reform Rabbi, it would be a picture of him with his pulpit robes on, commanding the attention of hundreds, thousands on the High Holy Days.He was the kind of man who, when called, jumped on a plane to Selma, Alabama in March of 1965 to stand and march with Martin Luther King, Jr. and the kind of man who, with crippling blisters on his feet from marching for 12 hours in dress shoes, found a way to his father-in-law’s bedside in Cincinnati as soon as he found out that he was gravely ill. He was the kind of man who when he noticed young people from his congregation disappearing into the cults of the 1970’s he studied the commonalities of these kids and used the information to council parents and assist in the deprogramming of the children. In my memory he will always be a dichotomy. A respected and stately rabbinic presence who was mourned greatly when he passed away and a giant teddy bear who would throw me on his back and let me play horsey with him. I hope that by giving our David Moshe his name, our little boy will find the balance of responsibility and playfulness, be well spoken and kind, and stand for what he believes in.But, as my grandfather would say, My Dear Friends, this name is so much more than that. The letter M or Mem comes up over and over in my life. My other dear grandfather, Milton’s Hebrew name was Menachem Mendel – for David Moshe, I hope he has the gentleness of Poppa Milton. And the man who became my surrogate grandfather, and who married us, Reb Zalman’s Hebrew name was Meshullam Zalman. For David Moshe, I hope he has the wisdom and insight that Reb Zalman brought to each encounter.

David - After Daniel's paternal grandfather David Haykin:

We chose to name our son David after my grandfather, David Haykin.  I would like to wish my son a healthy dose of my grandfather’s best virtues: his mischievous and fun loving attitude towards life, and his bravery.When I was a little boy, my parents went to work and I spent all day with my grandparents.  My grandfather David would take me for long walks, we would whittle wood and get into adventures.  One of my most vivid memories from childhood was the time I watched Granpa David fall out of a tall tree.  We were on one of our walks and he said, ‘Daniel, look up there in the tree, there is a bird’s nest.  And inside that nest, Daniel, there’s an egg.’  I was intrigued.  ‘Grandpa, what color is the egg?’  He said, ‘let’s find out!’ and started climbing the tree.  He was probably 70 years old at the time.  When he reached the top of the tree, the mama bird spotted the interloper and flew back to defend her nest. She pecked my grandfather’s face and hands, he was startled and lost his grip.  I was only three years old and utterly astounded to watch an old man fall from a tree.  It seemed like he fell for a long time and when he hit the ground, I thought he was hurt.  But he stood up smiled and said, ‘Daniel, the egg is blue.’My memories of grandfather David were full of smiles, adventures and fun.Among his many virtues, was my grandfather’s bravery.   He was a paratrooper during WWII on the Soviet side.  Over the course of five years, he participated in countless jumps behind enemy lines.  He was the second highest recipient of medals for bravery in the entire Red Army.  It was because of his military past that we ended up in the United States.  My father originally wanted to resettle our family in Israel, but my grandfather refused.  He has seen too much war and he didn’t want that for his family.David was a teenager when he left his large, seven-person family to become a soldier.  When he came back from war, he learned that the Holocaust had claimed his entire family, leaving him only one brother. Had it been otherwise, the Haykin family would be overflowing with cousins, uncles and aunts.  But before this last week, I was the last male Haykin.  We name our son David praying that with God’s help and blessings this will be the beginning of the repopulation of the Haykin family.  So that when my son David is a grandfather himself, his extended family should seem to him just as God’s promise to Abraham - they should seem as numerous as the stars in the heavens.

What's In A Name?

This piece originally appeared at ModernLoss.com under the title "Call Me A Mother." Understandably, it was edited and trimmed down. Here are my musings on my losses and what the hell to call me, in full ramble.

