The Tichel vs Sheitel Situation

So you may remember... (and by that I mean you better remember :)) the blog I recently wrote about dressing as my friend Mel and wearing her tichel (scarf). If you haven't read it yet, that's ok... read it now. We will wait. I'm Wearing a Tichel!Okay, so my friend Mel had made the choice to only wear tichels after much consideration. Her husband is Sephardi and prefers scarves so that is the way she went... until we attended that wig sale... I walked into the town home to go play with wigs and up pops my friend Mel... but not my married friend Mel... the Mel I met 2 years ago before she got married. I was shocked. She had picked up a wig, carried it around, plopped it on her head and it was like seeing her real hair! I was so excited... and so was she.There is something indescribable about observing a mitzvah but also retaining your identity and personality. Wearing a scarf all day, I felt like I had a beacon on my head. I was proud to wear it but sometimes, I just wanted to blend in a bit more. Scarves have become a bit synonymous with cancer and I wondered if people thought I was a cancer patient. I didn't feel like I could move my head. It was weird. In the wigs I tried on, I could move freely and easily.It's all a choice and like I told Mel, Judaism is a journey, one that I am happy to be on with wonderful friends.Read Mel's post here about her sheitel journey: I'm Only Going To Say This Once

I'm wearing a tichel!

I am pretty sure that half of my readers just said "huh?" to themselves and another chunk are about to comment "Mazal tov!" :)For the first group: A tichel is a head scarf married Jewish women wear.For the second group and now the first who are in the mazal tov category: No, I have not gotten married. :)Recently we celebrated the Jewish holiday of Purim. My personal favorite holiday of the Jewish year (maybe because I was born on Purim and it is my Hebrew birthday). Purim is NOT the Jewish Halloween though there are a few similar traditions. The biggest similarity being that we dress up in costume. It's a day when everything is backwards and upside down.This year for Purim, my self-described 'work-wife,' Mel, and I decided that we would switch identities and come to work as each other. This was particularly hilarious since we both have very a specific style of fashion which are different and unique... oh and she is married and wears a tichel or scarf all the time. Let the hilarity begin!We went shopping together to pick out outfits that the other would wear. It was pretty hilarious. "Okay Mel, would you wear this?" "Yeah, I would totally wear those... but will you wear them outside of Purim because you shouldn't spend the money otherwise." HA we were very cost conscious and thoughtful about it! But the most interesting part came the morning of Purim.I arrived at Mel's house at 7:45 am. She was dressed as me and I was dressed as her. Her husband had a good chuckle at us and we went to work. We picked out jewelry and then got down to the good part. I had to pick out a scarf to wear and she had to get her brand new wig situated. Yes wig. My dear friend, who hasn't had hair graze the back of her neck in more than two years, purchased a 'lovely' (read: cheap) red wig to mimic my hair. We dissolved into giggles and I helped her position it. Then it was my turn. We picked out a lovely plain brown scarf and then a fun, silky giraffe print scarf to top it off. She put it on my head and tied it for me...WOW.I went from wacky single to mature married lady in one quick tie! It was a complete change for me... I felt different. Modest. Amazing. We drove to work and stopped at a fruit and veg mart to get some goodies for our co-workers. I felt funny... oddly conspicuous and inconspicuous at the same time. For a minute I wanted to shout... "THIS ISN'T ME! I'M NOT MARRIED YET!" but I also wanted to revel in the respect people paid me. More than anything... I started getting a crick in my neck! I felt like I had a work of art on my head and I couldn't move.We got to work ... and well everyone was shocked! Half couldn't figure it out... even though we were wearing each other's name tags but a few got it right away. Interestingly, everyone recognized me immediately and saw I was in costume but Mel, well they thought she was a new employee! It is truly amazing what some hair, or the lack of it, can do.Mel and I got very different reactions... or maybe the same reaction but the flip sides.Everyone asked me why I would cover my hair and how can I cover my 'beautiful' locks? Their reactions to Mel were joyful. They loved her even with the cheap, plastic, nearly purple hair. They begged her to consider wearing a wig or sheitel occasionally.For sure this was an interesting experience for both of us. Together, as dear friends, we learned a lot and have had some great conversations regarding hair, tzniut (modesty) and married life. To hear Mel's reaction to wearing a wig, check out her blog here, Redefining Rebbetzin.To cap off the experience, Mel and I went to a sheitel sale shortly after Purim at a friend's house. She sells and styles wigs for a living and we went to play. I have to say, after trying both I find the wigs more comfortable and an easier transition for me from single with hair to married without my own mane showing. After wearing the tichel for 12 hours, I couldn't wait to get it off and scratch my scalp!What are your experiences with wigs or scarves or covering (or not) your hair after marriage?And just for fun, a friend who dressed as a Jerusalem Ultra-Orthodox Jew and I pose in the "Frum Lean," typically seen at a vort or engagement celebration. Here are some other examples of the lean: Extreme Lean & Only Simchas Lean.

