Finding Balance In Forgiveness, Bliss In Pure Happiness

August 15, 2011 thdpr

I've been thinking a lot about happiness and bliss and balance lately. You find those moments where the world seems off kilter or flying past you. When we work all the time or rush through our lives, it can be hard to find the balance. And then last night I was saying the nightly prayers, the bedtime Sh'ma... just like I always do... every night... and I started to pay attention, again, to the words I was saying. You see when you read something every night it begins to become rote... easy... just blow through it. But this time I stopped and really started to pay attention to the words again.

Master of the universe, I hereby forgive anyone who angered or antagonized me or who sinned against me — whether against my body, my property, my honor or against anything of mine; whether he did so accidentally, willfully, carelessly, or purposely; whether through speech, deed, thought, or notion; whether in this transmigration or another transmigration — I forgive every Jew. May no man be punished because of me. May it will be Your will, HaShem, my G!d and the G!d of my forefathers, that I may sin no more. Whatever sins I have done before You, may You blot out in Your abundant mercies, but not through suffering or bad illnesses. May the expressions of my mouth and the thoughts of my heart find favor before You, HaShem, my Rock and my Redeemer.

Wow. What a statement. X hurt me, X was rude|nasty|mean to me. X ignored me. X treated me with indifference. X neglects others' feelings. X undervalues|devalues|outright kills my ideas or creative thoughts. X doesn't know I exist. Perhaps X ignores my feelings all together. No matter what reason I feel X has sinned against me or hurt me, I am to forgive X? I am to let X off the hook? Every night I just have to let it go? How unfair!! I want to be angry and have imaginary conversations and think about how I would respond if X said that one comment just one more time!But G!d says no. G!d tells us that we have to let go. We have to let go of these hurts, these varying sizes of word or action wounds. Why?Because holding onto the hurt only hurts us. We may not have committed the averah (sin) but we are the ones who suffer from it. In the long run, however, it is only the person who causes the hurt who loses sight of their own bliss. This is why G!d reminds us that we have to forgive. Otherwise it becomes toxic for the giver as well as the receiver.And then you finish the prayers with hamapil... a final statement of trust in HaShem, in G!d, of placing your soul, your being, your wHOL(Y)e self in the only hands that matter, G!d's.Just like they used to say "Father Knows Best," right? G!d sure does.This is a piece that I read recently and really inspired me. I hope you find inspiration in it too.