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“What’s on your mind?” asked Facebook.The empty box sat there. Staring at me. Prompting me to say something. Do you say something? What do you say? Who are you now?Mother’s Day, 2014. Not seven days earlier my husband and I lost our first baby. Perhaps we should zoom further back.My husband and I got married on 3/10/13 (I have a thing for numbers). The moment we got married, the questions started. When are you going to get pregnant? Are you pregnant?We decided that after a short 11 months of knowing each other before we got married that we would take a year of “just us” time before we started trying for a family. I would tell everyone who asked me “my husband demanded a year of marital bliss first” and that seemed to work. But after our first anniversary, the voices got louder.On 4/4/14 (see, numbers) I found out that we were expecting our first child. Welp, that was easy, I thought. Until a month later when I started bleeding and cramping... On 5/5, the loss of our baby was confirmed at almost 8 weeks. On 5/7 I had a D&C (dilation and curettage) surgery to complete the process. On 5/11, Mother’s Day, I felt bombarded.Beautiful babies and proud mommies filled my newsfeed. “Thanks to my baby girl for making me a mom!” “Happy Mother’s Day to the amazing moms I know!”The whole week prior I just wanted to crawl under a rock. I stared listlessly at the tv screen and computer, unable to rally myself to any action. But something about Mother’s Day made me want to speak out. So, for the first time, I told the world (aka my Facebook friend feed) that I was a mom. For only 8 weeks, I carried a baby in my belly but I still felt like a mom.Fast forward through the doctors’ visits and the “actually it happens to one in four women” conversations, my husband and I were lucky to get pregnant again. We found out the day after my husband’s birthday, 6/25. But by 8/15, we found out that we had lost our baby again, this time at nearly 12 weeks.By now I feel like a mother, though I’ve never held my babies in my arms. But what would society call me? They don’t seem to see me as a mother because they’ve never seen me push a stroller down the street. Someone close to me, who also lost a baby, said to me one day, “you know, they have a word for when you lose your parents and they have a word for when you lose your spouse but what do you call a parent who has lost a child?” She had brilliantly encapsulated exactly how I felt that Mother’s Day, staring at the Facebook prompt “what’s on your mind?”WHAT AM I?And it seems I’m not alone. There are numerous articles and questions floating around the internet about this. One in particular struck me. A woman, who lost her 19-year-old son, titled her blog “Always A Mom Of Four.” I know that even though my sweet babies were lost before I met them, I am now a mom to two and my future (G-d willing) children, will know of their siblings lost. Why? Because that is life and it’s our reality.But again, what do you call me? Some circles have started using the Sanskrit word “Vilomah.” It literally means, "against a natural order" and not entirely out of the blue to use since the origin of the word widow is also Sanskrit. Some use the Greek, “Tethligons,” which means, “bereaved parent.” In Hebrew we have, "sh'khol" (שכול) and perhaps that is the word I am searching for. There doesn’t seem to be an English equivalent. It is often translated to “bereavement” but that is not accurate. It is an adjective used in relation to the loss of a young family member, thus for a child. So that would make me שכולה אם - em shakula – a mother who lost her child(ren).But really, I just want you to call me a mother and respect the journey I’ve been through. Not to trivialize my loss since they weren’t born or to tell me I’ll have that same kid another time. Not to tell me my feelings aren’t real since I never met the babies. To respect my unfortunate expertise here.Oh and please don’t call on 12/13 or 3/3. Those will always be important dates for me (their due dates) but, this year at least, I will probably be staying under the covers with my puppy and husband, avoiding all Facebook prompts.

A Perfect Book of Psalms

Since my husband and I got married, we have been doing the merge of two homes dance. You know how this goes...I have a crockpot, you have a crockpot... my crockpot is newer... sell the old.I have a couch, you have a couch... your couch is nicer... sell mine.One thing that has been fun is the coming together of our books. Daniel doesn't have too many in his house (not for lack of having books, rather because most at boxed up at his parents' house) but I came with two bookshelves PLUS (not counting the work themed books I keep in my office at work).Now I don't know how you organize books (I found out the other night that a friend and her husband do it by color... that's cool) but I do it by subject and author. I have a shelf of "authors I know/am related to," a shelf of old school books I still love, fiction, non-fiction, theatre... and Judaica. My Judaica shelf is exploding. I love collecting, not only interesting books, but also different types of prayerbooks and Torahs (chumashim), etc.I was recently gifted with a BEAUTIFUL book of Tehillim (psalms) to review for a friend in New York. He, Rabbi Chaim Miller, is an AMAZING man in Crown Heights, Brooklyn. Not only is he warm and welcoming in his home but he is knowledgeable and fascinating. I feel pretty confident recommending any new book he comes out with. Rabbi Miller is part of the brains behind Kol Menachem. Here's a little about Kol Menachem from their website:

