What makes it exceptional for me to learn Daf Yomi? It may not be. It likely isn’t. However, this is what I know - the groups that learn Daf Yomi together are aimed at men. They are early in the morning so men can go before work. It’s a group of men, for men. That has never been a hurdle for me before. I have never been intimidated by study with men, I spent a year wearing a kippah and talit katan every day because it felt like it was an integral part of my Jewish observance. So why was this learning inaccessible?
Read moreHow To Find A Haggadah In Denver
When you start planning your seder a few things cross your mind… who should I invite? Where will I get all the chairs?! Jarred gefilte fish or fresh?
But if you don’t host seder regularly, you may have an additional concern – what haggadah do I use and where can I find it? If you are reading this well in advance, you still have time to order some online but if you need to find a haggadah in Denver, we have you covered.
Read moreHow To Engage Small Kids In Shabbat During Daylight Savings Time
As a mom of small kids, who also keeps Shabbat, I find myself struggling every year around this time. They’ve spent the winter being engaged in our Shabbat practice. We light candles, say the blessing over the wine and challah. It’s a big ritual and one that we repeat on Saturday night for Havdallah. But with Daylight Savings Time, I find myself struggling to engage the kids in Shabbat and Havdallah since they go to bed early. This year, for the first time, my son (3.5) is finally communicating to me that “the sun is out mama! It’s not bedtime” and that goes for Shabbat as well.
Read moreWhat To Do On Purim?
Purim is an amazing and fun and sometimes forgotten holiday. Purim is of the holidays that was added AFTER the Torah was written so while you won’t see it mentioned in the actual Torah, it has it’s own scroll dedicated to the holiday. That scroll is called Megillat Esther (the scroll of Esther). (Another fun note – Megillat Esther is the only book of the Tanach that doesn’t mention G-d once! Here’s some fun reading on that topic.)
Read moreVisiting Christmas
As a child, we rarely lived in an area with a large Jewish population. While I was born in NYC, we moved around from the time I was about seven for my father’s job. The first response I always get to that statement is the question, “Oh was he military?” and I always say, “sort of, he’s a rabbi.”
Read moreMemories of Passover Past
Photo: Copyright © Talia Haykin – The Davis Family, four generations (the toddler is the author)
In recent years, I have decided to stick with the traditional Baskin Haggadah. If you know this haggadah there is a chance you are familiar with the controversy over the artist and his excellent little joke he left on page 93… (you can message me if you have no idea what I am talking about…). Anyway, this has been my haggadah of choice. The year I got married, I picked my haggadah as usual and sat down to the seder. I opened this particular version and saw my grandmother’s name on the first page. Funny, strange… but ok.
Read moreSeeking Forgiveness In A Facebook World - GrokNation
Recently, I wrote an article for Mayim Bialik's website GrokNation on forgiveness and Yom Kippur. I am so thankful to now have the opportunity to stretch my writing muscles since I am self employed (and thankful to have friends who encourage it! Ahem-EstherK-ahem). This piece sort of came out of nowhere and everywhere at once. I was searching for a topic that was Jewy but not too Jewy and a post popped up on my Facebook feed... then another one. All of these asking for forgiveness. I thought back to how many times I have done this myself in the rush to feel ready for Yom Kippur. And then I saw a post of a friend of a friend. It so moved me that this is the result. I hope you enjoy the article.
There is this odd time of year when my Facebook feed is filled with friends with remarkably similar status updates: some version of “It’s been crazy and I know I’m supposed to do this personally but if I wronged you this year, I am sorry.” It’s a sign that Yom Kippur, the Jewish Day of Repentance, is coming – but does a blanket Facebook status or Tweet constitute a real apology? READ MORE
The Value of Mom Friends
I didn't get the concept of 'mom friends' until we started trying to have a baby. I joined the "You are having a baby due in December 2014" group immediately. We all obsessed about the same stuff and it felt like a pretty safe space to talk about all the things I really wanted to talk about but my husband was uninterested in. And then we lost our first baby. And the moms who had been there before guided me through my grief. Then I joined the "You are having a baby due in March 2015" group and it was the same deal only here I found some very close friends. Women who I have actually met in person now and consider some of my closest friends. It was the same deal. They held me and walked me through the difficult moments when we lost our little girl. Several of the women in the smaller group born out of the larger group, had lost their March babies as well or babies previous to that one. Finally, I joined the "You are having a baby due in June 2015" group. Thank G-d it was the final 'birth month' group I had to join. These women, also, became very close friends. I thought that was what I needed. Until I found local mom friends.Here in Denver we have an amazing program for first time parents called JBU - Jewish Baby University - through the JCC. Again, you are tossed together with other couples expecting their first baby within a three month window but now you have a few more things in common. First off, you live in the same city and second, you are all (at varying levels) Jewish. This really adds an interesting dimension.
I am so thankful for my JBU mom friends. We literally guide each other through each step. Breastfeeding, bottle feeding, recovery, rolling over, sleeping (or lack thereof), crawling, walking, first birthdays... but beyond the baby connected topics, these women have become some of my closest friends. We have girls' nights out, I've asked for fashion advice, these are couples that I see staying close with for a long time.While I value my variety of friends, in all stages in their lives, I really appreciate having other mommas who get what I am going through. Who called me up a few weeks after having Nugget and told me to get out of the house and meet them at Nordstrom's, just for lunch, who initiated a weekly mom's lunch during maternity leave...I think there is a real value in mommy friends and I'm super thankful for my mommy friends, both the online ones that I can chat with all day long and my local ones who I can rely on for an awesome night out!
