I know a lot of people don't believe in hashgacha pratis or divine providence or the invisible hand of G-d. I don't know that I always believed in it either. BUT a recent turn of events made me think that someone is certainly watching out for me. I knew there had to be someone. I mean honestly. The fact that I have only had to sleep in my car once for a few days... that despite moments of serious poverty, I managed to find food to eat most of the time... someone had to be watching out over me and my family. The most recent example of this happened last week when my car died.My poor CeCe the Civic. Sweet thing. She was 15 years old, half as old as I am. My father got her when we lived in Florida and I learned to drive on her. She was my dad's car but I drove her more often than not. He graciously allowed me to use it my senior year of high school, unless it was raining out and he couldn't ride his Harley to shul. In college I took over the payments for her and then, with the help of some family members, bought her outright. I tried to remember to change her oil and do the right maintenance but, reference to above, there were many times when there just wasn't money for it. I was one of very few freshmen at Jacksonville University who had a car but she was a stick shift so no one could borrow her... We had a grand time. She took me up and down the coast of Florida more times than I can count. She made the drive to and from Colorado many times and then to and from California once. I would go on but I will write a reminiscence of my car soon. This blog is about fate.I was so thankful to have four wheels, even though by the end she was so sunburnt and missing her front bumper. She wasn't the prettiest girl in the neighborhood but I didn't have car payments. There were many, many years in my career that a car payment would have sunk me. It would have been a choice between not eating all month and making a payment or eating and no car payment. Despite accidents and issues, she stuck around.It wasn't until last Tuesday that she puffed her very last breath. I believe that she (or G-d) felt that I was finally safe and in a place to make a very necessary car payment. Let's look at the facts:By last Tuesday I had:
- Received an insurance payment from an accident that happened 5 years ago. The insurance companies dragged it out so long but I finally got paid!
- A steady job. One that pays me regularly and where I do not fear that an administrator will say, "Sorry team, can't give you your paychecks this month, we are short." Which, of course, had been the unsteady case for the past two years. Prior to that my job paid me so little that it is quite literally shocking.
- Finally moved into downtown Denver... where the buses are accessible and if, perhaps, say your car breaks down that you can take a bus (within the fabulous RTD system) to and from work within 20 minutes with little hassle and pretend that you are living in Manhattan and read the book you have been meaning to read forever all for just $2.25 each way.
If my car had broken down without all of these steps, without one of these steps, I would have been royally screwed. Without the money, I can't make a down payment. Without the job, I couldn't MAKE A payment. Had she broken down when I didn't live in Denver, I might have freaked out a little more and bought the first car I saw for cheap.Sometimes I like to say that it was my car, CeCe, looking out for me. Sometimes I like to say it was my Grandpas, looking down and trying to make sure their Tali was safe. But wrap those both together and you see that it is really G-d in my life. G-d has protected me and will continue to do so. Now, G-d hasn't made it easy by any means. This car process has been one of the most stressful events in my life! Did you know everyone has an opinion on a car? Sheesh! But it has also been an important reminder... man plans, G-d laughs... or maybe just chuckles a little bit. We can plan all we want, because we have free will as to how we get to the destination but the destination is all planned.Seeing the little miracles or joys along the way, that's the bonus.