The critically acclaimed Kol Menachem series represents the very best in English judaica. Our books boast finely crafted bindings, award-winning typography and an unparalleled richness of content.Kol Menachem also believes that the quality of information must be matched by the quality of presentation. The use of stunning graphics, professional fonts, multiple commentaries, background material, diagrams and charts as well as insightful notes ensures a multifaceted and far-reaching learning experience in all our publications.The exceptional lucidity and intellectual rigor of Kol Menachem's presentations are thanks to the skilful pen of our chief editor, Rabbi Chaim Miller. Rabbi Miller's achievement as an international scholar is substantiated by the vast dissemination of his works as well as the acclaim and prestige they have won him amongst his colleagues and in the educational and religious communities in which his works circulate.

The thing about Kol Menachem is, it's not your grandpa's siddur. They look beautiful on your bookshelves but they also draw you deeper into the text once you crack it open. Looking for an easy to read, beautiful chumash (Torah)? Check out their version here.When Rabbi Miller asked me to review his new tehillim, I couldn't say no. I have a soft spot for tehillim. When I can't pray, when I can't find a way to communicate with G!d, I turn to the psalms. Years ago I learned that you "have" a psalm for each year. Many years, I found that "my" psalm was so accurate for what I was going through and what I needed at the time. Here's how you calculate: take your age (32) add one (making it 33) and that is your psalm for the year. Why? When you turn 32, you are going into your 33 year. Anyway, I love psalms. My issue is that my Hebrew is not good enough yet to read in lashon kodesh (the holy language) so I am always looking for options with a GOOD English translation and one that is easy to follow or pop over to the Hebrew when I can.Not only does the new Kol Menachem Tehillim have large print Hebrew AND English but it has something I have never seen in a book of psalms before. At the bottom of the page, just like in a chumash, it offers "Classic Questions" and "Toras Menachem." The Classic Questions offer insights and clarifications just as you would find in a chumash. Points that may seem unclear to an observer are clarified in a familiar place, at the bottom of the page. However, it is the Toras Menachem that is just fascinating. It is based on commentary from the Lubavitcher Rebbe, Menachem Mendel Schneerson. If you read the forward, you learn that this task was not as easy as it sounds. Yes, the Rebbe (as Rabbi Schneerson is referred to) gave many speeches but he did not spend a lot of time on the psalms. Rabbi Miller and his team spent a long time reviewing the Rebbe's discourses, sermons, farbrengens, and other times psalms may have been mentioned. Rabbi Miller took the teachings from the Rebbe and shared these insights in a language we can understand.Like I said earlier, Kol Menachem books are not only interesting and educational but beautiful for your bookshelf. I highly recommend this volume. I know our home is richer for it.The details:Here is information about this volume of tehillim from Kol Menachem:

Tehillim (Book of Psalms) - The Schottenstein Edition Price: $39.99 The luxurious, hand-crafted Schottenstein Edition Tehillim, represents the very peak of English Judaica. World-class typography by an award-winning designer, with gold and red-wine highlights, makes each page of this classic a rich feast for the eyes. An exceptionally lucid, flowing translation, is adorned with fascinating insights culled from over 200 traditional commentaries. A special feature is the Toras Menachem, inspirational commentaries from the late Lubavitcher Rebbe on Tehillim which have never been published before in English. The hand tooled faux-leather cover and luscious cream paper makes this the ideal gift.6 1/2" x 9 1/4", 480 pages, ISBN: 978-1-934152-35-5

To purchase, either click anywhere in the description above or click here - Kol Menachem Tehillim.Here are some sample pages -  Disclaimer: I received a copy of this book to review for free.

Days like today...

