Laundry Stripping

Oh yeah, let that title sink in...  laundry stripping... I know you are excited. This is going to be a very sexy post... all about dirty laundry! Ahh the life of a wife and mom. So hawt. As one of my friends commented when I said this was my new obsession, "Picturing you doing a sexy dance in your laundry room..." As you should... as you should.

Anywho, here's the story. I was at my wits end. Between the sour milk smell in some of the nugget's onesies and the stank in my husband's workout clothes, the moldy smelling towels relegated to the dog and the dish towels that smell less than fresh... I needed to do something. I tried baking soda in the washer... vinegar... all sorts of detergents... nothing worked. I was on the verge of throwing things in the trash.

Then I remembered someone mentioning in some Facebook group that you can "strip" your laundry (cloth diaper people, you know what I am talking about). So I did some research. For The Love Of Clean is pretty much THE authority on cleaning online. If you have hard water (like we do) or sweat stains or build up of minerals, soap, etc or you bought it already worn (thrift store, etc)... you may need to strip your laundry. Here is a guide to if you should strip, deep clean, or sanitize.

Can I just stop for a second and say that I could read this website all day long? Seriously. Look at all the interesting stuff here!

Ok let's get down to it. I've done it twice now and I am obsessed. Each time the water has been a different color and the bathroom STINKS! Gross, I know but I feel like "whoooo, it's working!" I literally have a batch in the tub right now and love checking on it! I'm taking pictures every hour and they really don't do it justice!

Basically, you are putting enzymes in hot water and that is lifting out the stains, minerals, and stank. It's super easy. See this process in detail and with more information here.

At this point, if you are like me, you are super duper excited and want to get started... but you need supplies first. I ordered mine on Amazon Prime so it got here fast. For The Love Of Clean has a recipe for a homemade version but I just bought the two they recommended - Grovia Mighty Bubbles (cloth diaper mommas you know) and RLR. Get their homemade version here.

  1. Start with clean laundry. Wet or dry. I sniff tested after I dried things and made a pile of "to strip."

  2. Fill something with hot water. I used our tub because I had a lot of stuff. You can use a sink for a small batch and a top load washer but... that seems cray to me. They say half full... I put enough to cover the clothing. Also, get the water as hot as possible.

  3. Add your potion of choice and dissolve it in the hot water.

  4. Put your stuff in and let it soak until the water cools (that is like a million years but leave it in for at least four hours).

  5. Stir every hour or so to release crap... I put my stuff in and the water was clear, I stirred it and it turned BROWN!

  6. When it's done (four hours or cool), drain and squeeze the water out of the clothes.

  7. Run a load with water only (no detergent) then dry as usual.

  8. Smell your awesome clothes/towels/etc.

Ok so ... here are my pics ... These pics are not doing the color justice... it is so gnarly... If you try this, share your pics in the comments! :)

The 3six5 Denver Project

I was kindly asked to be a part of the 3six5 Denver project. It will be a diary of the year 2012, 365 days, 365 bloggers in 365 words.Very cool if you ask me.Here is part of my post for January 2nd. I was excited to post about the beginning of the year.

3six5_photo.jpg.scaled1000It’s January 2.

It’s a new day. A new year.So what are you waiting for?!Okay, well you can’t jump the hour and a half wait at Snooze. (Some things never change, right?)But I’ll take it. Today.Today is the big day. My friend Amanda and I are sitting down to work out a plan for our new business ideas. We spent the hour talking about different ways to bring our pie in the sky ideas to fruition. Maybe they aren’t so pie in the sky... they could actually work! At least that is what everyone keeps telling us.But how do you take an idea, a good idea, and make money off of it?Sweet potato pancakes and apple french toast sure helped the thinking process.Two women, dreaming in Denver, over a niche breakfast... that’s what Colorado is about, right?It’s the land of opportunity. The land where people go to start fresh, to start anew...Read the rest of the post here: January 2, 2012: Talia Hava Davis

And if you are interested in participating, read this: Author Guidelines then email the3six5denver@gmail.comEnjoy your 2012!

Chanukah A Time For Re-Dedication

I work for the Allied Jewish Federation of Colorado and being a Jewish organization, we begin every meeting with a bissel Torah (a bit of Torah learning). We call them d'vars (though, the correct way to make d'var plural in Hebrew would be Divrei). A d'var is general a talk on a section of Torah. More often than not, our divrei are on current topics in Israel or America or relating to holidays or a teaching we recently heard or saw. This is the d'var I gave at our all staff meeting on December 2nd. I wanted to talk about Chanukah, the weekly parsha (Torah portion), our Chanukah ephilanthropy and a project our staff was engaged in. A lot to tie together but I think I did alright. Let me know what you think:

I want to start today's dvar by introducing you to our Chanukkah Campaign. Everyday heroes. Heroes don't always wear capes or leap tall buildings in a single bound. Heroes are people who make a difference everyday. Our donors are heroes. You are a hero when you help an elderly woman with her groceries. When you pick up a fallen object for someone. It can often be the small acts that are more impact-ful then the grand ones. Every time you think outside your box, every time you do something for someone else that is beyond what you would normally do, you are a hero. We are all heroes.What does being a hero have to do with Chanukkah, you ask? There are so many layers. The word Chanukah means dedication, as in the time that the Jews took to rededicate the Temple after it had been desecrated instead of celebrating their military victory. Dedication is a key part of being a hero. Dedication to self, to values, to things that make you passionate, and to other human beings.The true story of Chanukkah is not the story of the mythical miracle of the oil lasting 8 days, no it is the story of the Maccabees, the guerrilla army that defeated an army 10, 20 times it's size. It's of every day men who decided that the oppression of their freedom was just not acceptable any longer. It's the story of passion and compassion. Passion and compassion are key parts of being a hero.In observance of Chanukkah, we light candles every night. We illuminate the darkest days of the year with our candles and illuminate the darkest parts of our soul as well. It's the inner light that reminds us of the continuity of past, present, and future. A hero lights the path for others, goes first into the darkness to ensure others safety, and never forgets where he or she came from. Our past colors our future and molds our present. Heroes respect that connection.In this week's parsha, Vayeitzay, we get the overview of the future of the Jewish people. Jacob makes a pact G-d, meets and marries Rachel and Leah, and father's 13 children... with children who are to be the future of the Jewish people... children who are in their own rights, heroes.So today, we look back at our past and are thankful that Jacob, Yaakov, made the tough decisions that he made. And we look back at the Maccabees, descendents of Jacob, and are thankful they made tough decisions to free the Jewish people from an oppressive regime.And we look forward to the Jewish future where tough decisions will be required of us and our children... We must then look upon ourselves today. What can I do today to positively impact tomorrow, either for my children or for other people's children? Well as the Federation, our campaign supports many, many Jewish people all over the world... and as a staff we will be directly impacting two families with an incredible need. So I will wrap this dvar up by saying this... if you haven't already, please speak to Lisa Soicher about how you can be a hero to these two families for Christmas that we have adopted from JFS, and remember... every action counts.

HackerPocalypse 2011 - The Lesson

If you would like to start this journey with me by reading part one, HackerPocalypse 2011 - The Story, please feel free.So yesterday, I told you the emotional parts, the sadness and sorrow of the losing 10+ years of email and memories. Today I am going to talk technical. If this has happened to you, here are the things you need to know.First of all, though I am a very savvy web person, I think I was the victim of a spam email. It looked like it was coming from Google. It was identical to their emails. It was about security. They didn't ask for my username and password, just told me about some security features. I checked the reply to address and it looked right. I clicked on the link in the email and it took me to (what looked exactly like) a Google page. It asked me to login to my email and then said I had updated my security settings.Looked totally legit but I think that is the only possible way they got my login information.I jumped out of bed when I was made aware about the situation (more on that here) and took action immediately. When I couldn't login to my account, I contacted Google and reported it. This caused the hackers to not be able to log back in. It is important to read ALL the steps first and try to follow them in order because you may give the hackers a chance to hack again if you don't. Many of these steps may only be Gmail centric since I am not familiar with other programs.

  1. Contact Gmail or your email provider. Get passwords reset and changed. Make it clear that you do not have access and believe you were hacked. The hackers set up my fail safes (security question, default phone number to text password to, and secondary email account) to their information.
  2. Once you gain access, in Gmail there is a little button on the very bottom right of the page. It says this:
    Last account activity: 10 minutes agoDetails
    1. The "Details" is the button. Press that and a record of where you are logging in comes up. Chances are, they are using something to cloak their location. Don't try to catch them here. Just press: This account does not seem to be open in any other location. However, there may be sessions that have not been signed out. Log out from all other sessions. This will force the hackers out if they are still in your account.
  3. The next step is to go to the mail settings. Press the button for Forwarding and POP/IMAP. Most likely they created a new reply to address. It should look a lot like your real address but be on ymail, hotmail, etc. I think they choose ymail since if you are reading fast, it looks like gmail.
    1. IMMEDIATELY disable the forwarding. They set it to forward all incoming mail and delete them from your inbox. Save changes at the bottom.
  4. Now that you have kicked them out of your email, let's do some damage control. Look in the trash folder for all your email that was dumped. I am pretty sure they have written a program to dump all into the trash.
  5. Find the emails they sent to your contacts. They "bcc'd" everyone but you can still see the names. DO NOT USE YOUR CONTACT BOOK YET. Copy and paste those names into an email and let everyone know you are not in Madrid or London, you have not been held up at gun point, and it's your call if you want to tell them to send you money or not... ;)
  6. Once you have sent those, it's time to recover email. In the trash, press the check box at the top of the navigation, you know, so it selects all. Once all 100 emails in the trash are selected, a little piece becomes highlighted under the navigation. It says, All 100 conversations on this page are selected. Select all xxx conversations in Trash. The second part of this is a link. If you click it, you will select all emails in the trash. I highly suggest just doing that to save your emails. I could not save mine, please save yours!
  7. Click the Move To button and move them all to your inbox. If you have utilized filters/folders, you can easily archive those back. You will have to trash some and save others. This will be, most likely, tedious but better than losing everything like me!
  8. You can do all that later, it will take time. For now, you are good. We have more to do.
  9. Be sure you change ALL of your passwords. Do not make them all the same. Sorry, it's for your own good. Change characters, change numbers, change cases... make them different! In my case, they had logged onto my Facebook so I knew they had more information.
    1. Make it a little complicated to be safe. Like your password could be HacKersSucK'2011 or hackersSUCK_2011 or hackerSuck/2011 or hacker$$uck'1969 ... lots of options to use random characters. Get creative but jot it down in a safe, non-web, place.
  10. Now, here is where they really get nasty. Remember in number 5 when I said not to use your contact book yet? Yeah, well there was a good reason. I didn't notice this until 7 or 8 hours into the clean up of my mess. Those jerks messed up my contact list! They used a program to add the tiny word "in" after every email address... all 500 of them! Had I not used the "copy from the BCC" method, I would have sent a bunch of emails and gotten them all bounced back. This is why my instructions to you are important and purposeful.
    1. Gmail has a nice feature where you can restore you contacts to a previous point. I restored mine to the night before the hacking and voila! All fixed. Easy enough but not top priority when you get hacked.
    2. P.S. What I mean by the word "in" appended to your emails, all my contacts looked like this: SuzyQin@blankmail.com when her real email would have been SuzyQ@blankmail.com. Devilish suckers, huh?

I hope this hard earned education of mine is helpful to people out there. Please, leave me a comment and tell me if this information helped you out of a hacking situation. I just think these people are the lowest of the low. Fine, email our friends, they aren't stupid enough to think we went on a surprise vacation to Madrid but to systematically destroy our electronic storage? Unconscionable. So inhumane and truly shows people with a lack of morals and care for anyone but themselves.If you haven't yet, and would like to read the story of my experience (and not just my tips and lessons) please read my blog here: HackerPocalypse 2011 - The Story

HackerPocalypse 2011 - The Story

Here is the first part of a two-part story. This is the story of HackerPocalypse 2011.I am a savvy online person. I can spot scams a mile away. I debunk chain letters and forwards. This scam was so insidious that I was caught in its web. If I was caught, you could be too. This first part is the story of what happened, the next blog will be about how to prevent it and what to do when it happens to you. As my cousin said, "There are two kinds of people in this world. Those that have been hacked and those that will be."It was 5:30 in the morning on a Thursday. I was coming off a rough week. We had three events that week. The lead up was harsh. 60-70 hour work weeks. Coming home only to sleep, change and go back to work. I was busting tush. We got to unwind after the last event on Wednesday with a few adult beverages and afterwards I headed home. I was beat. So extremely exhausted. I finally went to bed around 10:30. I fell into bed totally wiped out.At 5:30 in the morning I started getting texts. One eye open, I noticed the name and decided I would go back to sleep. Why the heck would he be texting me at 5:30 in the morning? Whatever, check it later. I had tossed and turned all night... my brain never fully shutting off. I just wanted my last 2 hours of sleep... I wasn't to get them.Next was a text from my brother on the east coast. Weird. He rarely texts and never this early. What is going on? With one eye open I see the words "email" and "robbed." I close my eyes. "Was Ronin robbed? Did I get an email? Is my little brother okay?" I am starting to realize I won't be able to go back asleep when the next two texts come in. Both from a local friend. I put together that the first two texts were friends on the east coast but this was close to home. Why was Eric texting me at 5:45 in the morning? Seriously, dude... I'm sleeping.I open both eyes to read this one... "Your personal email has been hacked - change your password ASAP!"I sit bolt upright. WHAT?I try to access my email on my phone. Last email received: 2:17 a.m.It is now 6:07 a.m. and I can't access them. In just about 4 hours, they locked me out of my email.I am half awake, dizzy with the vertigo I try to avoid by not sitting bolt upright from a prone position, made worse by my confusion and exhaustion. I try accessing everything from my, what now looks like an extraordinarily tiny, iPhone screen.Dude. Seriously? I stumble to my living room put my computer on the floor and stretch out. Lights are still off in an attempt to fix the problem and still catch some zzzzzzz's...  5 or 10 minutes later these exact words cross my mind, "Not Likely."This is going to be harder than I expected. I can't access any of my gmail accounts. Eric sends me the text of the message to my work account. This is the first time I see what all 500 of my contacts (friends, family, work acquaintances, strangers who emailed me once, businesses) saw...

HiMy regrets for this sudden request, I have been involved in a robberyduring my trip to Madrid, Spain. I got mugged and all my belongingscash, mobile phone and credit cards were all stolen at gun point.  Ineed your help as am trying to raise some money.I've made contact with my bank but they are not providing a fastsolution. I need you to lend me some money to sort my self out of thispredicament, will pay back once I get this over with.Please let me know if you can assist me in anyway so i can forward youdetails to effect a transfer. You can reach me via email or thehotel's desk phone +3493106____.ThanksTalia--Talia H DavisMarketing Manager*Allied Jewish Federation of Colorado"In the midst of difficulty, lies opportunity." --Albert Einstein"All the world's a stage and most of us are desperately unrehearsed." --Sean O'Casey

That is it in its entirety (with some of the phone number removed so no one contacts them). Did you find this blog because you searched this information? Good. Keep reading and read my second blog about what to do when this happens to you. I found out some tricky information.Well, I imagine it was shocking to the 300 people I saw the day before at a huge event that I had, evidently hopped on a plane, gone to Madrid, gotten mugged at gun point, and emailed them. Shocking how fast the world moves.Now that I have given up sleeping, I have settled in for the long haul. I am in my recliner taking the right steps (again a plug for part two, how to fix this once it happens). I find out that they may be jerks but they are smart and fast. They covered their bases. As I am requesting access to my account (because at this point, I had absolutely none and no obvious way to regain access other than Google intervention) I am Googling the scam. I find records that (duh) this has happened many times before. I let those who have been there, guide me. I learn tips and tricks but I also learn something horrifying... in many of these testimonials the hackers deleted all of their email.WHAT?! Dude, hack my email account my don't destroy my electronic life! Now I am nervous. Will that happen to me or not? Will my emails from my brother who has passed away be safe? The business records I keep in my email? The institutional history I have for various organizations... the horrid memories I, for some sadistic reason, saved in my email.... will they all be gone?I raised this concern to one friend. He laughed it off... this was serious to me. By then it was time for most normal people to get up and the phone was ringing and my Facebook was blowing up. Another dear friend, Mel, who is also a writer, got on with me. When I told her I knew and what I feared awaited me when I had access again, she understood. You see we are both collectors of words. That was a 10 year collection and I feared it was gone.I began changing every password to something different and obscure, praying I could remember all of them. They had access to my bank info, Facebook, etc. In fact, Mel said they had been on my Facebook chat at one point. Everything got changed. Down to my password for this blog. I wasn't going to let these people have anything more than they have taken already.I was granted access to my account again around 8 am. I was scared to see what I would find.Inbox: EmptyFamily folder: EmptyMoney folder: EmptySent folder: EmptyIt was the same in every folder. I had a lot of them.... and a lot of emails. One person online had said their emails were in the trash folder. I checked it. Over 11,000 emails in the trash. WHEW! They hadn't made them disappear forever.First step, passwords all changed.Second step, settings checked.... what's this? They had changed my email to forward every single incoming email to an account they set up - taliah.davis@ymail.com (clearly they didn't know me). I cleaned that up right away. Hackers, you are SHUT DOWN!Third step, I emailed everyone to tell them this:

Well friends and family and acquaintances who I happened to email at any point in my life...You might have received an email from me very early this morning telling you I was in Madrid and needed money. I amA. not in MadridB. not been robbed at gun pointandC. while we are all always in need of money... don't need you to do anything.My email was hacked. Every email that I ever had dumped into the trash for me to try to recover. Please ignore that email and NEVER, NEVER put your password into any website or anything. I can't figure out when or where or how this happened to me but it is becoming all too common.Call this an opportunity for us to catch up. Very sorry for any inconvenience.Best,Talia

It turned out to be a great vehicle for catching up with old friends. Once that as out, I started the process of trying to recover my email.I went to the trash and was saving hundreds of current emails at a time. Then I thought, well the older ones are the more precious so do that first. I got some saved from November to March of this year (the time I was finishing up in Israel and then moving back to Colorado) when, while chatting with Mel online and on the phone with my mothers...BLINKThe trash permanently deleted.I hyperventilated This can't be happening.Gone. All gone.My mother is screaming a million miles away... "Talia! Talia! Talk to me! What happened??"I'm crying hysterically. I tell her that my emails deleted themselves. They must have left a program to do something or were still in the account and saw what I was doing.I used the Gmail feature to force anyone logged in out of the account and cried. My moms tried to console me. I needed to hang up. Several friends were chatting with me and asking what was going on through Facebook or GChat or text message. Most people said, "That sucks."Mel got it.We mourned together for those lost words, sent into cyberspace by the evil hackers.I called my father. He was meeting with another rabbi in Denver that day, unbeknownst to me. He calmed me down. He reminded me that I had the memories of the things I lost but also that it was literally, that day, the start of a new month, Elul. Elul is the last month before Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur. It's a time for refreshing and renewing and letting go of the past.These hackers, whom I am tempted to call many nasty names, gave me freedom from the electronic chains that held me to some of my past.Once I did all I could do online, I closed my laptop and crawled back into bed. It was almost 10am. Four and a half hours after this ordeal began with a text message. I took a 20 minute nap and got up feeling refreshed. I dressed and met my father for a rare treat, a lunch together.We talked and he counciled me. Go to your specialists, right? My father is a specialist in sitting in council.My mothers, on the other hand, they called every computer person they ever met or heard of trying to fix this for me.Mel mourned the words with me.Eric told me to get a dirty chai (even though I felt nauseous) and face the day.My brother played it cool and quiet, in his perfect way. Offering support when I needed it but hanging back so as not to overwhelm me.And my dear friend Amanda, who saw me later in the day, hugged me, laughed with me, and reminded me that life goes on.The silver lining of the experience was the number of people who said they would have totally believed it if I ran off and had gone to Israel but Madrid? No way. Another friend said he knew it wasn't true because I would have kicked the mugger's butt first. HA! What great friends!It's been over a week since this happened. I've found that I am missing things that I will never recover but mostly, I am not missing much. I feel lighter. I feel refreshed. I still feel angry but I have moved forward.I know people might be reading this thinking, what a self-indulgent woman. What a waste of a blog or how melodramatic... For me, this was the death of something very important. What I lost in those 4 hours can never be recovered. The words of a brother who died, of friends who have died, memories, scraps of thought to write about forever gone into the dark hole of my brain... gone, never to be seen again.But I hope people can learn from this experience. So HackerPocalypse 2011 - The Lesson (aka part 2) will focus on that. Stay tuned.

Finding Balance In Forgiveness, Bliss In Pure Happiness

I've been thinking a lot about happiness and bliss and balance lately. You find those moments where the world seems off kilter or flying past you. When we work all the time or rush through our lives, it can be hard to find the balance. And then last night I was saying the nightly prayers, the bedtime Sh'ma... just like I always do... every night... and I started to pay attention, again, to the words I was saying. You see when you read something every night it begins to become rote... easy... just blow through it. But this time I stopped and really started to pay attention to the words again.

Master of the universe, I hereby forgive anyone who angered or antagonized me or who sinned against me — whether against my body, my property, my honor or against anything of mine; whether he did so accidentally, willfully, carelessly, or purposely; whether through speech, deed, thought, or notion; whether in this transmigration or another transmigration — I forgive every Jew. May no man be punished because of me. May it will be Your will, HaShem, my G!d and the G!d of my forefathers, that I may sin no more. Whatever sins I have done before You, may You blot out in Your abundant mercies, but not through suffering or bad illnesses. May the expressions of my mouth and the thoughts of my heart find favor before You, HaShem, my Rock and my Redeemer.

Wow. What a statement. X hurt me, X was rude|nasty|mean to me. X ignored me. X treated me with indifference. X neglects others' feelings. X undervalues|devalues|outright kills my ideas or creative thoughts. X doesn't know I exist. Perhaps X ignores my feelings all together.  No matter what reason I feel X has sinned against me or hurt me, I am to forgive X? I am to let X off the hook? Every night I just have to let it go? How unfair!! I want to be angry and have imaginary conversations and think about how I would respond if X said that one comment just one more time!But G!d says no. G!d tells us that we have to let go. We have to let go of these hurts, these varying sizes of word or action wounds. Why?Because holding onto the hurt only hurts us. We may not have committed the averah (sin) but we are the ones who suffer from it. In the long run, however, it is only the person who causes the hurt who loses sight of their own bliss. This is why G!d reminds us that we have to forgive. Otherwise it becomes toxic for the giver as well as the receiver.And then you finish the prayers with hamapil... a final statement of trust in HaShem, in G!d, of placing your soul, your being, your wHOL(Y)e self in the only hands that matter, G!d's.Just like they used to say "Father Knows Best," right? G!d sure does.This is a piece that I read recently and really inspired me. I hope you find inspiration in it too.

From Be-Ahavah U-Be-Emunah – Metzora 5771 – translated by R. Blumberg“Master of the Universe, I hereby forgive…” even though I may not be required to do so. All the same, I forgive. And even though nobody asked my forgiveness, I still forgive. And even though they are continuing to bother me, I still forgive. And even though I am no saint, but just a simple Jew, I still want to forgive them, so I do it. After all, You, Hashem, forgive me so much, so I should be forgiving as well.“I hereby forgive everyone who angered and provoked me.” Maybe I shouldn’t have gotten angry. Maybe I didn’t have to feel provoked. Yet even if I was justified in how I felt, I still won’t think too deeply about it. I want to live a simple, pure, clean and wholesome life, without resentment in my heart. Therefore, I forgive.“Or whoever sinned against me”. It’s a pity for him that he sinned. Poor fellow. Yet apparently I deserved it. Nothing happens by accident. It was from G-d. That fellow was just an emissary for evil. Had it not been him, it would have been someone else. G-d has a lot of emissaries. Obviously, that does not free from responsibility the person who sinned against me, but that doesn’t concern me. Let him make his own calculations directly with G-d. For my part, I forgive him.“Whether he hurt me physically” – Obviously my body is very precious to me. I know that in the world to come I won’t need it, but here I need it a lot. Yet I won’t let myself fall into a psychological trauma over what he did. Therefore, I forgive him."Or monetarily” – Money is not important. It’s not the end of the world. G-d will fill in what I am missing – if He so wishes. Therefore, I forgive."Or he insulted my honor” – That really hurts! I’m not one who chases after honor, but it hurts me when I get insulted. Yet for me it’s all the more a matter of honor not to pay attention to every insult. What is “honor” anyway? The main thing is G-d’s honor. And it shows my respect for G-d’s honor that I am forgiving. Therefore, I forgive."Or harmed anything I own” – If G-d so wishes, He will make up my loss many times over. I forgive. I love saying those words, “I forgive”."Whether he did it inadvertently” – Maybe the person who hurt me was just unfortunate, and had no intention of hurting me. I forgive him. Every single moment, I am ready to be forgiving."Or intentionally” – I don’t understand how people can have intentions like these. Therefore, I don’t want to have such intentions myself. That’s not the sort of thing that gives me satisfaction. That’s why I forgive him."Or accidentally” – Sure, he should have been more careful, but I forgive him. Master of the Universe, I forgive him! It doesn’t involve forcing myself. It comes naturally to me. I forgive him.“Or brazenly” – What kind of a person is this? But I don’t care. I forgive him. I’m happy with that. What a wonderful gift you gave me, G-d, that I am capable of forgiving and forgetting, and saying joyfully within myself, “I forgive him.”"Whether he committed it in word” – Words can sometimes be so aggravating! But for me it’s an opportunity! More, G-d, more! I forgive him!"Or in deed” – What an unfortunate soul to occupy himself with such things! How I pity him! I therefore forgive him. How happy I am to say, “I forgive him.”"Whether in the present incarnation” – I don’t know what happened to me in previous incarnations, but in this incarnation I want to be clean and pure, without resentment. G-d, You put everything in order, so I probably deserve this hurt for some reason, as King David said, “G-d told him, ‘Curse David’” (Shmuel 2 16:10). As for me, I forgive him. It’s so good for me to say those words! It’s not just my private affair. It touches on the entire Jewish People. Every sin weighs on the Jewish People. Therefore, once again, “I forgive him!”"Let no one be punished because of me” – I don’t need it. It’s better for me to remain innocent and pure in this sense. It’s good for me that I forgive and forget. It brings me the greatest happiness. G-d, if You wish to punish him, do so, but it won’t be because of me. Maybe I’ll be happy when it happens, but it won’t be because of me. And maybe I won’t be happy. Whatever happens, I forgive him totally.I’m no deep thinker. There’s no room in my brain for dissonant emotions, and no room for resentment either. It’s tiring and burdensome. It leaves one feeling sullied. Yes, I forgive him.Not only do I forgive everyone who sinned against me in the past. In keeping with the custom of Rabbi Avraham Yitzchak Ha-Cohain Kook, I also forgive everyone who will sin against me in the future.I derive my happiness from elsewhere. For example, “Happy are those who dwell in Your house” (Tehillim 84:5). Or, for example, “Happy are those who follow the path of perfection” (ibid. 119:1). I will not agree to leave even a drop of resentment in me. It bothers me. The purer I make myself, the happier I am. Whoever hurts me is, himself, the unfortunate one. G-d will have mercy on him, for I, for my part, forgive him. And even if he hurt me, let him not be punished because of me. It’s sad that he should be punished – but there’s no need for meto explain at length. I love fine fragrances. I love the fine fragrance of Eden. I love Eden. SoI forgive him. Then I go to sleep thinking about Eden.How good it is that I am forgiving. When I forgive, I feel a lightening. I ascend like a breath of fresh air. Until then I had a stone on my heart and I felt heavy. Now I am light. I feel integrity. I sing.What a wonderful prayer: “I hereby forgive!” I cannot tear myself away from it! I would say it all night. So I’ll say it until I fall asleep…

Advice To Women or How To Be A Bad Ass 101

I will argue with you if you tell me that a woman can't do what a man can do... in general. But there are some very clear gender attributes (for lack of a better word). One of those is our female predilection for getting down on ourselves. We women are SO mean to ourselves sometimes!! And thus, we need some reminders.Here are three different sets of reminders. Two were aimed specifically at women and the last are from Amy Poehler's speech at Harvard's graduation.Why is this so important? Because sometimes it is just too hard to remember how much of a bad ass each one of us are. Sometimes you need  girlfriend to remind you... and I am happy to be that girlfriend.The first is from a dear friend we shall call Z.Sa. She has always been and will always be a dear friend and an inspiration. I read this when I am down and need a boost:

How to be a bad ass 101:
  • Homework for this week: make a list of 10 people you admire and one attribute of each of those people that contributes to your love for them.  Find those things in yourself, and if they are missing - strive to make them happen.
  • Everyone thinks you have it all.  The grass is always greener.  They say that for a reason.  Act like you are together, and eventually you will start to believe yourself.
  • Wear mascara every day.
  • Be selfish in order to better serve the ones you love.  The more you have, the more you have to offer.
  • Give yourself the same advice that you would give your daughter --- then take it.
  • Assume that when people are staring at you, it is because they want what you've got ... not because they are judging you.
  • Floss.  Happy gums make a happy girl.
  • Get a hobby that is completely different from anything you have ever tried.  Make it something you know will be hard for you.  Be invigorated by that challenge and proud of your willingness to fail.  It is ok to fail at something that doesn't matter.  It is ok to fail.
  • Use what you know.  Spot.  When a dancer is spinning, she spots.  Look at something.  Don't let the spinning make you dizzy.  Turn it into art.
  • Turn a lonely weekend into a weekend alone.  Recipe:  Do-it-yourself -  Manicure.  Pedicure. Facial.  Bikini wax.  Bridget Jones.  Warm beverage.  It never fails.
  • Never try to prove that you are smart.  People who know it, don't care if anybody else does.
  • Roll your eyes and chuckle at yourself.  Trust that when you are 40, you will look back at your 20's and laaaugh.
  • Wear pink.  
  • Ask for help.  People love to feel needed.  Your friends will be happy that they made your life better. 
  • Bake cookies.  Find a fire station.  Deliver cookies.  Firemen are hot.
  • Remember, you are HUGE in Japan.
  • Know who loves you, and hang the rest.

Next comes from a very wise woman who has adopted me as her little sister and mini me. This red headed phenom always has the right thing to say to me, what I need to hear... even when it sucks. We will call her DN:

  • "Do not language yourself into drama."
  • "Always remember, when dealing with a man... 'Being with me is a privilege and not an obligation. If this is an obligation for you, move on.'"

And lastly, from Amy Poehler:

  • "Take your risks now, as you grow older you become more fearful and less flexible — and I mean that literally. I hurt my knee on the treadmill this week — and it wasn't even on."
  • "I cannot stress enough that the answer to life's questions is often in people's faces. Try putting your iPhones down once in a while, and look in people's faces. People's faces will tell you amazing things. Like if they are angry, or nauseous, or asleep."
  • "I moved to Chicago in the early 1990s and I studied improvisation there. I learned some rules that I try to apply still today: Listen. Say yes. Live in the moment. Make sure you play with people who have your back. Make big choices early and often. Don't start a scene where two people are talking about jumping out of a plane. Start the scene having already jumped. If you're scared, look into your partner's eyes — you will feel better."
  • "As you navigate through the rest of your life, be open to collaboration. Other people and other people's ideas are often better than your own. Find a group of people who challenge and inspire you, spend a lot of time with them, and it will change your life."
  • "Try to keep your mind open to possibilities and your mouth closed on matters that you don't know about. Limit your 'always' and your 'nevers.' Continue to share your heart with people even if it has been broken. Don't treat your heart like an action figure wrapped in plastic and never used. And don't try to give me that nerd argument that your heart is a Batman with a limited-edition silver bat-erang and therefore if it stays in its original packing it increases in value."

What she says about her improv education is so true. Say yes to everything. Nothing kills a scene faster than saying, "No, actually..." Listen more than you speak and trust the people you keep around you.Every chick needs a pick me up sometimes... I hope these help you too. :)

Weekly Torah Reading

For those of you who don't know, I write a weekly Torah portion summary for the fabulous and famous, Patheos.This week's portion is Noach (or as he is commonly known, Noah). I hope you get a moment to read my short parsha summary here - Parsha Noach. I promise you, it's easy to read, you will be a hit at the shabbis table tonight with your new knowledge, and there is a really cool video at the end!You can always find my parshot at the Jewish Portal of Patheos along with tons of other really interesting articles. And if you are interested in finding any other parsha, check out my Tiptoeing Through The Torah page.

The Laws of Sukkah According to Dr. Seuss

The Laws of Sukkah According to Dr. Seuss (see footnotes below)You can build it very small 1 You can build it very tall 2 You can build it very large 3 You can build it on a barge You can build it on a ship 4 Or on a roof but please don't slip 5 You can build it in an alley 6 You shouldn't build it in a valley 7 You can build it on a wagon 8 You can build it on a dragon 9 You can make the schach of wood 10 Would you, could you, YES you should Make the schach from leaves of treebut shouldn't bend it at the knee 11 Build your Sukkah tall or short No Sukkah’s built in the Temple Court You can build it somewhat soonBut never in the month of June 12If your Sukkah is well made You'll have the right amount of shade 13 You can build it very wide You cannot build it on its side Build if your name is Jim Or Bob or Sam or even Tim Build it if your name is Sue 14 Do you build it, YES you do! From the Sukkah you can roam But you should treat it as your home 15 You can invite some special guests Don't stay in if there are pests You can sleep upon some rugs Don't you build it where there's bugs In the Sukkah you should sit And eat and drink but never spit If in the Sukkah it should rain To stay there would be such a pain 16 And if it should be very cold Stay there only if you're bold So build a Sukkah one and all Make it large or make it small Sukkah rules are short and snappy Enjoy Sukkot, rejoice be happy.  

Notes1.Maimonides (RMBM) Mishne Torah, Hilchot Sukkah, Chapter 4, Section 1. The minimum height of a Sukkah is 10 tepachim. A tepach is a measure of the width of the four fingers of one's hand. My hand is 3 1/4 inches wide for a minimum Sukkah height of 32 1/2 inches. The minimum allowable width is 7 tepachim by 7 tepachim. This would result in a Sukkah of 22 3/4 inches by 22 3/4 inches.2.The maximum height is 20 Amot. An Amah is the length from the elbow to the tip of the middle finger. My Amah is 15 1/2 inches for a maximum height of 25 feet. Others say that 30 feet is the maximum.3.According to RMBM the Sukkah can be built to a width of several miles. Shulchan Aruch also says there is no limit on the size of the width.4.RMBM Hilchot Sukkah Chapter 4, Section 6.5.RMBM Hilchot Sukkah Chapter 4, Section 11. RMBM states that one may construct a Sukkah by wedging poles in the four corners of the roof and suspending scakh from the poles. The walls of the building underneath are considered to reach upward to the edge of the scakh.6.RMBM Hilchot Sukkah Chapter 4, Section 8-10 discusses the ins and outs of building your Sukkah in an alley or passageway.7.There is a location referred to in the Talmud called Ashtarot Karnayim. According to the discussion there are two hills, with a valley in between where the Sun does not reach. Therefore it is impossible to sit in the shade of the roof of the Sukkah. I can't find the reference…hopefully next year.8.RMBM Hilchot Sukkah Chapter 4, Section 6. You can go into a Sukkah built on a wagon or a ship even on Yom Tov.9.RMBM Hilchot Sukkah Chapter 4, Section 6. OK, RMBM says a camel but dragon rhymes with wagon a lot better, don't you agree. Anyway, RMBM says you can build your Sukkah on a wagon or in the crown of a tree, but you can't go into it on Yom Tov. There is a general rule against riding a beast or ascending into the crown of a tree on Yom Tov.10.Chapter 5 deals with the rules for the scakh. Basically, you can use that which has grown from the ground, and is completely detached from the ground. So, for example, you cannot bend the branches of a tree over the Sukkah to form the scakh. But you can cut the branches from a tree and use them as scakh.11.This would be a violation of the rule cited in the prior footnote.12.Shulchan Aruch, Hilchot Sukkah, Perek 636, Section 1 The Sukkah should not be built sooner than 30 days before the Hag. However, if the structure is built prior to 30 days, as long as something new is added within the 30 days, the Sukkah is kosher.13.Of course it's a well known rule that you must sit in the shade from the roof of the Sukkah and not in the shade that may be cast by the walls. It seems that this might affect the height of the walls, depending on the longitude of the location where you are building your Sukkah.14.Traditionally, women, servants and minors are patur from the Mitzvah of Sukkah. In our day we hope we know better than to read out half the Jewish people from the observance of Mitzvot. Of course, that's just a personal opinion of the author.15.MBM ibid Chapter 6, Section 6 explains that you should eat, drink and live in the Sukkah for the 7 days as you live in your own home. One should not even take a nap outside of the Sukkah.16.RMBM ibid, Section 10 If it rains one should go into the house. How does one know if it is raining hard enough? If sufficient raindrops fall through the scakh and into the food so that the food is spoiled go inside!

I would really love to credit this to someone but no one I have spoken to really knows the source of the gem! If you have any clues, please post it here in the comments. Thanks! But a special thanks to my uncle, Rabbi Michael Davis for sharing it this year with our family!Update: Thanks to my fabulous commenters, here is the credit! © Rabbi Arthur E. Gould, Sukkot 1999 – 2001.