My Friend Mayim

That sounds like she is imaginary but it's not. I am very excited because an article I wrote about Mayim Bialik just went up on Chabad.org. So exciting because I have been A. working on this piece for a while, B. wanting to have an article go live on Chabad for a long time, C. Mayim is amazing and I am so excited to share her awesomeness.  Here's an except. Go read it!

In a sense I had known Mayim Bialik most of my life. I grew up with her as my television best friend when she starred on the TV show, Blossom. I remember being shocked that here was a girl who looked like me, with a ‘Jewy’ name like me, a Jewish kid on television! I thought Blossom was the coolest thing since sliced bread...

Read more here: Mayim Bialik: Actress, neurobiologist, mom, proud Jewish woman

We put the Mon in Hamantaschen!

I know I know, the headline is silly. But here's something you may not know (unless you speak Yiddish or German), the word hamantaschen means 'poppy seed pockets' montashn in Yiddish or mohntaschen in German. Mon is poppy seed and taschen means pockets. They are also called oznai Haman or Haman's ears in Hebrew. It has become a modern folklore that Haman wore a three-cornered hat and thus we are eating his hat.

Whoa whoa, slow down now. Who is this Haman character? Well it's all related to my favorite holiday, Purim. I could be partial because I was born on Purim but I just love it! Traditionally we eat these little pockets filled with many delicious flavors but the two traditional flavors are poppy seed (mon) and plum (I refuse to call it prune because they get a bad rap). Plum happens to be my favorite but you can make them with any filling. I prefer the Solo fillings which are Kosher dairy. They are the best brand, in my opinion, with great flavors and fillings of the right consistency. You can find them in just about any grocery store.

If you want to learn more about the holiday of Purim, I suggest going here.

Now, I am about to share something very special with you... my special Hamantaschen recipe. This was given to me by a dear friend and truly is the best dough I have ever found for Hamantaschen. Please use and enjoy and please credit us for this recipe.

Hamantaschen

  • 1 1/4 cups of sugar

  • 4 eggs

  • 1 Tablespoon lemon juice

  • 2 teaspoons vanilla extract

  • 1 cup oil

Mix these together. Then add:

  • 5 cups of flour (I mix whole wheat and white. You may need more oil because the whole wheat sucks it up.)

  • 1 Tablespoon baking powder (only have baking soda? That's okay, click here for my magical recipe to make baking POWDER from baking SODA... and NO they are NOT interchangeable.)

  • 1/2 teaspoon of salt

You will also need one 10-12oz jar of fruit filling per recipe. (Again, I like Solo but Baker's also works. Thick jams can work too.)

  1. Mix the dough until it clings together and is smooth - when it is too stiff to mix with a spoon or mixer, mix the dough with your hands.

  2. Roll the dough out on a floured surface to about 1/4 inch thick.

  3. Cut out circles (I use a glass) and put the excess dough back in the bowl to be re-rolled.

  4. Put approx 1/2 to 1 teaspoon of filling in the middle of the circle. It depends on the size of your circle.

  5. Fold the dough up into a triangle shape and pinch closed. Leave an opening at the top for the filling to show through.

  6. Place cookies on an UNGREASED cookie sheet approx 1/2 inch apart.

  7. Re-roll the dough until all is used.

  8. Bake at 350 degrees for 19-21 minutes or until light brown (WATCH THEM! You don't want black bottoms on your cookies!)

  9. Place on cooling rack and store in airtight containers.

This recipe should make 40-44 cookies.

A special shout out to the World's Greatest Hamantaschen Maker who taught me everything I know and shared this recipe with me. Thanks Mommy Schlammy! :)

Baking Powder Vs. Baking Soda

It is an eternal mystery. People have questioned the difference for ages... okay maybe that is a bit of an exaggeration but in a poll of my friends only 1 in 10 know the difference and why it is important to get the right one! Well, I am here to help!It comes down to chemistry. They are both leavening agents, which means they are added to baked goods before cooking to produce carbon dioxide and cause them to 'rise.'Baking SODA

  • Baking soda is pure sodium bicarbonate. When baking soda is combined with moisture and an acidic ingredient (e.g., yogurt, chocolate, buttermilk, honey), the resulting chemical reaction produces bubbles of carbon dioxide that expand under oven temperatures, causing baked goods to rise. The reaction begins immediately upon mixing the ingredients, so you need to bake recipes which call for baking soda immediately, or else they will fall flat!

Baking POWDER

  • Baking powder contains sodium bicarbonate (i.e. baking SODA), but it includes the acidifying agent already (cream of tartar), and also a drying agent (usually starch). Baking powder is available as single-acting baking powder and as double-acting baking powder. Single-acting powders are activated by moisture, so you must bake recipes which include this product immediately after mixing. Double-acting powders react in two phases and can stand for a while before baking. With double-acting powder, some gas is released at room temperature when the powder is added to dough, but the majority of the gas is released after the temperature of the dough increases in the oven.

When to use which?

  • Soda vs powder depends on the other ingredients in the recipe. The ultimate goal is to produce a delicious product with a good texture.
    • Baking SODA is basic (as in base vs acid) and will yield a bitter taste unless countered by the acidity of another ingredient, such as buttermilk or chocolate. You'll find baking soda in cookie recipes.
    • Baking POWDER contains both an acid and a base and has an overall neutral effect in terms of taste. Recipes that call for baking powder often call for other neutral-tasting ingredients, such as milk. Baking powder is a common ingredient in cakes and biscuits.

What the heck do I do if I have one but not the other?!

  • Okay, here is my biggie advice... Always have baking SODA and Cream of Tarter in your house. That way, you can make anything.
  • If you have baking SODA but need baking POWDER:
    • For 1 Tablespoon of POWDER = 1 teaspoon of SODA + 2 teaspoons of Cream of Tarter. Mix together and use.
    • Once you have added to your recipe, bake asap and don't over mix. It's delicate.
    • Homemade baking powder will clump together if it isn't used right away, but you can prevent this by adding 1 teaspoon of corn starch to the baking powder mixture. Store the baking powder in an airtight container.
    • Commercial baking powder preparations often contain hidden ingredients (such as aluminum compounds). By making your own baking powder, you'll have complete control over your ingredients.
  • If you have baking POWDER but need baking SODA:
    • You need to use 2-3 times more baking powder than baking soda. The extra ingredients in the baking powder will have an effect on the taste of whatever you are making, but this isn't necessarily bad.
    • Ideally, triple the amount of baking powder to equal the amount of baking soda.
      • So, if the recipe called for 1 tsp baking soda, you would use 3 tsp baking powder.

Thank you to chemistry.about.com for helping out this kitchen chemist!

What is Kashrut? Part 1

Keeping kosher is not too scary and it doesn't have to be overly complex. There are some basic rules and some more complex rulings around keeping kashrut. If you are starting from never keeping kosher before, I highly recommend going slowly and learning the law THEN taking on the action.Over the next few posts, I will lay out the basic definition of kashrut and the rules. We can do this together!Keeping Kosher Does Not Mean It's Been Blessed By A Rabbi.I get that question all the time... so your bread/cheese/fruit/chips/juice/meat is kosher. That means a rabbi blessed it, right? Nope... not exactly how kosher works. It's not like a rabbi can bless a pork chop and make it kosher. It isn't magical or ethereal and frankly it's not even really about health. Most of our dietary laws, the laws of kashrut, derive from a need to create separation. We needed to be different, live a different life from our pagan neighbors. And just as most Jews will not put up a "holiday tree" no matter how many people try to convince us it's "not really about x-mas anymore," the laws of kashrut were to remind us that we didn't do those solstice festivals and pray that way. Not to go too off on a tangent but Judaism has always been about (to me) the ability to be separate but friends. Different but equal. Now, I know those are loaded phrases but I believe assimilation is not the key... we don't want to be a melting pot... we want to be a stew or a salad... each food retaining its inherent shape and flavor but adding to the greater good (flavor) and maybe becoming even tastier because of the relationship. Again, these are my personal feelings.Okay, let's get cracking. The word kasher means fit. Kashrut has been translated as supervision. Colloquially, it means Jewish dietary laws. There are a couple of steps to something being kosher:

  1. It must be the right "type."
  2. It must be handled correctly.

Let's start with number one. It must be the right "type." Okay, so there are things that are inherently permissible and things that are prohibited biblically. You can find these listed in your friendly bible/TaNaCh in a few different places. Many of the laws come in around Leviticus (Vayikrah for those of you playing the Hebrew home edition) but we see them also in Genesis and Deuteronomy (Bereshit and Devarim, respectively). It's a big list... are you ready?Here is what is NOT allowed:

  • Non-kosher animals and birds (based on Leviticus 11:3–8 and Deuteronomy 14:3–21):
    • Mammals require certain identifying characteristics (completely cloven hooves and being ruminants)
    • Birds require a tradition that they can be consumed.
    • Fish require scales and fins.
    • All insects are non-kosher apart from a certain type of locust on which most communities lack a clear tradition
  • An animal with a significant defect or injury, such as a fractured bone or particular types of lung adhesion
  • Blood of kosher mammals and fowl is removed through salting, with special procedures for the liver which is very rich in blood. AKA no blood!
  • Particular parts of the abdominal fat of cattle, goats and sheep must be removed by a special process
  • The sciatic nerve. Why? According Genesis 32:33, Jacob's was damaged when he fought with an angel therefore, it cannot be eaten and is removed by a special process
  • According to Genesis 9:4, a limb torn from an animal that is still alive may not be consumed; this law is considered applicable even to non-Jews. Your meat must be dead before consuming. Pretty good rule...
  • Untithed food. This is slightly more complex BUT only relates to produce from Israel. That requires the removal of certain tithes, which in ancient times were given to the Kohanim (priests), Levites and the poor. Makes it harder to buy produce in Israel than one would think!
  • Fruit during the first three years of a tree's life. According to Leviticus 19:23, fruit from a tree in the first three years after planting cannot be consumed (both in the Land of Israel and the diaspora).
  • In Leviticus 23:14 the Bible prohibits newly grown grain (planted after Passover the previous year) until the second day of Passover; there is debate as to whether this law applies to grain grown outside the Land of Israel
  • Wine that may have been dedicated to idolatrous practices.

Whew! Heck of a list. Bonus is that many of these things either don't apply since we don't live in Israel OR are taken care of by the butcher or common sense. How many of us rip off a cow leg and start chowing down while the animal is still alive... NONE I HOPE! So you see, it isn't has hard as it looks!SO we are going to leave it there to start. I don't want to overwhelm you. Look for part two soon when we talk about the infamous No Cheeseburger Rule!

Chocolate Hazelnut Double Chocolate Brownies (Under $5!)

Ok, I 'stole' this recipe from SCJohnson.com but I just LOVED it! It is simple and cheap and will make you look like a rock star. Ingredients:1 store-bought brownie mix (I like Duncan Hines dark chocolate mix... OU Parve)16 dollops of chocolate-hazelnut spread (i.e. nutella. Now if you are allergic to hazelnut like moi, you can use peanut butter instead or almond butter... lots of options here folks!)1 cup of chocolate chipsDirections:•    Preheat the oven as directed by the recipe or the box.•    Lightly grease an 8x8 or 9x9 glass baking pan.•    Mix up the brownie batter as directed on the box or recipe.•    Add a dollop of chocolate-hazelnut spread (or PB), leaving a little bit of space between each dollop for the chocolate chips.•    Sprinkle the chocolate chips around on top of the batter. (Press lightly into the batter).•    Bake in the preheated oven for the time indicated on the recipe or box.•    Let cool on a cooling rack for at least an hour before cutting.

The Dating Crisis

Dating has been on my mind a lot lately. And by lately I don't mean the past few days... We are talking months folks. I have been thinking a lot about dating and how to date and who to date and how to find people to date and all sorts of permutations. But it has all come to a head recently as I am no longer single. Very happy to say that, very happy in general. BUT that is not the point. I have been talking to friends over the past few years about how to date and I have even shifted the way I date based on what I have learned.Way back in my younger days, when I was in my early 20's, dating was just pure fun. Right, so I knew a few things like I wanted to get married and have a Jewish home but eh, I'm 22.... I have time. Dating was a fear of having a conversation "too deep" because it might scare him off. Get a free meal, have some fun, and maybe you'll see him for more than a few dates. Don't get me wrong, I was always searching for Mr. Right... I just didn't know how else to do it. I figured if we had enough fun together the substance part will happen.And then I got older.And older.And I realized my 20's were a string of mediocre first dates with guys who really weren't a good match for me but for some reason or another I found them attractive. I learned a lot from them, yes but no soul mate. So here I am, trucking along into my late 20's with no flipping clue how to find the right guy or know that he is the right one. This ain't no fairy tale, right? No fairy godmothers to go bipity bopity boo. And while a gut can tell you a lot (if you have a good one and trust it), you need to ask the right questions too (which was recently brought to my attention).So I have dated in a secular manner and I have dated through the traditional shidduch (matchmaker) style. Now looking back, there are a lot of benefits in the Jewish Orthodox shidduch dating. Why, you ask? How can you really know someone when you can't touch them? Ah, grasshopper, let me tell you about it...I have dated men in the past, as have some of my girl friends, who can't keep their hands off you. From the first minute of the first date. I don't need to hold your hand on the first date. I don't need a goodnight kiss and I really will not end up in bed with you. How anyone thinks that is appropriate, I don't know. Why? Because I am not looking for a partner tonight. I am looking for a life mate. The physicality overshadows everything. Substitute the touching for intense conversation and learning about each other? Yes please.So instead of touching you are talking. Getting to know each other deeply... in the brain. That sets the stage for a growing relationship. As one of my friends said, "We Orthodox don't look for boyfriends, love or romance... we look to KNOW the other person for purposes of marriage. Find a man you KNOW will respect you as a princess and all the rest will come with later!" Now, I may not agree 100% but that is how she approached her dating and she is very happily married with two little girls. I want love and romance but I know that is doesn't just appear out of thin air. It needs a base to grow on.So where does that base come from? Well, as I got myself deeper into this I learned... questions. Asking questions. That is how you develop the strong base. What kind of questions?  Well I asked my focus group (my Facebook friends) this question. Here is what we came up with:

  1. If you were evacuated from your home, what four things would you grab first? (Assume all people and pets are able to get out safely on their own)
  2. What are four qualities that you have that you wouldn't want your children to have?
  3. What posuk (verse) do you feel most connected to and why?
  4. What abstract nouns they think are the most important for a good relationship between people (kindness, humor, patience, chemistry, whatever can be the answer). (Then compare to what you think the most successful relationships you know--the ones you want to emulate--have going for them.)
  5. Where do you see yourself in 5 years? 10 years?
  6. What are your hobbies?
  7. What are your happiest / saddest / proudest / most embarrassing moments?
  8. What are your personal goals?
  9. What would you say are your philosophies about life?
  10. How about children? Want 'em? How do you want to raise 'em?
  11. Tell me about you financial habits, goals, and philosophies.
  12. Biggest financial weakness?
  13. How do you communicate? Do you like to solve problems or would rather not deal with them?

I love these. Some are so creative and some really hit to the heart of the matter. You want to know how you can get along with someone in the long term. How, as you grow in your relationship, you will react to each other and potentially grow together. 

Absolutely Disgusting

I can't find any other words for it.The new viral movie 180movie.com (I refuse to link to it. Watch it if you want. It's disgusting.) equates the cold blooded murder of more than 11 million men, women, and children with abortion. The indoctrination of an entire people (the Germans) to view grow adults as subhuman as the same as a personal choice to end a pregnancy.So I guess I have to espouse my own beliefs at this point. I am pro-choice but also a lover of life. Abortion needs to be legal and available in our society however, the widespread nature of abortion as a solution is not appropriate. It is important that this life altering procedure is undertaken with eyes wide open and not used as emergency birth control.But it is a completely different story than 6 million Jews who were starved and beaten and shot in cold blood. To show the corpses of my family, my people and the ignorance of today's youth (who couldn't identify who Hitler - yimach shemo: May his name be obliterated - is) and abortion in the same breath is disgusting and ignorant. I will NEVER stand for EXPLOITING the images of dead and dying Jews for other uses. It was a horrible time in history.I will leave the Anti-Defamation League to finish this. And I am turning off the comments. This is not a pro-choice vs pro-life forum. This is about 6 million murdered Jews.

"The film is a perverse attempt to make a case against abortion in America through the cynical abuse of the memory of those killed in the Holocaust," said Abraham H. Foxman, ADL National Director and a Holocaust survivor.  "Not only does the film try to assert a moral equivalency between the Holocaust and abortion, but it also brings Jews and Jewish history into the discussion and then calls on its viewers to repent and accept Jesus as their savior.  It is, quite frankly, one of the most offensive and outrageous abuses of the memory of the Holocaust we have seen in years."

Kosher tip #1

This is my favorite tip! I always tell anyone within hearing distance, whether they keepkosher or not, when berries come up.Strawberries in particular tend to get small white worms. Gross. I know. Totally gross.BUT that is why this tip is so great.When you get your strawberries home, slice the tops off (the green) and slice them inhalf. Then take a mixing bowl and fill it with water and just a touch of dish soap. Soakyour strawberries for 10 minutes or so. Time is free-form here. Take them out and rinsethem off. Not only will you have clean strawberries but they will be plump and delish.Store them in an airtight container but eat promptly. If you're like me, those strawberries will be lucky to make it out of the bowl!Big thanks and shout out to my friend Tauba for teaching me this trick years ago!