In one of my classes last week we were talking about marriage and the concept of Beshert or Zivug. Beshert means soul-mate and zivug, as best as I can find means pair or partner.We were not able to get a clear or seemingly correct answer to the question of the difference of these two. All of the people that I have asked have indicated that in current times, they are exchangeable, meaning the same thing. Some sources online postulated that a beshert is just a match but your zivug is the perfect person you are supposed to be with. However, other sources online stated just the opposite, that your beshert is your perfect mate and zivug is the pair.I found this nice explination of the concept by Rabbi Baruch HaLevi -
Beshert = pre-destined, soulmate (Zivug Rishon in Talmudic and Kabbalistic Literature) Forty days before the formation of an embryo, a Heavenly voice proclaims: The daughter of this one is destined to marry this one. Sanhedrin 22a When Hashem first created man, He created Adam and Chavah together as one, and then He separated them. The RASHBA (TESHUVOS HA'RASHBA 1:60) explains that Hashem first created man and woman together and then separated them, so that they would later be able to come together and be joined and feel like a single unit. Perhaps it is for this reason that before the man is born a Bas Kol (Divine Voice) announces who his Zivug (partner) will be -- this shows that they both come from the same spiritual root, and that the woman that he eventually marries will be part of his own Neshamah (soul). It would be impossible to bond their souls together in such a way after they are created, and therefore Hashem bonds them together before they are created in order for them to be able to bond together strongly. (If one of them is a Tzadik and the other is a Rasha, then one can influence the other to improve since they are bonded together so strongly.) --Talmud, Sota 2 (adapted from Kollel Iyun Hadaf of Har Nof)
From this text it appears that your beshert is commonly accepted as your ultimate match while there are some Kabbalistic levels of zivug.To add another dimension here, I found this really great etymological breakdown of the word zivug. It is by Rabbi Julian Sinclair on the Jewish Chronical online.
A zivug is a life partner. In modern Hebrew today ben or bat zug is the politically correct term for ones significant other, equivalent to partner in English.The word has some surprising connections to contemporary English via a common Greek root. Zivug comes from the Greek zogen, meaning to join and zeugen, a pair. This comes from the same source as zygote, which, means a complex cell generated by the sexual reproduction of two gametes. According to the invaluable Jewish-words blog balashon, these derive from the Indo-European root yeug, meaning to join, from which we have the words conjugal, jugular, yoke and even yoga, which means union.The etymology tells us that a zivug is not just a life partner. It also has the sense of being the right life partner. The rabbis were under no illusions about how difficult the search for a zivug can be can be. The Talmud (Sotah 2a) writes that it is as hard (for God) to make zivugim as to split the Red Sea. Another source says that since creating the world, matching zivugim has been Gods principal occupation. On the one hand, the rabbis did express the sense of miraculousness about finding ones predestined other half. (Forty days before birth, a heavenly voice goes out and says, This persons son is for that persons daughter.) Yet they are aware, too, of the complexities of the quest for a mate; of first marriages and second marriages and missed opportunities, and how, nevertheless, one may find the right one, through whatever unfathomable means.
Fascinating!
The topic has been top of mind for me lately as I continue down my spiritual and ritually observant growth path. In secular society, I worried so much. "Have I missed my beshert?" "Did I not notice him?" "Did I lose out on him because I am in חוץ לארץ (chutz laaretz)*?" It is hard to date in secular society and even harder to date Jewish. Especially if you don't live in NYC. How do you meet people? How do you meet people who practice Judaism the same way you do? That is why I really like the שדכן (shadchan)** style of dating. People who know you setting you up with a person that THEY know to be a good person with similar traits. Now, not so good שדכנם (shadchanim) will set you up with someone because you are both over the age of 30 or something ridiculous. And yes, that has happened to me. But a truly good one will get to know you, listen to you, and match you based on your character traits that are compatible. There isn't really dating to date here. (And by here I mean with in the religiously observant world.) There is dating to marry. No one of this, stay in a bad relationship for 5 years but he won't propose. Meet, go on dates, decide if you get along and want to go on more, decide if you could marry this person after many dates, get married. OR meet, go on dates, decide that the chemistry isn't there, say thanks but no thanks. There are, of course, some downsides but all in all, I sincerely prefer it to secular dating.Novel idea, eh?Glossary -*חוץ לארץ - chutz laaretz = The diaspora**שדכן - shadchan = matchmaker (without all the negative connotations and Fiddler on the Roof references that you are thinking of RIGHT NOW)