When crisis strikes in Colorado, Israel or really anywhere in the world, my days look like this:Wake up.Learn there is a crisis.Obsessively check Facebook, Twitter, news outlets, any information I can find online (in the case of the November 2012 Israeli engagement it was an awesome blogger giving blow by blow).Compile information and compare with my team.Obsessively check Facebook, Twitter, news outlets, any information I can find online.Shout information from my office to my bosses office.Obsessively check Facebook, Twitter, news outlets, any information I can find online.Make a recommendation to the CEO to open a fund (or he tells us that we have to).Obsessively check Facebook, Twitter, news outlets, any information I can find online.Write an "ePhil" (electronic philanthropy) to our community.Send said ePhil to team for fact/spell checking.Obsessively check Facebook, Twitter, news outlets, any information I can find online.Send said ePhil upstairs for approval.Get told to add more pictures.Obsessively look at devastating pictures from the tragedy.Add them to ePhil.Resend upstairs for approval.Obsessively check Facebook, Twitter, news outlets, any information I can find online.Nudge hard to get approval so we can send before 5pm.Obsessively check Facebook, Twitter, news outlets, any information I can find online.Get some changes or approval.Send to community.Obsessively check Facebook, Twitter, news outlets, any information I can find online.Post it on Facebook while... obsessively checking Facebook, Twitter, news outlets, any information I can find online.Obsessively check Facebook, Twitter, news outlets, any information I can find online until it is time to go home.Obsessively check Facebook, Twitter, news outlets, any information I can find online at home.Obsessively check Facebook, Twitter, news outlets, any information I can find online from bed before I fall asleep. Wake up.Obsessively check Facebook, Twitter, news outlets, any information I can find online.Write another message from the CEO/ press release to news outlets.Obsessively check Facebook, Twitter, news outlets, any information I can find online. I think you can see where this is going...

Dan's Cufflinks

So I can finally reveal Dan's cufflinks to the world. If you read my blog, you saw here that I had commissioned custom Hebrew cufflinks for our wedding.

Here they are!

Here is a link to the cufflinks for sale on Gabriel's site.

Mandy Patinkin at JFS Luncheon

I had the pleasure of listening to Mr. Patinkin speak at the Jewish Family Service luncheon here in Colorado. He was a joy to listen to and he sang a little bit of a song a the end in English and Yiddish. Here are my tweets from the event and the sound bite at the end. 

JFS luncheon with @alliedjewish and Mandy Patinkin (@ Hyatt Regency Denver at Colorado Convention Center) 4sq.com/145VpRr— Talia Haykin - טליה (@thdpr) April 24, 2013

Waving hi, @jonathanlev ! Table 79 at @jfs_colo #jfsel13 — Talia Haykin - טליה (@thdpr) April 24, 2013

I'm there! RT @alliedjewish: Staff attending #JFSel13 today to hear about @jfs_colo wonderful programs and Mandy Patinkin— Talia Haykin - טליה (@thdpr) April 24, 2013

RT @alliedjewish: Listening to Patricia Garcia's touching story at #jfsel13 - thanking G-d for @jfs_colo — Talia Haykin - טליה (@thdpr) April 24, 2013

Very well done video, movie trailer style. I'm sure they will have it on their website, @datingdad cc: @jfs_colo #jfsel13 — Talia Haykin - טליה (@thdpr) April 24, 2013

RT @alliedjewish: The Welfare to Work program at @jfs_colo sounds like it is really making an impact on lives. #jfsel13 — Talia Haykin - טליה (@thdpr) April 24, 2013

Patricia Garcia teaching us about Shalom in her restored home. Shalom given her by @jfs_colo #jfsel13 — Talia Haykin - טליה (@thdpr) April 24, 2013

Mandy Patinkin - I am not a public speaker. I am a mail man. I deliver others words. #jfsel13 @jfs_colo — Talia Haykin - טליה (@thdpr) April 24, 2013

Mandy Patinkin at #jfsel13 @jfs_colo twitter.com/thdpr/status/3… — Talia Haykin - טליה (@thdpr) April 24, 2013

Mandy Patinkin @jfs_colo #jfsel13 twitter.com/thdpr/status/3… — Talia Haykin - טליה (@thdpr) April 24, 2013

Mandy Patinkin: I'm not nervous to speak to all of you. I'm nervous because I don't want to fail this wonderful organization #jfsel13 — Talia Haykin - טליה (@thdpr) April 24, 2013

He is fabulous! RT @kim9news: The great Mandy Patinkin speaking about Jewish Family Service #jfsel13 twitter.com/Kim9news/statu… — Talia Haykin - טליה (@thdpr) April 24, 2013