An Ode To Parsley
I know, I know... don't yell at me! I haven't been writing in forever. I promise that you are back on my to do list, bloggie! Life has been a bit busy with my adorable little guy and moving and etc etc...To tide you over until I am back, here's a little piece I wrote for Mazeltot.org -
As a child, Passover was always a big affair. Growing up as the granddaughter, niece, and daughter of rabbis, we always hosted large Seders. Generally, the first night was the Seder at shul with the congregation and the second night was what we called “family Seder.”Don’t let the term “family Seder” deceive you… they were generally composed of more than just our family. We invited people who had nowhere else to go along with many non-Jews wanting to experience a Jewish festival meal.
My father established a number of traditions for our family Seder, all of which are still in practice today. First, is always his ‘order.’ He teaches us to remember the order of the Seder with this mnemonic – Kooky Mr. M&M may come schlepping after silly boys holding noses (KUoKY MR. M&M May Kome Schlepping after Tzilly Boys Holding Noses – Kadesh, Urchatz, Karpas, Yachatz, Maggid, Rachtzah, Motzie, Matzah, Maror, Korech, Shulchan Orech, Tzafun, Beirach, Hallel, Nirtzah) and you have the order of the Seder.
What's In A Name?
This piece originally appeared at ModernLoss.com under the title "Call Me A Mother." Understandably, it was edited and trimmed down. Here are my musings on my losses and what the hell to call me, in full ramble.
“What’s on your mind?” asked Facebook.The empty box sat there. Staring at me. Prompting me to say something. Do you say something? What do you say? Who are you now?Mother’s Day, 2014. Not seven days earlier my husband and I lost our first baby. Perhaps we should zoom further back.My husband and I got married on 3/10/13 (I have a thing for numbers). The moment we got married, the questions started. When are you going to get pregnant? Are you pregnant?We decided that after a short 11 months of knowing each other before we got married that we would take a year of “just us” time before we started trying for a family. I would tell everyone who asked me “my husband demanded a year of marital bliss first” and that seemed to work. But after our first anniversary, the voices got louder.On 4/4/14 (see, numbers) I found out that we were expecting our first child. Welp, that was easy, I thought. Until a month later when I started bleeding and cramping... On 5/5, the loss of our baby was confirmed at almost 8 weeks. On 5/7 I had a D&C (dilation and curettage) surgery to complete the process. On 5/11, Mother’s Day, I felt bombarded.Beautiful babies and proud mommies filled my newsfeed. “Thanks to my baby girl for making me a mom!” “Happy Mother’s Day to the amazing moms I know!”The whole week prior I just wanted to crawl under a rock. I stared listlessly at the tv screen and computer, unable to rally myself to any action. But something about Mother’s Day made me want to speak out. So, for the first time, I told the world (aka my Facebook friend feed) that I was a mom. For only 8 weeks, I carried a baby in my belly but I still felt like a mom.Fast forward through the doctors’ visits and the “actually it happens to one in four women” conversations, my husband and I were lucky to get pregnant again. We found out the day after my husband’s birthday, 6/25. But by 8/15, we found out that we had lost our baby again, this time at nearly 12 weeks.By now I feel like a mother, though I’ve never held my babies in my arms. But what would society call me? They don’t seem to see me as a mother because they’ve never seen me push a stroller down the street. Someone close to me, who also lost a baby, said to me one day, “you know, they have a word for when you lose your parents and they have a word for when you lose your spouse but what do you call a parent who has lost a child?” She had brilliantly encapsulated exactly how I felt that Mother’s Day, staring at the Facebook prompt “what’s on your mind?”WHAT AM I?And it seems I’m not alone. There are numerous articles and questions floating around the internet about this. One in particular struck me. A woman, who lost her 19-year-old son, titled her blog “Always A Mom Of Four.” I know that even though my sweet babies were lost before I met them, I am now a mom to two and my future (G-d willing) children, will know of their siblings lost. Why? Because that is life and it’s our reality.But again, what do you call me? Some circles have started using the Sanskrit word “Vilomah.” It literally means, "against a natural order" and not entirely out of the blue to use since the origin of the word widow is also Sanskrit. Some use the Greek, “Tethligons,” which means, “bereaved parent.” In Hebrew we have, "sh'khol" (שכול) and perhaps that is the word I am searching for. There doesn’t seem to be an English equivalent. It is often translated to “bereavement” but that is not accurate. It is an adjective used in relation to the loss of a young family member, thus for a child. So that would make me שכולה אם - em shakula – a mother who lost her child(ren).But really, I just want you to call me a mother and respect the journey I’ve been through. Not to trivialize my loss since they weren’t born or to tell me I’ll have that same kid another time. Not to tell me my feelings aren’t real since I never met the babies. To respect my unfortunate expertise here.Oh and please don’t call on 12/13 or 3/3. Those will always be important dates for me (their due dates) but, this year at least, I will probably be staying under the covers with my puppy and husband, avoiding all Facebook prompts.