Baby, There Are Bad People In This World

My little guy was bit by another kid in daycare the other day. It happened right before pick up and he was pretty sad about it when I got there. Now I know that at 16 months the things I say aren't going to stick but one phrase that just came out of my mouth when I was trying to comfort him was "baby, there are bad people in this world."I was surprised and froze for a second. I didn't mean that in his situation. What I meant to say was there are people who do bad things... but there are also bad people in this world and likely what I was reflecting on to him was my recent run in with some bad people. Not just bad people who operate in their own sphere but bad people whose bad and selfish/self-serving decisions ruin wonderful things around them.Just like a baby who doesn't know any better than to bite their friend when they are in their way, these people in our world lash out and bite us to get their what they want. They only see the next move... I want X so I will do Y to get it. Never mind that Y is biting someone or ruining a phenomenal organization... it gets them THEIR way. If nugget's little friend had thought, "hey, biting nugget is probably a bad idea because even though I will get the toy he is playing with, I will hurt him and make him sad and earn myself a time out," it wouldn't have happened but no, many human beings are wired for short term gratification. Cool, I get my name on a building or a fancy title I didn't earn... who cares who invested what in creating these things... I get what I want when I want it (NOW)!It's funny that all this should come up for me now. I have been reading "The Well-Behaved Child" by John Rosemond and this situation immediately reminded me of something he said in one of his columns.

"Even a toddler knows that he can achieve his objective far more quickly by biting than talking, and instant gratification is their objective."

Instant gratification is their objective... and, sadly, I am finding it is the objective for many adults too. No one taught these adults that even if you want something NOW, you don't always get it NOW. But growing up, we are teaching kids (who grow into adults) that they all get rewarded, and not because of their hard world. We focus on dreaming big but now small acts are insignificant. Kids aren't allowed to fail and now their parents refuse to let their children see THEM fail. Which creates a lovely cycle of entitlement by parent and child. In today's day and age, everyone is special and the kid's supposed happiness always has to come first. Not only all of this but in an attempt to right some invisible wrongs, we give our children every comfort available... a thousand pillows so they don't even feel their fall.Here's what I learned from Mr. Rosemond - previous generations were successful because of how they were raised and if we look back at some of those techniques we might find how to raise another generation of successful kids.Back to my point about bad people. For all the planning and teaching you do for/to/with your child, there will still be bad people in this world and your child will have to deal with them as children and as adults. If we don't give our kids the tools to handle tiny dictators, how will they learn to handle "benevolent" adult dictators? They won't. And they will fall when pressured, become "yes" wo/men and find themselves betraying the morals and values you taught them and that they purported to hold dear.So my point to Nugget stands. There are good people who do bad things and there are bad people in this world. You will not be in either one of those groups if mommy and papa have a say. As a family, we will learn the value of discipline together and when you are faced with the bad people in this world (and you will be), you will be well equipped to deal with them. Their fate rests in their own hands and bad decisions. Don't let them drag you down.

Looking Forward To Mondays?

When I was single and married without kids I hated Mondays (this should not come as a shock to anyone) and LOVED Fridays (again, no shock). The weekends were bliss. Saturdays were for sleeping in, drinking coffee on the porch, reading the Wall Street Journal cover to cover (minus the business section), maybe even reading a book, long walks with the doggie, and studying Hebrew. Sundays were farmers markets, grocery shopping, laundry, errands, and cleaning, the gym and fancy coffee... all done together as a couple.Since the nugget was born, everything changed (again, not a shocker... I know). There are things I really miss about our weekends BN (before nugget) but what I hadn't realized had changed was that I completely approach the week totally differently. It was actually shocking when I realized it. I realized I was starting to dread Fridays and cheer for Mondays. Now, this wasn't instantly and I really noticed the change when I recently lost my job and began doing freelance work from home. No longer were my weeks 60-70 hours long with a dash to get nugget to bed, eat, clean, sleep and do it all over. I had a bit more breathing room. Granted I also had a bit of a crazier schedule than most. I worked 7:30am-5:30pm (because those were the daycare hours) and then I worked at home before bed. But I digress...Now I love Mondays. I take the nugget to school, hug and kiss him, play for a little bit in his room and then dash off to actually drink a cup of coffee... (wait for it...) HOT! I drink hot coffee again, people... I can read the news and catch up on the world while working and no one is crying. I am not trying to beat the clock before someone wakes up from a nap. I can chat with friends on Facebook without miraculously disappearing suddenly for three days because I have no time for myself and who the hell can remember where they left off anyway! And I dread Fridays (a little... not a lot) because I know all weekend will be poopy butts and whiney nuggets and food thrown at/on/to the dog and tiny hands hitting my face and pulling my glasses off 850 times a day.Now, don't get me wrong... I love my son. He is the light of my life. I would never trade him for the world. But I so appreciate his daycare teachers and their patience and that it gives me a break. I have to work and I couldn't work if I had to watch nugget all day. He isn't content to ever sit and my work takes thought and focus.And so we have a new normal. Mondays are exciting and signal some me time while I have to psych myself up for Fridays and the exhaustion that comes with chasing the dog and pushing dining room chairs around the house all day. And I am ok with that. :)

This all came up, by the way, because a friend posted this on Facebook:

People without school aged kids: booooo its monday!People with school aged kids: Mondays here! lets celebrate!#truestory#Ilovemykids#butIneedsomespacesometimes#moneywellspent

Days like today...