Mandy Patinkin's personal story of chosen family is beautiful. #jfsel13 @jfs_colo — Talia Haykin - טליה (@thdpr) April 24, 2013

@itsdlevy yes! And he's fabulous. #jfsel13 — Talia Haykin - טליה (@thdpr) April 24, 2013

Mandy Patinkin telling the story of hope of his cousin & his battle of lung cancer. Don't pack it in before its over. #jfsel13 — Talia Haykin - טליה (@thdpr) April 24, 2013

We have a finite amount of energy. Name me a bad organization that helps humanity. You can't. -Mandy Patinkin #jfsel13 — Talia Haykin - טליה (@thdpr) April 24, 2013

But because we have a finite amount of energy, we have to make choices. I will not help an organization that only helps their own. #jfsel13 — Talia Haykin - טליה (@thdpr) April 24, 2013

Mandy Patinkin is hilarious, kind, passionate and lovely. I wish he was my uncle. #jfsel13 @jfs_colo — Talia Haykin - טליה (@thdpr) April 24, 2013

My mother lives at the Hyatt because I can afford it. What about others who can't? -Mandy Patinkin #jfsel13 @jfs_colo — Talia Haykin - טליה (@thdpr) April 24, 2013

As we get older, we start reconstructing the past. Who is there to support us? -Mandy Patinkin #jfsel13 @jfs_colo — Talia Haykin - טליה (@thdpr) April 24, 2013

Guilt has great meaning. I think it is to help us remember not to make the same mistake. -Jaques Benoit to Mandy Patinkin #jfsel13 — Talia Haykin - טליה (@thdpr) April 24, 2013

Mandy Patinkin- toured the @jfs_colo food pantry yesterday. He loved it. #jfsel13 — Talia Haykin - טליה (@thdpr) April 24, 2013

Mandy asked, what would you do if you were limitless. @jfs_colo 's Yana said - I wish I could put a psychologist in every school #jfsel13 — Talia Haykin - טליה (@thdpr) April 24, 2013

Mandy Patinkin recognizes how lucky he is in life and he wants you to tour @jfs_colo because it will change your life. #jfsel13 — Talia Haykin - טליה (@thdpr) April 24, 2013

"Get up. Shut up. And make the best of it." -Mandy Patinkin's therapist #jfsel13 @jfs_colo — Talia Haykin - טליה (@thdpr) April 24, 2013

Mandy Patinkin just made us all touch each other and say the motzi again. We break the break to come together. #jfsel13 @jfs_colo — Talia Haykin - טליה (@thdpr) April 24, 2013

oops... break the bread to come back together

For an actor, the job is always over before you show up for your first day of work. - Mandy Patinkin #jfsel13 @jfs_colo— Talia Haykin - טליה (@thdpr) April 24, 2013

@itsdlevy he is so amazing.— Talia Haykin - טליה (@thdpr) April 24, 2013

Mandy Patinkin praising Clare Danes for her grace. #jfsel13 @jfs_colo— Talia Haykin - טליה (@thdpr) April 24, 2013

Mandy Patinkin - my first break was at 7 in shul... #jfsel13— Talia Haykin - טליה (@thdpr) April 24, 2013

I always worried about finances even though I never really had to. -Mandy Patinkin #jfsel13— Talia Haykin - טליה (@thdpr) April 24, 2013

When I was younger and took jobs for the wrong reasons, for fame & stardom, I suffered. -Mandy Patinkin#jfsel13— Talia Haykin - טליה (@thdpr) April 24, 2013

I love prepping for roles. Scrubbed in on 17 heart surgeries during prep for Chicago Hope. -Mandy Patinkin #jfsel13— Talia Haykin - טליה (@thdpr) April 24, 2013

Guys even have a mammary artery, like women. We are all the same on the inside. -Mandy Patinkin #jfsel13— Talia Haykin - טליה (@thdpr) April 24, 2013

Jerusalem to me is a metaphor. It's my children, my wife, my friend Debbie Friedman. -Mandy Patinkin #jfsel13— Talia Haykin - טליה (@thdpr) April 24, 2013

Quoting psalms... If I forget thee, Jerusalem... -Mandy Patinkin #jfsel13— Talia Haykin - טליה (@thdpr) April 24, 2013