From Be-Ahavah U-Be-Emunah – Metzora 5771 – translated by R. Blumberg“Master of the Universe, I hereby forgive…” even though I may not be required to do so. All the same, I forgive. And even though nobody asked my forgiveness, I still forgive. And even though they are continuing to bother me, I still forgive. And even though I am no saint, but just a simple Jew, I still want to forgive them, so I do it. After all, You, Hashem, forgive me so much, so I should be forgiving as well.“I hereby forgive everyone who angered and provoked me.” Maybe I shouldn’t have gotten angry. Maybe I didn’t have to feel provoked. Yet even if I was justified in how I felt, I still won’t think too deeply about it. I want to live a simple, pure, clean and wholesome life, without resentment in my heart. Therefore, I forgive.“Or whoever sinned against me”. It’s a pity for him that he sinned. Poor fellow. Yet apparently I deserved it. Nothing happens by accident. It was from G-d. That fellow was just an emissary for evil. Had it not been him, it would have been someone else. G-d has a lot of emissaries. Obviously, that does not free from responsibility the person who sinned against me, but that doesn’t concern me. Let him make his own calculations directly with G-d. For my part, I forgive him.“Whether he hurt me physically” – Obviously my body is very precious to me. I know that in the world to come I won’t need it, but here I need it a lot. Yet I won’t let myself fall into a psychological trauma over what he did. Therefore, I forgive him."Or monetarily” – Money is not important. It’s not the end of the world. G-d will fill in what I am missing – if He so wishes. Therefore, I forgive."Or he insulted my honor” – That really hurts! I’m not one who chases after honor, but it hurts me when I get insulted. Yet for me it’s all the more a matter of honor not to pay attention to every insult. What is “honor” anyway? The main thing is G-d’s honor. And it shows my respect for G-d’s honor that I am forgiving. Therefore, I forgive."Or harmed anything I own” – If G-d so wishes, He will make up my loss many times over. I forgive. I love saying those words, “I forgive”."Whether he did it inadvertently” – Maybe the person who hurt me was just unfortunate, and had no intention of hurting me. I forgive him. Every single moment, I am ready to be forgiving."Or intentionally” – I don’t understand how people can have intentions like these. Therefore, I don’t want to have such intentions myself. That’s not the sort of thing that gives me satisfaction. That’s why I forgive him."Or accidentally” – Sure, he should have been more careful, but I forgive him. Master of the Universe, I forgive him! It doesn’t involve forcing myself. It comes naturally to me. I forgive him.“Or brazenly” – What kind of a person is this? But I don’t care. I forgive him. I’m happy with that. What a wonderful gift you gave me, G-d, that I am capable of forgiving and forgetting, and saying joyfully within myself, “I forgive him.”"Whether he committed it in word” – Words can sometimes be so aggravating! But for me it’s an opportunity! More, G-d, more! I forgive him!"Or in deed” – What an unfortunate soul to occupy himself with such things! How I pity him! I therefore forgive him. How happy I am to say, “I forgive him.”"Whether in the present incarnation” – I don’t know what happened to me in previous incarnations, but in this incarnation I want to be clean and pure, without resentment. G-d, You put everything in order, so I probably deserve this hurt for some reason, as King David said, “G-d told him, ‘Curse David’” (Shmuel 2 16:10). As for me, I forgive him. It’s so good for me to say those words! It’s not just my private affair. It touches on the entire Jewish People. Every sin weighs on the Jewish People. Therefore, once again, “I forgive him!”"Let no one be punished because of me” – I don’t need it. It’s better for me to remain innocent and pure in this sense. It’s good for me that I forgive and forget. It brings me the greatest happiness. G-d, if You wish to punish him, do so, but it won’t be because of me. Maybe I’ll be happy when it happens, but it won’t be because of me. And maybe I won’t be happy. Whatever happens, I forgive him totally.I’m no deep thinker. There’s no room in my brain for dissonant emotions, and no room for resentment either. It’s tiring and burdensome. It leaves one feeling sullied. Yes, I forgive him.Not only do I forgive everyone who sinned against me in the past. In keeping with the custom of Rabbi Avraham Yitzchak Ha-Cohain Kook, I also forgive everyone who will sin against me in the future.I derive my happiness from elsewhere. For example, “Happy are those who dwell in Your house” (Tehillim 84:5). Or, for example, “Happy are those who follow the path of perfection” (ibid. 119:1). I will not agree to leave even a drop of resentment in me. It bothers me. The purer I make myself, the happier I am. Whoever hurts me is, himself, the unfortunate one. G-d will have mercy on him, for I, for my part, forgive him. And even if he hurt me, let him not be punished because of me. It’s sad that he should be punished – but there’s no need for meto explain at length. I love fine fragrances. I love the fine fragrance of Eden. I love Eden. SoI forgive him. Then I go to sleep thinking about Eden.How good it is that I am forgiving. When I forgive, I feel a lightening. I ascend like a breath of fresh air. Until then I had a stone on my heart and I felt heavy. Now I am light. I feel integrity. I sing.What a wonderful prayer: “I hereby forgive!” I cannot tear myself away from it! I would say it all night. So I’ll say it until I fall asleep…

Two Cool Jews Being Cool Jews in Soho

July 14, 2011 thdpr

I have two amazing friends. Okay, I set myself up for that one. I have many cool friends but today I want to talk about two in particular.I met Esty and Dovi Scheiner what feels like a million years ago. Dovi's brother is a rabbi in Colorado who my family is close with and I met them at a bar mitzvah. It is Dovi's sister-in-law Chani as well as Esty and Dovi themselves that I have to thank for my amazing spiritual journey into Orthodox Judaism and Chabad in particular. I am not going to go into my whole background and experience and journey into observance (that can be for another time). What I do want to talk about is the amazing and all-encompassing positive spiritual energy this couple exudes. Here's a little background on these two...Esty and Dovi are both from large and well-known Chabad families. They grew up in Boro Park and Crown Heights, Brooklyn (sorry for the vague sketch, I did not interview them for this blog and am telling their story from memory). They got engaged and set their wedding date. The morning of their wedding they were absorbed in prayer and fasting (as is tradition the day of a Jewish wedding). Until they noticed the chaos around them. Their wedding date was September 11, 2001. As NYC was brought to its knees by terrorists, Esty and Dovi consulted their rabbi... asking if they should get married that day. His advice? Bring joy into the darkness of the day. And so they were married. They have since dedicated their marriage to revitalizing Judaism and bringing a new kind of tradition to the financial district and SoHo. And their success is truly amazing!They founded the World Tikkun Center and Esty baked challahs every Friday and hand delivered them to the mayor's office. In my time with them, in the early days, I met some of the most amazing and inspired Jews, including a young Matisyahu... just starting out, selling burned CDs. Very cool. Not only that but they took me into their home and introduced me to their families. I have been to weddings of sisters and feel close to these women (as I never had any biological sisters myself) as if I were family.I am proud of my friends and though life has intervened and I haven't seen them in far too long I am excited to speak about their success!SoHo Synagogue is the hottest, coolest, trendiest place to daven (pray) in the city. It was when it was in their home... it is even more so, now that they moved into an old Gucci storefront on Crosby street.

The New York Times says "A hipster synagogue grows in SoHo."
As for decor choices for the new locale, The Gothamist said, "Of course the young rabbi behind the new synagogue in SoHo for 'unaffiliated, downtown secular Jews' would turn to an 'aggressively whimsical furniture' designer when planning the newest house of worship to hit the chic neighborhood."
Of course the Wall Street Journal couldn't be left out in this conversation about design, "Mr. Scheiner says he believes young Jews are put off by design that smacks of their parents' Judaism—be it wooden pews or stained-glass sanctuaries."
Even the Jerusalem Post got into the action, digging into a new format for shuls... "(the synagogue) styles itself deliberately as representing 'a fresh vision for translating the inspiration of Judaism for a new generation,' said Scheiner.... 'It’s completely counter-intuitive,' Scheiner said. 'It’s an unbelievable message about the continuity of Jewish life. This is a generation of Jews that has been alienated from institutional Judaism. They find the grandiose synagogues of old irrelevant and uninspiring.' 'Show me something that’s personally relevant, in a Jewish sense, and I’ll stay,' said Ben Jablonski, a young donor to the synagogue."
DNAInfo, the online Manhattan news source said, "'We listened,' Scheiner said. 'We learned about peoples' lifestyles, priorities, interests.' And SoHo Synagogue and its revolutionary new space is the result. 'This is a sanctuary,' Scheiner said. 'Hopefully it will be a sanctuary for young Jewish people at the end of a rat-race week.'"
The NYPost thinks, you might be Too Cool For Shul in their article. They mention, “'It’s Judaism, rebranded,' says congregant Joe Wright. 'It maintains the tradition but offers something new.'” (And they have some great pics!)
And last... but really not least... my favorite magazine and the best way to stay on top of what is happening in NYC, New York Magazine takes you on a visual tour. Check out their pictures here: Space of the Week: Not Your Father’s Shul

You have to check these guys out if you are ever in The City. They are amazing people trying to do incredible things for Jews. And they bring up a good point... what is the future of Judaism? Certainly my generation feels very differently about synagogue membership than my parent's generation. How do we keep our religion relevant?It is a serious question. Got answers?

The Negative Online Experience

July 13, 2011 thdpr

This post is slightly different from yesterday's blog. Yesterday, I talked about a message I received on Yelp in response to some feedback that I left. I pointed out that it was a very positive experience and the business owner genuinely appreciated the feedback and wanted me to come back and try their business again.Today I want to talk about our 24 second attention span/news-cycle and the advent of mean online commenting, either anonymously or through features like Facebook Connect.Have you read any controversial news article online lately? Ever make it down to the comments? I often wish I didn't. For me, it is often an article about a Jewish topic or issue or relating to Israel. The virulent hatred just spews!! It's amazing because I am pretty sure none of those people could say any of that nasty business to a person's face. What's more is that it is rarely constructive or helpful. More often than not, it is close-minded and hurtful comments that, if said aloud in a public place, would shock the living daylights out of you.We pride ourselves on being tolerant and kind to our neighbors... except online. Clearly, this is not a unique phenomenon. We have armchair quarterbacks and backseat drivers... even sofa bobsledders... (that's a reference to my father's favorite episode of Dharma and Greg where the men are watching the Winter Olympics and decide that bobsledding is super easy, even they can do it. So they fly somewhere like Tahoe where there is snow on the ground and attempt to bobsled with a canoe and football helmets... needless to say, it doesn't work out so well.) It is always so easy to criticize someone from behind a keyboard and monitor. You know they can't reach out and hit you but you also feel the bravado of not being faced with any of their realities.The fact of the matter is this - Online commenting is losing it's power because we abuse it. Rather than contributing to the conversation, more often than not, we just want to be a part of it... no matter whether that is positive or negative. People vie for the 'bragging rights' to comment "FIRST" on articles. We trash women for being too skinny, too fat, too ugly, too pretty... Rather than posting constructive comments, we call people nasty names that would have garnered soap in our mouths. And we sit back and judge and make assumptions based on the few facts available to us.The social media culture we live in has only enhanced this. We have shortening attention spans and our news-cycle is 24 seconds rather than the older 24 hour cycle of my youth or the 7 - 14 day cycle of my grandparent's youth. We sit in front of the TV with an iPhone and Macbook while the news is reported and scrolls on the bottom of the screen.And we aren't going to change this culture.This is why we, as marketers, have to be as present as possible in every medium. We have to have our ears to the ground listening to every established service and our minds in the clouds imagining what could be next. In a recent Science of Timing webinar from the great company, HubSpot, we talked about how often and when you should post to Facebook and Twitter. One key rule that I will share here is: you will be forgiven for more on Twitter than Facebook. Post each article at least three times on twitter but only once on Facebook. Otherwise, your followers may block you from their FB news feed but miss you in the noise of Twitter.So we can't change the way people interact online but with the wealth of information out there, we can choose not to look at comments... which is the way I think our society is moving. Some people find such joy in the trolling or arguing but most people ignore it. However, as a marketer, it is important to pay attention to what people are saying in comments and on social media so you can respond appropriately to the genuine comments.Thus completes my series. Hope it was helpful!

Positive Use of Online Feedback

July 12, 2011 thdpr

This is part one of a two-part series. Interestingly enough, I have experienced both the positive and negative side of online feedback in the same day! Let's start with the positive and figure out some takeaways.I am very active online and one of my favorite activities is reviewing restaurants and businesses on Yelp. I like to be honest about my experiences both good and bad but I am never nasty. I attempt to provide true and accurate feedback without being mean. I know that the business owner doesn't always feel that way but I have never received a negative or harassing message on Yelp. I have, however, received messages like this one:

Hello Talia,Your review was very fair, and I must say I chuckled a bit reading it. That being said it was frustrating I am sure to come in for a massage and receive a treatment that was poor. The lady you worked with is no longer employed in this clinic. Not based on your review but rather her overall satisfaction rate from clients. She was hired to help out with the busy online promotion and that turned out to be a poor idea. In any event, you were very honest and thanks for being kind with the 3 stars. I would like to make it up to you with a massage on the house with B or S, two therapists who often have great feedback (or try anyone who works in your schedule). We are open until 7:00 and also on the weekends now as well.All the bestDr. L

I tried to be fair in my review and like to sprinkle them with humor. In this case, I had a terrible massage and a bad experience. I hadn't planned on giving them a second chance but with a response like this one, how can you not?Now that is good business. Take the time to know what you customers are saying and where they are saying it and fix the problem. In all likelihood, I will go back to this company and try again. And I may have ended up as a customer for life, if I hadn't recently found the most amazing massage therapist in Denver (Denver Massage Associates). But more than getting repeat service from me, I will stop telling the story of the horrific massage I got where I felt like I was being basted for Thanksgiving and was the least relaxing of my life. Instead I will tell everyone I know about the incredible customer service and follow up I got from a company that didn't have to care. They have good ratings from most everyone else... he didn't have to respond to me.But he did. And that is GOOD BUSINESS.The key in this social media world is follow through and to listen. Listen to what people are saying about your brand. Listen on Facebook. Listen on Twitter. Listen on Yelp. Listen everywhere your customers are. I have had some of my students ask me, "Talia, if I can only pick on social media network to be on, which should it be?" My answer is never simple...The key here is to be listening on all of them. Own your brand name on Twitter and Facebook, even if you don't plan to have a presence. You don't want someone else communicating under your name (see the Heinz example) and you want to know what people are saying for you. Here is my advice to my students:

Own your name everywhere
Set up Google Alerts for all the permutations of your brand name, including with qu0tation marks
Listen to your users and find out where THEY interact
Be present where your demographic lives
Always be ready to communicate on a variety of different mediums
The worst thing you can do, in general, is ignore... especially if there is dissatisfaction with a product or service...

Offer to fix it, comp it, give them a coupon, etc...
You have to communicate with them or else you are the "big giant corporation that doesn't care"

So that is social media done right... but remember, you can apply this throughout your organization. It is so rare to get to speak to a person, a happy person is even more rare, these days. Think about the service you would like or you would like your mother to receive... then use that rule for your customers. Sure, you can't stay on the phone with one person for 8 hours... but a little patience goes a long way. So does a little positivity, a smile on your face when you are on the phone or in person and a thank you.I hope this helps! Have a great day!

Some People Are Just Real

July 8, 2011 thdpr

Knowing that my blog is read widely and open to everyone, I definitely keep certain things to myself. Sometimes there are amazing and fun or sad and upsetting things that you just don't want to share. I have been keeping one of those (positive ones) to myself lately and have decided it was time to share. :)I have been chatting with Mayim Bialik (of Blossom and Big Bang Theory fame) since April or May. It's very cool. She came to Colorado to hear the Maccabeats play the Boulder Jewish Festival and we became friendly there. We have become penpals of a sort and I really enjoy talking to her. She is one of those people who are utterly fun and sweet and makes you feel super comfortable.I was recently reading an interview with her by another SUPER awesome and fun Jewish chick named Gaby Dunn. She is a hilarious comedian and fabulous writer. Gaby really encapsulates the "Mayim Experience" very well in her latest blog. Mayim is a dynamic and awesome chick and I am very glad to count her as a friend. She is a real person. One not affected by fame or power (at least when you know her) who knows what she wants in life. Not to mention that her approach to Judaism is my current inspiration and I think I might convert from Talish to Jewyim because I like the way she works it. :)I encourage you all to read Gaby's interview with Mayim here - 100 Interviews: #69 Mayim Bialik and investigate her site. Her 100 interviews project is pretty amazing and I only wish I could qualify to be one! :) (Ya hear that, Gaby? Got a spot for a rebel rabbi's daughter with yichus out the wazoo?)And remember this: Never judge a person. Not based on a limited opinion. Gained either by the tabloids or gossip. Getting to know someone is incredibly exciting and you may fall into an inspiring situation like me!

Obituary for CeCe Davis

June 18, 2011 thdpr

Cece Davis, known to her friends as CeCe the Civic, was born in 1996 in Japan. She passed away June 14, 2011 at 9:05 am in Denver, Colorado. The final cause of death was found to be a defective distributor cap, shot spark plugs and ignition wires, however, CeCe had been suffering many illnesses for a long time. At her death, she was bald (front two tires only), a badge which she wore proudly as those were her winter tires she still holding on to.Cece's long and illustrious life began in a factory in Japan. She loved her home country until the day she died, though was never able to return. As an infant orphaned car, she traveled to Miami, Florida to await a new home. She was soon spotted by the Davis family. The Davises, disillusioned by their previous vehicle, the Eclipse, were looking for a family car. They traveled to Miami to purchase a new car on the advice of Iana's brother, Paul. It is here, on a car lot in Miami, that the Davis Family found CeCe in March of 1997. Coincidentally, it was close to Talia's 16th birthday (CeCe's new owner/sister). Though CeCe was not leased for Talia, they would come to form a deep and unique relationship and bond. Once she arrived at her new home in Vero Beach, CeCe found herself a bit nervous. Fortunately, the old household vehicles soon put her at ease. Talia and CeCe would soon become extremely close as adopted sisters, however, their relationship was a bit bumpy at first. While Talia had learned to drive on a stick shift, she had to learn to feel CeCe's unique personality... which lead to many stalls and jumps. It was nearly a year before Talia was allowed to drive her on her own. Life settled into normalcy for the Davis family. CeCe became familiar with the terrain and could almost drive herself to the synagogue where her new father, Rabbi Davis worked. She proudly stood tall in the parking lot on Shabbat, waiting to take the family home for Shabbat dinner. One day, CeCe noticed something was different. Her friend, the Mazda mini van was gone and replacing her were three Land Rovers. CeCe was soon to learn that the Davis Family were moving to Colorado... and leaving her behind. She was inconsolable until she learned that Talia would be taking over as her new mother and she would be attending college with Talia. What an exciting adventure for a young car! Talia and CeCe got along swell these days... eating breakfast together in the mornings on the way to school... putting on make up on the way to school... listening to and rewinding and listening to again the Beastie Boys tape Adriana had gotten them.CeCe went to stay with their grandmother in Palm Coast while the rest of the family drove to Colorado. It was a short time before Talia was back to make the trek to college. CeCe enjoyed her time at Jacksonville University, despite the life long sunburn she endured from living outside in the Florida sun. She made trips to Atlanta, Orlando, New York, and Miami, living up the college lifestyle. There was much to get used to, though. Friends smoking cigarettes or "special" cigarettes in her, late night trips to the Gate station to get Krispie Kremes, and even a stint of CeCe being used as temporary lodgings for a short time when Talia didn't have a place to sleep. CeCe finished school at Jacksonville University in May of 2003 but stayed on that summer to assist Talia in managing the school's swimming pool. They then packed up and drove to Colorado. CeCe would often brag at how much Talia could fit in her and that Talia could move by only packing up the car and didn't even need a trailer.Living in Colorado was challenging for CeCe to start. She was unaccustomed to the cold and the mountainous terrain posed some challenges for her engine. Talia and CeCe used to often joke that her A/C button was the turbo button since she could zoom faster with it off. This stems from a trip they took in Talia's senior year of high school to her camp, Camp Coleman, in the mountains of Georgia. The infamous driveway out of camp is very steep and CeCe would not be able to make it up unless her A/C was turned off. That was just one of many fun road trips they took together. Another memorable one was when CeCe and Talia drove 24 hours to get from Wichita to Jacksonville in one day so Talia could pick up her keys for her senior year of college. They danced and sung the whole drive... then both collapsed into their beds when they arrived at JU. The last of their big adventures was when Talia moved to LA. Once again, she packed up CeCe and they drove away. Both girls collapsed at 2am in Vegas, both seeing the Strip for the first time. However, neither Talia nor CeCe enjoyed LA and within 9 months, they were packing up again to drive back to Colorado, this time with their brother, Ronin, in tow. Talia and Ronin didn't plan so well and they packed CeCe full with the driver seat in a position so Talia (5'3") could drive... thus when Ronin (6'1") tried to drive, he couldn't move the seat and Talia had to drive the whole way. Along for the ride was Talia and CeCe's pet hamster, Fuzzy. Fuzzy believed that by running in her wheel, she was driving CeCe. Not wanting Fuzzy to feel sad, CeCe allowed her to continue feel that way. It was a sweet moment between friends. Sadly, this was also the trip that was life threatening for all involved. A blizzard hit Arizona while they were on the road. Despite Talia's safe driving and CeCe's best attempts, they hit a patch of black ice and spun out. After rotating three and a half times, all the travelers were scared out of their wits. They decided it was time to find a hotel for the night. In the morning, CeCe was buried under a couple of feet of snow. They dug out and continued their adventure home.CeCe stayed close to home in her later years. Talia pushed her on a few trips up the mountain but she was getting older and just wasn't as spry as in her youth. Over the years, she developed some funny quirks and started to show her age. She lost her front bumper, had a partial bridge put in but soon lost it in an accident on I-25. She had her windshield replaced several times due to rock chips and cracking. In her later years, her tape player then CD player stopped working. Her radio dial would not respond to commands often going up when it needed to go down and down when it needed to go up. Her rear driver door stopped opening and passenger windows stopped going down. But funniest of her quirks was her turn signals. A true Florida girl, when the winter came in for good, she would stop automatically turning off her signals but when it warmed up for good she would start working as normal. Always a jokester till the end.CeCe lost her battle on June 14 at 9:05am at 13th and Monroe st, where she stopped a stop sign and never got started again. She was towed to a shop where she was pronounced dead at 11:16am. She is survived by her sister and best friend: Talia, her brother: Ronin, parents: Reb Bahir, Hedvah, and Iana, and many friends and extended family. Most notably of her friends, Justine Veree Naiman whose car preceded CeCe in death and was CeCe's best friend in LA.CeCe requested any tributes or flowers be sent to Talia to aid her in purchasing a new car... which CeCe also insisted on in her last puffs. The family will be sitting an abbreviated shiva as CeCe was a car and not technically Jewish (though she proudly wore a car mezzuzah on her kepi (head), a picture of the Rebbe around her neck (review mirror), and kept a Tanach inside her).Baruch Dayan haEmet (Blessed is the true judge)

Hashgacha Pratis = Divine Providence = Fate?

June 18, 2011 thdpr

I know a lot of people don't believe in hashgacha pratis or divine providence or the invisible hand of G-d. I don't know that I always believed in it either. BUT a recent turn of events made me think that someone is certainly watching out for me. I knew there had to be someone. I mean honestly. The fact that I have only had to sleep in my car once for a few days... that despite moments of serious poverty, I managed to find food to eat most of the time... someone had to be watching out over me and my family. The most recent example of this happened last week when my car died.My poor CeCe the Civic. Sweet thing. She was 15 years old, half as old as I am. My father got her when we lived in Florida and I learned to drive on her. She was my dad's car but I drove her more often than not. He graciously allowed me to use it my senior year of high school, unless it was raining out and he couldn't ride his Harley to shul. In college I took over the payments for her and then, with the help of some family members, bought her outright. I tried to remember to change her oil and do the right maintenance but, reference to above, there were many times when there just wasn't money for it. I was one of very few freshmen at Jacksonville University who had a car but she was a stick shift so no one could borrow her... We had a grand time. She took me up and down the coast of Florida more times than I can count. She made the drive to and from Colorado many times and then to and from California once. I would go on but I will write a reminiscence of my car soon. This blog is about fate.I was so thankful to have four wheels, even though by the end she was so sunburnt and missing her front bumper. She wasn't the prettiest girl in the neighborhood but I didn't have car payments. There were many, many years in my career that a car payment would have sunk me. It would have been a choice between not eating all month and making a payment or eating and no car payment. Despite accidents and issues, she stuck around.It wasn't until last Tuesday that she puffed her very last breath. I believe that she (or G-d) felt that I was finally safe and in a place to make a very necessary car payment. Let's look at the facts:By last Tuesday I had:

Received an insurance payment from an accident that happened 5 years ago. The insurance companies dragged it out so long but I finally got paid!
A steady job. One that pays me regularly and where I do not fear that an administrator will say, "Sorry team, can't give you your paychecks this month, we are short." Which, of course, had been the unsteady case for the past two years. Prior to that my job paid me so little that it is quite literally shocking.
Finally moved into downtown Denver... where the buses are accessible and if, perhaps, say your car breaks down that you can take a bus (within the fabulous RTD system) to and from work within 20 minutes with little hassle and pretend that you are living in Manhattan and read the book you have been meaning to read forever all for just $2.25 each way.

If my car had broken down without all of these steps, without one of these steps, I would have been royally screwed. Without the money, I can't make a down payment. Without the job, I couldn't MAKE A payment. Had she broken down when I didn't live in Denver, I might have freaked out a little more and bought the first car I saw for cheap.Sometimes I like to say that it was my car, CeCe, looking out for me. Sometimes I like to say it was my Grandpas, looking down and trying to make sure their Tali was safe. But wrap those both together and you see that it is really G-d in my life. G-d has protected me and will continue to do so. Now, G-d hasn't made it easy by any means. This car process has been one of the most stressful events in my life! Did you know everyone has an opinion on a car? Sheesh! But it has also been an important reminder... man plans, G-d laughs... or maybe just chuckles a little bit. We can plan all we want, because we have free will as to how we get to the destination but the destination is all planned.Seeing the little miracles or joys along the way, that's the bonus.

Advice To Women or How To Be A Bad Ass 101

June 9, 2011 thdpr

I will argue with you if you tell me that a woman can't do what a man can do... in general. But there are some very clear gender attributes (for lack of a better word). One of those is our female predilection for getting down on ourselves. We women are SO mean to ourselves sometimes!! And thus, we need some reminders.Here are three different sets of reminders. Two were aimed specifically at women and the last are from Amy Poehler's speech at Harvard's graduation.Why is this so important? Because sometimes it is just too hard to remember how much of a bad ass each one of us are. Sometimes you need girlfriend to remind you... and I am happy to be that girlfriend.The first is from a dear friend we shall call Z.Sa. She has always been and will always be a dear friend and an inspiration. I read this when I am down and need a boost:

How to be a bad ass 101:

Homework for this week: make a list of 10 people you admire and one attribute of each of those people that contributes to your love for them. Find those things in yourself, and if they are missing - strive to make them happen.

Everyone thinks you have it all. The grass is always greener. They say that for a reason. Act like you are together, and eventually you will start to believe yourself.

Wear mascara every day.

Be selfish in order to better serve the ones you love. The more you have, the more you have to offer.

Give yourself the same advice that you would give your daughter --- then take it.

Assume that when people are staring at you, it is because they want what you've got ... not because they are judging you.

Floss. Happy gums make a happy girl.

Get a hobby that is completely different from anything you have ever tried. Make it something you know will be hard for you. Be invigorated by that challenge and proud of your willingness to fail. It is ok to fail at something that doesn't matter. It is ok to fail.

Use what you know. Spot. When a dancer is spinning, she spots. Look at something. Don't let the spinning make you dizzy. Turn it into art.

Turn a lonely weekend into a weekend alone. Recipe: Do-it-yourself - Manicure. Pedicure. Facial. Bikini wax. Bridget Jones. Warm beverage. It never fails.

Never try to prove that you are smart. People who know it, don't care if anybody else does.

Roll your eyes and chuckle at yourself. Trust that when you are 40, you will look back at your 20's and laaaugh.

Wear pink.

Ask for help. People love to feel needed. Your friends will be happy that they made your life better.

Bake cookies. Find a fire station. Deliver cookies. Firemen are hot.

Remember, you are HUGE in Japan.

Know who loves you, and hang the rest.

Next comes from a very wise woman who has adopted me as her little sister and mini me. This red headed phenom always has the right thing to say to me, what I need to hear... even when it sucks. We will call her DN:

"Do not language yourself into drama."

"Always remember, when dealing with a man... 'Being with me is a privilege and not an obligation. If this is an obligation for you, move on.'"

And lastly, from Amy Poehler:

"Take your risks now, as you grow older you become more fearful and less flexible — and I mean that literally. I hurt my knee on the treadmill this week — and it wasn't even on."

"I cannot stress enough that the answer to life's questions is often in people's faces. Try putting your iPhones down once in a while, and look in people's faces. People's faces will tell you amazing things. Like if they are angry, or nauseous, or asleep."

"I moved to Chicago in the early 1990s and I studied improvisation there. I learned some rules that I try to apply still today: Listen. Say yes. Live in the moment. Make sure you play with people who have your back. Make big choices early and often. Don't start a scene where two people are talking about jumping out of a plane. Start the scene having already jumped. If you're scared, look into your partner's eyes — you will feel better."

"As you navigate through the rest of your life, be open to collaboration. Other people and other people's ideas are often better than your own. Find a group of people who challenge and inspire you, spend a lot of time with them, and it will change your life."

"Try to keep your mind open to possibilities and your mouth closed on matters that you don't know about. Limit your 'always' and your 'nevers.' Continue to share your heart with people even if it has been broken. Don't treat your heart like an action figure wrapped in plastic and never used. And don't try to give me that nerd argument that your heart is a Batman with a limited-edition silver bat-erang and therefore if it stays in its original packing it increases in value."

What she says about her improv education is so true. Say yes to everything. Nothing kills a scene faster than saying, "No, actually..." Listen more than you speak and trust the people you keep around you.Every chick needs a pick me up sometimes... I hope these help you too. :)

10,000 visits

June 8, 2011 thdpr

May 31, 2011: my blog hit 10,000 views. Wow.I can't honestly say that when I started this venture I believed I would hit 10,000 views or have stayed committed to blogging long enough to hit that number. Nor did I think what I had to say was interesting enough. But a lot has changed since I started blogging.When I began blogging, I had zero faith in my ability to write. I hid behind the writers in my life. I claimed it wasn't my strength, that I was good at other things.I still don't claim that I am a writer (though it does say so on my freelance business cards) and I don't know that I will ever have the incredible writing skills that my father and brother possess but I think I can hold my own. And the experience of blogging has played a major part in that.When I began blogging, I made the conscious choice that my life would be open to the public. Not that it wasn't before. I am a very honest person, if you ask me a question I will tell you the truth (especially about me, I don't work really well on deception). But I knew that by adding a blog to my social media menagerie, I would be making this information public to ... well ... the public. I started out writing solely about work and my passions but as the blog has evolved, it has become more personal... an outlet for my feelings. However, I have recently realized that I don't really want that. I have reevaluated my level of sharing online. I don't really care if you know where I am (FourSquare) or what my thoughts are in 140 characters (twitter) or what I like to take pictures of (Posterious and Flickr) but when it comes to my dating life or family, I have learned that people can take those ideas and twist them to hurt you.There are a few things that I very strongly don't believe in:Lashon Hara (speaking badly about people behind their back, in front of their backs, where ever).Judgement. In any form, it is hurtful.Thinking the worst of someone when you don't have all the facts.Being mean or negative.I can be kind to a fault. Trusting and understanding and caring to the point where I get hurt. And my blog started to become an extension of me that could be used to hurt others or myself. So I find myself challenged.Why challenged? Because I had to much to write about while I was in Israel. There were so many amazing events and happenings, and things I learned that the blogs flowed. Prior to that, I was so immersed in social media that I could write about it all day. When I came home from Israel, the natural progression was to continue to write about myself and my experiences... but that is not really valid anymore. Today, I find myself in a transition. My new job has given me more of a traditional marketing role (which I love, by the way) but I find myself too busy to read all the articles I wish I could read. Also, I while I navigate the tricky world of dating and friendship, I don't want anything I say online to be twisted and used to hurt. Nor do I want it to inadvertently hurt anyone.So as my blog turns 10,000 please bear with me, my lovely readers. I am refocusing on Judaism and social media and less on Talia and her life.(That's probably more interesting for ya, anyway!)