When crisis strikes in Colorado, Israel or really anywhere in the world, my days look like this:Wake up.Learn there is a crisis.Obsessively check Facebook, Twitter, news outlets, any information I can find online (in the case of the November 2012 Israeli engagement it was an awesome blogger giving blow by blow).Compile information and compare with my team.Obsessively check Facebook, Twitter, news outlets, any information I can find online.Shout information from my office to my bosses office.Obsessively check Facebook, Twitter, news outlets, any information I can find online.Make a recommendation to the CEO to open a fund (or he tells us that we have to).Obsessively check Facebook, Twitter, news outlets, any information I can find online.Write an "ePhil" (electronic philanthropy) to our community.Send said ePhil to team for fact/spell checking.Obsessively check Facebook, Twitter, news outlets, any information I can find online.Send said ePhil upstairs for approval.Get told to add more pictures.Obsessively look at devastating pictures from the tragedy.Add them to ePhil.Resend upstairs for approval.Obsessively check Facebook, Twitter, news outlets, any information I can find online.Nudge hard to get approval so we can send before 5pm.Obsessively check Facebook, Twitter, news outlets, any information I can find online.Get some changes or approval.Send to community.Obsessively check Facebook, Twitter, news outlets, any information I can find online.Post it on Facebook while... obsessively checking Facebook, Twitter, news outlets, any information I can find online.Obsessively check Facebook, Twitter, news outlets, any information I can find online until it is time to go home.Obsessively check Facebook, Twitter, news outlets, any information I can find online at home.Obsessively check Facebook, Twitter, news outlets, any information I can find online from bed before I fall asleep. Wake up.Obsessively check Facebook, Twitter, news outlets, any information I can find online.Write another message from the CEO/ press release to news outlets.Obsessively check Facebook, Twitter, news outlets, any information I can find online. I think you can see where this is going...

Workplace Engagement

A few months ago, I came across an incredible article written by Chuck Blakeman. It was entitled Why Employees are Always a Bad Idea. Then recently, it popped up again on my Twitter feed. It still felt so relevant and was, again, a fresh perspective that I needed.

I have always been a huge proponent of a positive and encouraging workplace environment. People laugh at Google and other "young" companies that provide food or bean bags or an on-site gym but it makes employees feel wanted and that their company cares for them.Not only does your work environment affect your work output, but so does your buy-in. I saw this very clearly when I was employed at Target just after graduating college. The employees (or Team Members) who felt they had a stake in the company, their section, the outcome, worked harder and smarter. They didn't complain about coming in early or staying late, or doing something beyond their job description. The people I worked with who couldn't care less about their job were transient. They didn't stay long, they made problems, and were generally a pain in the butt.But there is a different, yet similar issue in many workplaces.

Chuck Blakeman says:

Employees are Children This view of work (and life) turned adults back into children. You were taught that the most mature person was one who obediently took orders, did what they were told, didn’t question authority, was blindly loyal to those in charge, and lived passively as others directed their lives. Pretty much what we want a four year old to do.In order to keep the children from ruining the house, and to make them extensions of machines, the Industrial Age boxed people in with extremely clear and narrow limitations on what they could do, the hours in which they could do them, and endless limitations on being human and “adult” at work. It stripped them of their need to think, create and solve because the machine didn’t need them to think, create and solve. It just needed them to do.

Let me give you a few highlights and then I suggest you read the whole article here. 

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“Employees are “Silent”

Employees are Children This view of work (and life) turned adults back into children. You were taught that the most mature person was one who obediently took orders, did what they were told, didn’t question authority, was blindly loyal to those in charge, and lived passively as others directed their lives. Pretty much what we want a four year old to do.

Employees Are a Disease, not a Cure Because of the Industrial Age, the word “employee” has become synonymous with “child.”
Stakeholders are Adults
Stakeholders Require Leadership, not Adult Supervision
Stakeholders Focus on Work, not Promotion to the Next Title
Stakeholders Create Better Teams
Stakeholders are Self-Motivated
Stakeholders Make You and Themselves More Money

So why in the world would you want an employee when you can have (and easily so) stakeholders?Another article that came across my desk recently was entitled What I got wrong in the Peanut Butter Manifesto by Brad Garlinghouse. He originally wrote and internal memo at Yahoo that was leaked and "made it big." More than six years later he revisits this idea and addresses some gaps he sees. Here is a quote form his article:

Yahoo!’s strength had emanated from the passion and entrepreneurial zeal of its employees, but these muscles had atrophied. The company’s core culture no longer encouraged and celebrated innovation with the same zest and ardent ambition to change the world—too often this had been displaced by half-hearted maintenance of the status quo.

Marissa’s immediate focus on improving the company culture to make Yahoo! a great place to work again is evidence that this inertia endured. Though people can deride perks like free food and iPhones (or giving everyone an iPad mini for Christmas!) as buying loyalty with trinkets and toys, there is an underlying—and more fundamental—impact.

Whether you give people the latest gadget or deck your office space with beanbags and foosball tables, the point is to make work a fun, interesting and inspirational place to be. The Shower Principle (thank you, Jack Donaghy) states that great solutions are often conceived when your mind is not focused on the problem. Sometimes interactions need to happen beyond the ping of an email or the (god forbid) drone of a PowerPoint presentation.

Do you see the trend here? Abuse your employees, whether obviously or subtlety and they won't do the work as well as you want them to do. Honor their creativity as human beings and professionals in their field, understand that they have lives and issues outside of the workplace, and be compassionate and you will receive the work product you want and deserve.Now by no means am I recommending to be irresponsible or reckless in these tactics. They are just that, tactics... not meant to bankrupt a company or interfere with work but to enhance it.

So what do you think? Are employees and thin peanut butter here to stay or are we starting a revolution lead by stakeholders?