For Homeland... I wanted to meet a real spook. -Mandy Patinkin #jfsel13— Talia Haykin - טליה (@thdpr) April 24, 2013

Homeland is a show about a family. The Brody's. the CIA, the United States. -Mandy Patinkin #jfsel13— Talia Haykin - טליה (@thdpr) April 24, 2013

My favorite role is husband to my wife of 35 years. -Mandy Patinkin #jfsel13— Talia Haykin - טליה (@thdpr) April 24, 2013

Begin shooting next season of homeland May 20-21. Looking forward to the next adventures. -Mandy Patinkin #jfsel13— Talia Haykin - טליה (@thdpr) April 24, 2013

One of our best writers just passes away. Had an aorta problem from birth. -Mandy Patinkin #jfsel13— Talia Haykin - טליה (@thdpr) April 24, 2013

I started a fathers group with 4 fathers. An actor, writer, newsman, and a heart doctor. -Mandy Patinkin#jfsel13— Talia Haykin - טליה (@thdpr) April 24, 2013

Love to visit Creed Colorado with my wife. -Mandy Patinkin #jfsel13— Talia Haykin - טליה (@thdpr) April 24, 2013

One of his close friend was dying and on his deathbed told Mandy Patinkin and his wife, "Have Fun." #jfsel13— Talia Haykin - טליה (@thdpr) April 24, 2013

Fear will never go away. Stop trying to outrun it. Invite it in, perform for it. Then it eventually will get bored. -Mandy Patinkin #jfsel13— Talia Haykin - טליה (@thdpr) April 24, 2013

Whenever possible I say yes. And on so many occasions it has changed my life. -Mandy Patinkin #jfsel13— Talia Haykin - טליה (@thdpr) April 24, 2013

And wrapped up with a little song in Yiddish by Mr. Patinkin ill try to figure out how to upload the sound! #jfsel13— Talia Haykin - טליה (@thdpr) April 24, 2013

Mandy Patinkin Singing at JFS

Jewish Family Service of Colorado Video

A Holy Bath

Another ancient tradition that comes up around a wedding is that of the Mikvah. It is a place of ritual immersion, a facility used by both men and women (at different times, of course) with a certain amount of fresh water. A woman goes before her wedding and after every period to immerse. This is a woman's mitzvah (commandment) and a very special one. As for men, many go daily or on Friday before Shabbat begins. And it is a Chabad tradition that everyone, men and women (regardless of where they are in their cycle) go prior to Yom Kippur.But there is a lot of misinformation around the idea of Mikvah. Words like impure and dirty get thrown around a lot in English but the reality is, the word Tamei or טָמֵא in Hebrew is hard to translate to English. Many say "ritually impure" but that holds negative connotations. It truly is a "state change." Your body is in a place of change. I don't want to go into details here because I am sure not all of you are visiting this website for that reason, but please, trust me when I say... it isn't a state of "dirtiness."Moving on. The mikvah is a very special piece of preparing for the wedding. When a bride is eligible (having to do with her period) and as close as she can to her wedding day, she will go to the mikvah. Preferably, she goes with her kallah (bride) teacher and perhaps her mother. Leading up to this time, she is learning with a woman who teachers her all about the laws of taharat hamishpacha (literally: laws of family purity). Again... won't go into that here... email me at thehaykins @ gmail . com if you would like to learn more or be in touch with someone who can teach you these laws.Once at the Mikvah, the bride cuts her nails short, removes all jewelry and make up. According to tradition, there must be nothing between the woman and the water at any point of her body. No nail polish, no hair ties, no nose ring (ahem). Then she takes a shower to clean off. Once she is free of all dirt and sweat, she goes to the Mikvah. Mikvaot (the plural) these days are beautiful affairs. Stunning "get ready" rooms and tiled beautifully. Almost like a spa! The bride goes into the Mikvah room and walks into the water. There, she will dunk three times completely (there is an attendant in the room to make sure every hair is submerged) and say a prayer. Once she emerges, it is as if she is a new person... yet again, she has changed states. In the case of a bride, she has gone from an engaged woman to a queen... she is about to be married.Today, many women keep the mitzvah of the mikvah. Even women you would not expect. This is a powerful act that many women identify with.There are some technical things about a Mikvah, see this picture to understand just a piece of it: